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I feel so rejected. My 1 yo needs her own space to sleep, and I'm a little sad.

My 4 yo has always needed to sleep right next to me touching me. We both slept so well and have really enjoyed our time snuggling together. For the last month she has been sleeping on her own mattress pushed next to ours (all are on the floor). Although its really just an extention of our king sized bed, she started hating it and was waking up crying. The baby is a light sleeper and wakes up when dh comes to bed or when or go to the bathroom, etc. Usually she nurses right back to sleep in seconds so I never thought much about it. Then last week she started wanting to get up when she was awakened.

So for a week of awful sleep, I have DD1 waking up crying, and I don't know why, and DD2 waking up wanting to play. I am
thinking WTF?! DD1 comes back to sleep in the big bed, and by chance I lay DD2 down on the extra mattress while I go to the bathroom. Not only doesn't she wake up when I come back but she sleeps ALL night. We've kept it up for week now and both girls are sleeping ALL night. That has never happened before.

Ok, so why am I complaining? I feel strange, like the baby is being denied the awesome pleasure of snuggling with wonderful me! Or that her big sister is pigging in and ruining the cosleeping experience for her. DH says cosleeping is to respond to the baby's needs quickly, and we should respond to dd2's need for space just as we respond to dd1's need for closeness. Did I do something wrong that she doesn't want to be close to us? Maybe our sleeping environment had been too chaotic for her. Or is it just personality?

I sheepishly admit that I secretly thought all you mama's with babies who "slept better in their own bed" were full of it.
: Forgive judgemental ole me.
Am I crazy for feeling this way?
 

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There is nothing wrong with either of your children. And I think it still counts as cosleeping if the kids are all in your room- they don't have to be physcially touching you. It sounds like personality to me- dd1 is a cuddlly person, and dd2 is a little less cuddllly- nothing wrong with either one.
 

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I went through the same thing. DD1 needed to sleep with someone touching her, DD2 needed to be sprawled out without any contact. I felt terribly guilty thinking of that teeny little girl all by herself, but she was happy I finally got the message!! They are older now, they sleep in the same bed and DD2 still squishes herself by the wall to get away from her sister.

Yes, I think the biggest part of good parenting is listening to YOUR child and responding to their needs. If you polled the mama's here, some would want to be "spooning" or touching their partner all night, other's would want a kiss then get the heck away from me. I am all for snuggling, but I cannot sleep with DH slung over me. We compromise and keep our foot touching, that serves both our needs.

My DD2 still does not like to snuggle, she says it makes her need to pee. So if I want to snuggle, I have been instructed that DD1 is my girl. If I want to tickle someone DD2 is the one I need.
 

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Yep same here. My 3.5 yr old dd still sleeps with us most nights but just turned 1 ds is another story. After many nights of constant waking out of desperation I put him in his own bed. I got up everytime he cried, nursed him back to sleep etc. Well by night 4 he slept from 7:30pm to 5:30am. Not a peep. Sometimes he wakes once before I go to bed for a last snack but most nights he is out till dawn. It's a strange feeling I know!
 

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DD sleeps better in her own space and sometimes when I'm in bed alone (DH works til midnight), I just get so sad. I miss my baby. Why doesn't she want to sleep next to me? I now cosleep with the laptop.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Glad I'm not the only one that is a little sad about it! I never would have thought I'd actually have a child who sleeps better BEFORE I come to bed.
 

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ds will actually fall asleep sometimes if I lay him down while half asleep(only at night) He likes to be put to sleep, but he is picky, he only likes to sleep on his tummy as he was very colicky, and I pretty much have to put him down right as he falls asleep or he squirms like crazy. He will sleep okay on my back or int he sling.

So, at night we have always put dd to sleep, then layed her down on the couch until we go to bed. When ds came along we put them to sleep at the same time, and then lay them down until we go to bed.So, they sleep about half the night, not quite, by themselves. But always in the same room, or very near by.Ds is about as cuddly as they come, and loves to snuggle at night. buthe also likes to have a few good hours of sleep on his tummy.


I also thought the same thing. :LOL But AP is about meeting needs. Being there and responding to your individual child. Im sure she will go in and out of phases of needing you more/needing to sleep on her own
 

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DS used to only sleep well if he was in his own room with the door closed and the lights blackened out. I think is was a sensory thing. Todeay he has alot of symptoms of sensory integration dysfunction

DD slept w/ us until she was 4 1/2, they really are so different
 

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I have one of each-- one still likes to sleep with us when we let her (which is often) and one (my toddler) prefers her crib.

ETA: This is how she sleeps. :LOL
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by chersolly
DD sleeps better in her own space and sometimes when I'm in bed alone (DH works til midnight), I just get so sad. I miss my baby. Why doesn't she want to sleep next to me? I now cosleep with the laptop.
:LOL :LOL :LOL

Another mom to a DS who sleeps like a champ all by himself. He likes to sleep sprawled out with his feet propped up on the side of his crib. When I bring him into bed with me, he can't sleep and just sits up and pokes my eyes.

You can "nighttime parent" with your child sleeping in a crib too! I'm not any less a parent because he is sleeping soundly in his own space 10 feet from the side of my bed. I feel fortunate it has been so EASY. But sad he's not in my arms at night.
 

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My DD has slept better in her own space practically since birth. Cosleeping was a thrashing, sweaty, wakeful nightmare for both of us. I started using our cosleeper as a bassinet and things got SO much better. Kincaid is right, you can still be a parent at night, even if you're in your own bed.

And your DH is absolutely right: you just have to listen to your child's needs. If DD ever wants back in the family bed, she is more than welcome! Until then, I know that she's getting the best sleep possible by having her own space.
 

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Well, most people have the idea that nioghttime AP parenting is only sleeping with baby the whole night....like, everyone going to bed the same time. I think that is sad that it has to be one way for everyone. I think it should rather be parents being very attentive to baby's needs, not letting them cry, and doing what works for everyone. Soemtimes, ds has a hard night teething or is gassy(pretty often lately) and I can't put himn down at all. So, we just go with the flow
 
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