She only listens when I yell - it seems

My ds is going thru the same thing. Not all the time, but alot of the time. I think it's a few things (for my ds): it's "normal" for that age, i'm pg, it's like getting a big reaction (which we know they love ), sometimes he honestly does not hear me. He hears me, but he is so into what he is doing that it doesn't register. I always ask three times totally calm. This usually is the magic number. And I try to make sure that I have his attn each and every time I ask. I think it is asking too much to want a 3 yr old to listen all the time and to only have to ask once or twice. It would be fantastic! But, unlikely :LOL. Best wishes to you mama! Please take care of yourself

Ds and I had this dynamic going for a little while when he first turned 3. It lasted until I realized that the reason it was happening is because I was expecting him to listen to my words when what he really needed was action.

3 is deceptive because their vocabulary typically expands, they communicate much better, but they're still not, IMO, ready to follow verbal direction with 100% (or even close) precision.

What helped was to include the words, but act. I asked once verbally. No response? I went over and remedied the situation myself, meanwhile telling him why. For instance, grabbing things off of the counter (first, I'd be inclined to move those things so they're out of her reach, but I understand that it's not always an option): "Dd, I can help you look at those things. Please don't grab them off the counter. They (or you) might get hurt." If there's no response, go over and physically stop her from grabbing them while saying the same thing. With hitting brother, I wouldn't even bother with the verbal. Just stop her (or remove brother) while telling her, "I can't allow you to hurt brother. You may touch him gently or not at all."

The problem with yelling (well, one of the problems), is that they get to the point where the yelling is routine, as well, and also gets ignored. I'm sure you know that, though. It's just a really good mantra to repeat when you find yourself starting.

Sorry if that's nothing new. I'm sure the other mamas will have much more creative solutions.

I'm so sorry about your baby.

A few ideas about the yelling.

-Are you allowing enough time between the first request and the following ones? Give the request/directive, then count to ten silently in your head. If, by the time you get to 10, she still has not responded, then...
-Make sure she heard you. Ask her. "Did you hear what I said" or "What did I say, honey?" Repeat yourself if necessary... If she does not respond...
-Perhaps try counting. In a totally calm voice, give her until 3, and then either help her do what you ask or gently remove her from the situation. (BTW, don't count if she is harming someone. In our house, that is an "automatic 3".)
-When possible, go over to her and touch her (arm, back, whatever) and make eye contact while talking.

Now, I just need to remember to follow my own advice.

DS is 3 1/2 and I concur, listening is still a skill in progress. If I truly want him to hear me, I need to be calm, use as few words as possible and most importantly, kneel down and talk to him face to face, using physical action when necessary... say, if he's being rough with the cat, I'll stop him in motion--firmly/gently, and then go on with my explanation. DS tends to tune me out if I lecture or go on.

In addition, without the benefit of my physical action, eye level approach, I needn't bother doing or saying anything at all. The fact is, he can become so into playing that he truly just does not hear me. I've never sensed that he's ignoring me on purpose at all... still just learning how to be in his play world and be attentive to what's going on around him. Like I mentioned before, still a work in progress.

Best of luck!