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OKay, I have a neighbor next door...a sweet super-friendly person with two wonderful daughters who come over to play all the time. I was telling L how Ellery cries in the car and I'm basically trapped at home.....she stopped me and said "how old is she again"..."three months? oh....she's manipulating you! At 3 months, they already know how to get you. {insert evil snicker} You should just let her cry and then she'll know".....
:
: Know what? that her mom isn't going to meet her needs.

I still think she's a sweet person and a great mom to her girls who are 3 & 6 but ...come on'....okay well I'm not sure why I"m posting this...maybe the thread title should have gone something like....

What kind of bizarre parenting advice have you gotten lately :LOL
shoot that threads already taken DOH! copy & paste copy & paste quick! :LOL
 

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I had a mom in a new moms group I was in when dd was a newbie tell that to me. Dd had just fallen over into a puddle, (I kid you not) of drool from this mom's babe and she started to cry. She was so wet I had to change her outfit. It was gross. And, this other mom tells me that my dd is just manipulating me. That is just one reason why I gave up that group a month later.

My personal, all time, favorite gross parenting comment to make is "well, they still love you in the morning." This from the cio people in that same moms group.

See why I left
 

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no one has told me about that stuff yet, probably because i pick her up when it's just barely a whimper before it even gets to a cry! talk about mama being controlled
i'm prepared, though! if someone tells me about babies and manipulation, i'll say that we ALL manipulate, everything we do all day long is manipulation. if you turn a doorknob because you want the door to open, guess what? you are manipulative! a semantic defense leaves most people speechless.
 

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I have to pipe in too, although my babe is now a preschool-aged kid - my mother used this "manipulating you" line a lot on us. All the time. Apparently (and I have verified this) it comes from Dr. Berry Brazelton, a pediatrician very popular with many mainstream parents. My mother used his books, and it was like I was telling her God was dead when I said I didn't agree. He's big on those nasty little manipulating babies and their devious 8-month old ways. I'm sure other peds use this line as well.

All I can say is that my mother may be THE most manipulative person on Earth. She's really obvious about it too...and I call her on it now. She kept giving me this line (about cosleeping, picking up DD when she cried, feeding her on demand, etc etc) until I said, "well mom, I really think children learn how to be manipulative by watching it modelled by their parents, and it's a little early for that right now. I find this a pretty open, direct way of communication, actually."

I guess you probably can't say that to your neighbor though, huh. However, the people I've seen most concerned with "manipulation" are those who are totally into manipulation themselves. I do think it's possible for older children to manipulate (and I've seen some incredibly devious examples, i.e knowing JUST what embarrasses the parent to the point of demanding candy to complete the grocery trip "I'll stop yelling if buy me a snickers") but uh, they have really manipulative parents who bribe and trick their kids into things all the time with some crazy mind games (i.e. if you pick up your room, I'll buy you a new toy, but then...not buy the toy and promise it again next time). And the kids trick their parents back. And the parents complain about how manipulative the kid is, who knows why?


P.S. My daughter cried all the time in the car too until about 12 mos. Screaming. It was so sad. We had some SHORT car trips and more walking. It was 100% better once we turned around her car seat (at one year). So it will end, hopefully sooner for you. Now she loves the car. Who knew?!
 

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When people talk like that to me, I just refer them to Dr. Sears. I'm like..oh you haven't heard of Dr. Sears? Wow, you need to get his books! Usually that shuts them up and the convo goes elsewhere. It also kinda puts the comment back to them and implies that they are the ones not educated and you are LOL.

Sherra
 

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some people just need to grow up. It's not like it's your 32 year old dh whining about a video game when there is a bill to be paid
It's a child, who has needs, who doesn't want to be in a big plastic bucket when it could be in soft arms and near nourishment.

just let it wash off... or tell her to take a hike, depending on how good of a neighboor she is otherwise
:
 

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my sister called the other night, and lincoln crawled up to me and made the nursing sign while fussing. i said, "hold on, gotta latch the baby" and she said, "oh, he gets everything he wants, huh?"

well, yeah! he's a baby! he doesn't want much... just some food and love and diapers!

(my theory... they're jealous)

k
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by SamuraiEarthMama
my sister called the other night, and lincoln crawled up to me and made the nursing sign while fussing. i said, "hold on, gotta latch the baby" and she said, "oh, he gets everything he wants, huh?"

well, yeah! he's a baby! he doesn't want much... just some food and love and diapers!
k
EXACTLY!! I mean, what is so wrong about basic neccessities being met??? I am sure she gets to eat, pee, and get dressed when she needs to, right???!

(well, unless she has a newborn, rofl, but that is different, right?
: )
 

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I love how people think that babies of that age who can't even find their own fists are into manipulating people to do things for them. Heck "I'm" often not smart enough to do that!
 

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Wow, she's manipulating you already! Impressive. Gosh by a 6 months she could be ready to run for city council.
I feel sad for people who have that attitude. They have probably been told that by several people, and believe it. They must miss out on lots of cuddletime and fun if they are afraid of manipulation.
The "What To Expect the First Year" book talks about manipulation a lot too. Unfortunately I think that series is like the bible to many new parents. That book has sent me into fits of anger. I'd throw it in the recycle bin, except the first aid info is ok.
 

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Merriam-Webster online defines manipulate as "2 a : to manage or utilize skillfully." I beleive that our lovely babes maniplate us from day one! It is their survival skills coming on in full force. It is babe's job to teach mama and dada how to care for them. They communicate by crying and cooing. They let us know what they need. They manage us skillfully. I, for one, am thankful for this, because with my first babe, I was pretty clueless. His manipulation helped me become the responsive parent I am today!

When people tell me my baby is manipulating me, I say, "I know! Isn't it wonderful!" Let's take on the positive meaning of the word and revel in it!
 

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Well, I know my babe is manipulating me already. We won't even meet for another 3 months, but already s/he's making me eat more than I usually do, and I have to pee ALL the time! S/he even wakes me up in the middle of the night to make me go to the bathroom. Little bastard...

 
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