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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DD will be 2 tomarrow and I'm about to give her away to the next person who asks for her. I don't know what to do with her nothing works!<br>
She always crying(for EVERYTHING) or always fighting. She fights her brother and her cousins over any little thing, she scratches, hits, even bites. And fo rthose who feel that children learn this behaviour I CAN NOT fathom where she would have learned from. DH and I do not physically fight and neither does her brother. But she's always passed licks since she started walking. She spent some time with her cousins(my brother's kids) earlier this year and they do fight(ALOT) but now they've mellowed out and she's a monster. I spend most of the day pulling her off one of them.<br><br>
And the crying makes me want<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br>
She spends so much time crying I think that's the reason she doesn't talk. She cries when she wants something, whem she doesn't want something, when you ask her to do something. when she can't have her way. Basically if she's not crying she's fighting someone.<br>
I keep saying if only she could talk(she says some things but no sentances)than she woudn't cry so much(A wish actually)but in the mean time I'm just<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
Help.I've tried to talk to her, time outs, cater to her, help, help, help!! Hell she's crying now!
 

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I can relate. Sometimes my kid drives me soooo crazy...<br><br>
I've noticed it comes in waves - like, last week was her first week at preschool (she had a summer session, but it was the start of the school year), Daddy was out of town, Mommy was pregnant, grumpy, and stressed about school... and guess what? She was a total pain. She drove me nuts.<br><br>
This week, somehow things are better.<br><br>
My point is - if this is an on-again, off-again thing, maybe she's working out some stresses. How much space between your two? Is her younger sibling suddenly more alert, or grabbing her toys, or taking up more of your time? Is there anything major going on in your family she could be reacting to?<br><br>
If it's constant - maybe it would be a good idea to talk to your pediatrician or a friend for a recommendation for a family therapist. Even just a few sessions with someone who is calm and has access to ideas and techniques you may not have though of can be a lifesaver. It's no fun for anyone to have constant friction and mom feeling driven to the edge of her sanity...<br><br>
Good luck. This too shall pass.
 

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I don't have kids yet but am really enjoying learning from reading here on the boards. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but based on what I've heard from other people that have had tough times with their toddlers, at least I can tell you it will eventually pass. One 2 year old I knew a long time ago would take a belt and lash at everyone in sight, pull his sister's hair out, and basically hit and fight constantly. I asked his Mom about it and she said his Dad was the same way as a little boy and grew up to be the most loving man you can imagine. So she wasn't too worried about it. Sure enough he's turned out to be a good kid. I don't think many of us can remember the way we acted at that young of an age, so I doubt it has much bearing on how they'll be later in life. Sorry for you that you have to tough it out in the meantime though<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Ugh. My little guy will be 2 in a couple weeks, and I can relate to a lot of what you said. I think it's a language frustration with my boy. He whines incessantly, points, grunts, and whines some more. 'Fake' cries way too much too. I've been teaching him signs (his hearing is fine- he understands what we tell him and often responds appropriately, but can't communicate his thoughts). The signs help a bit, but I too am waiting for words to come, and for the frustration to stop. It's a terribly hard time for us too! It'll pass soon, I hope!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I do believe alot of the crying is due to lack of langauge skills. She does try to get her point across and after a few misinterpritations she starts crying. But she does cry an excess amount. Mean time I have to hear from everyone how bratty she is, how terrible how I better "get it out of her now while she's young" And wether or not I advocate spanking is besides the point as even a spanking mom (in my shoes) would have to whip her black and blue as much as she cries. So on top of pulling my hair out from the fighting and crying I have my mother, sister, grandma, aunt, etc telling me how spoiled she is, how she doesn't have to cry that, how sorry they feel for my other children, etc.<br><br>
And I dom't know what to do to mellow her out.<br>
As for changes, in the last 6 months her father has gone to Iraq and we have moved in with my parents to save money. Plus in the last week my brothers kids have come to live. So yes major changes and no she didn't use to be such a ......brat.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> gosh do I know where you are coming from<br><br>
My DD has gone through that phase a lot lately (comes and goes in 2 week periods, just long enough for me to contemplate leaving her on someone's doorstep...then she's great again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: )<br><br>
The hitting thing: well, most children hit period! Don't beat yourself up about her hitting, she is frustrated and isn't getting her point across, so she communicates how she can (by hitting, biting, screaming, crying)<br><br>
she isn't a brat, and you are not a bad mommy <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> she's a normal 2yo child who has a bunch of stress (daddy gone, recently moved) and needs to relieve some of that stress.<br><br>
One thing I really like doing with DD when she gets overwhelmed (stressed) is do a massage on her. I wait until she is in a cooperative mood, start with some lotion on her feet....slowly and calmly start rubbing her feet while singing "round and round and round we go, where we stop nobody knows....round and round and round we go, where do we stop? at your toes" and then I tickle her toes.....<br><br>
I try to make up a song for every part of her body that I massage, it seems to soothe her and makes me feel more connected with her.<br><br>
I've noticed with me, that when DD starts acting out like that I seem to disconnect myself from her and get more and more irritated. When I sit down and make myself try and understand her and relate to her then I connect better with her, I get less frustrated and start slowing down and taking the time to make sure she knows that I still love her and that she is still precious to me. (sounds way easier than it is sometimes)<br><br>
Have you considered doing sign language with her? like easy signs for drink, eat, sleep, nurse (if you breastfeed)....this might just give her a few words to help you understand her.<br><br>
Or, take a full day and just make yourself enjoy her (is she your only child?, if not then this might be a bit harder) but take the day and do what she wants to do...right now she is probably trying to find some sort of freedom, independance and still needs the comfort of knowing that you will set reasonable boundries for her. Anyway, take the whole day and just have fun, don't punish her for being 2...she IS acting her age. Color, paint...make a huge mud puddle and splash around in it. Go to the park, follow her around, feed the ducks, go for a walk, turn on some music and dance like crazy around the house....just make it fun! If she is having fun then maybe she won't think about fighting with someone.<br><br>
good luck<br>
Rachel
 

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I agree with the previous poster. My ds seems to be much screechier when he feels like no one is paying attention to him. I am talking to him about using his words instead of screaming, and even though he can't talk, he babbles which is much nicer. I would suggest redirecting. Can you sit with her and read to her, or color with her. If you have a baby (from your sig it seems you do) read to her while you nurse. Let her know that things are ok, and try not to let yourself get too frustrated. The more frustrated I am, the worse ds behaves, typically.<br><br>
Hang in there<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You are not a bad mother, and your daughter is not a spoiled child.
 

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OKAY, I was just about to join the fun & post about how awful my 2 y 1 mo dd is...she has been screaming at me, hitting me, trying to bite me, being the worst to her unsuspecting brother, regressing from using the potty--will only try to flush it 3000 times a day--<br><br>
However, she just ran by me buck naked as I type this--carrying her wet diaper & dirty clothes from today--straight into the laundry room & in the washer...how can I complain about that sweet thing?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:<br><br>
She's got me wrapped around her finger & it's like living with a miniature multiple personality disorder<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><br>
Keep the faith mamas!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I'm sad to say that I can not spend alot of one on one time with her as I also have a 6 month old and a 6 year old. Not to mention my neice and nephew( 2 and 3). So during the day I have all four young ones here.<br>
Everything is mine, mine, mine with her and she does HATE it when I do something for someone else. She's pretty good about the baby, I think she understands baby gotta eat. BUt the other two can not spend any cuddle time( holding them or playing with one of them) she has fits. Also my mother can not hold them(my gamma, mine!)<br>
But we do have alot of time at night together since the baby and DS go to bed early and also in the mornings after he goes to school and the baby still sleeps. I was reading an article(don't remember the mag) that says to try to eliminate the compition(like but two of everything, etc) but isn't this counterproductive in teaching them to share?
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by jeca</i><br><b>I was reading an article(don't remember the mag) that says to try to eliminate the compition(like but two of everything, etc) but isn't this counterproductive in teaching them to share?</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
at 2 your child shouldn't be expected to know how to share, I'd say just get 2 of everything if that saves your sanity. :LOL<br><br>
what about making some things a game, like who can get their jammies on faster, the winner gets to pick the bedtime story.<br><br>
or you could simply ignore her screaming at you and remind her to use nice words to talk to you. Tell her that you cannot hear her with all that noise going on, walk away. I know, I know easier said than done! make a safe place for her to sit while she calms down (a big pillow with some stuffed animals in a quiet corner might work) you could make it the quiet corner and whenever ANYONE in the house feels like they are losing control they can sit there, this means that when you feel like you need a moment of peace then you can go there too. Children learn by example, if she sees mama doing it then she will imitate you and do it too.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> hope things go better for you
 

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I think your dd has other kids around and is missing a papa right now and needs attention more than anything. She is vying for attention and space with the other kids - normal.<br><br>
My dd drives me to the brink. If you are at home and not trying to get your grocery shopping done - when she feaks out and you want to get totally nuts about it - you are jumping out of your skin - I say drop to the floor and talk to her, sit your butt on the floor get right down to her eye level and talk for three minutes - it makes a world of differnece with my dd.<br><br>
I know sometimes they just freak out and make you want to die a thousand deaths because the screaming has gone too far. They ae toddlers. It's waht they do. Don't be too hard on her or on yourself....<br><br>
she is not a brat. Don't treat her like one and steal yoursel against the insanity - while oyu try to get to he level. When she is four this will all be a memory.
 
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