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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, kinda new here, but have been obsessing about this all night and so needed a place to vent... hope this is the right board.
Anyway, I was at a kids birthday party yesterday and the hostess comes up to "warn me" that some of the people there were kind of "squeamish about nursing", saying "I'd been warned and so I just wanted to let you know". She then said "I don't have a problem with it" (me nursing in her house). Then another woman chimes in about how "some mother" was walking around walmart (ugh) with three kids in tow and *gasp* 'nursing her baby with her boob hanging out' saying "that is just SO inappropriate".
I've never had anyone say anything about me nursing in public, or in their homes, in spite of nursing dd #1 for 3 years and nursing just about every place imaginable. It really took me by surprise too, because the hostess is a nursing mom I've seen at LLL meetings. I honestly think she was trying to be helpful and not mean spirited, but when I went upstairs to hide in a bedroom and nurse, I just wanted to cry. I felt really unwelcome and self-conscious, wondering who was so offended by something I think of as so beautiful. I didn't feel as if I had any rights, because I was in her home, and although she never said- 'don't nurse downstairs, don't nurse in front of so-and-so', I was suddenly really worried about it- like there was a potential big confrontation or something.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I'm suddenly really concerned about nip... are there legions of people out there disapproving of me everytime I nourish my baby??? Have I been letting MY boob 'hang out'? (not really, I'm quite discreet) I know I'm doing what's best for my sweet baby, but I was really hurt by this experience...
Should I say something to this mom? She is someone I had hoped to get to know better and perhaps become friends with (we're somewhat new in town), and our husbands work together, so it's highly likely I'll see her again often.
your thoughts would be appreciated~
 

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Situations like that can be unnerving. It's one thing to walk into a house knowing you need your game face on. It's totally another to feel like you are in a safe environment, only to realize you've wandered into hostile territory. I am sorry you ended up feeling rattled. I am also sorry that the hostess of the party didn't have better manners. She could have easily made both yourself and her other guests feel at ease, JUST by demonstrating how accepting she was of your nursing.

I do think for future reference when you hear someone disparagingly commenting about 'those NIP moms.' Your best recourse is to act suprised and say something like, "Seriously? That makes you nervouse? I think it's refreshing and completely liberating!"

Turn it back on them. Make THEM feel defensive about their stance. I think most folks who make such broad assumptions so loudly really aren't ready for someone to take them to task for what they have said. You probably would have stunned her into silence.
 

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Personally? Now understand, I'm a troublemaker at heart...
but personally I would have said something when she mentioned it (probably a little too loudly) along the lines of- ohmygoodness... people are so silly. I'll feed little suzy wherever I need to ha! And then done so right there when needed.

-Angela
 

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I agree, I don't think she meant to shake up your confidence, just to let you put some armour on so that you weren't caught unawares.

Yes, there probably are people who think you are gross when you NIP. So what. I think people are gross when I can see butt crack, doesn't make a bit of difference. It is how you and your daughter feel that is important, and both of you obviously feel great about breastfeeding!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Really? You think butt crack is gross? I find it refreshing and completely liberating!

I appreciate the viewpoints- yeah, you're probably right that she just wanted to warn me, but most of the guests were her family so I felt I couldn't really say anything, you know? I think I was just completely unprepared for that and thinking, as someone put it, I was in a 'safe place' and didn't need my game face on. I'm very nonconfrontational and sometimes have a hard time standing up for myself.
I think the idea of having some prepared 'lines' to deal with unsupportive comments is a good one- I think I was just caught off guard.
appreciate your support!!!
 

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Hey, CK! Are you an Alaska mama? You can ask your friend, "since when did Alaskans give a rat's patootie what anybody else thought?"

I'm from Fairbanks, and I'd be FLOORED if anybody said two words to me about nursing in "public"-- not that a friend's home is really "public" IMHO

Anyways, just wanted to reach out and say that I'm sorry anybody would undermine your nursing like that. You're doing the right thing, without question!!!
 

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I'd be pretty upset, especially that she waited until you'd arrived to inform you of this. I'd rather know if I was not completely welcome at someone's home before I took the trouble to go there.
 

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I would have been bothered. Your friend was probably trying to warn you that someone like the wal-mart lady would comment.

Now I am not shy when it comes to retorting comments so I would have said something to the wal-mart comment.
"Oh that could have been me"...funny laugh sweet smile


Also, I have met my fair share of breastfeeding mothers who don't agree with nursing in public. They are all for breastfeeding and the benefits..etc. But still believe that women should not be doing it openly in public. It is hard when that happens.

I don't think it would hurt to bring it up to your friend. Maybe just ask if she wanted you to go elsewhere and tell her how you were a little uncomfortable but you respect that it is her home.
 

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I am sorry you felt unwelcome by this. I am not really a trouble maker as some others are, but if someone started saying how gross they think it is, well that would add fuel to my fire and I would want my baby to get hungry, lol. I am passionate about bf and my childs right to be fed in comfort no matter where I am. But I think the best think for me is to remember that I often have to parent in other ways in public and there will always be people who dont like the way I do it( you know, people who want you to know your kid "needs" a spanking, blah blah blah).
 

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Hey, I just read the other day about a Mom in walmart with 2 or three kids and nursing a baby with her boob hangin'out! It was here I read it and the mom was happpy to have seen it! Betcha it was the same mom in walmart!
~L
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks again to all the mamas who wrote in with their support! I'm sorry I didn't write back sooner, but we were traveling and nursing ALL over the place
Looking back on this whole drama, I think the hardest part for me was that what I did was not in harmony with what I believe and what I felt-- that nursing is wonderful and something that I want to advocate and educate people about. I'm happy to say that I did a lot of nursing in front of pregnant and ttc couples while we were traveling, so hopefully I helped plant some seeds.
I've decided to ask this mom who it was that was 'squeamish' about the nursing, how she handled it, and try to act as a support for her- perhaps she was uncomfortable as well, you know? As I think we all agreed, I don't think her intent was harmful.
And yes, I'm in Alaska, but new here, so still need some time to work up to the typical Alaskan independence- but I do look forward to using the phrase "rat's patootie" at some point soon :LOL
I am thankful to each of you~
 
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