She's Pregnant - Is It Time To Split?

Ok - just thinking/typing out loud here....I don't think it's fair for a man to be forced into paying child support for a child he clearly didn't want if the woman went entirely against his wishes and got pregnant anyway. On the other hand, it's a slippery slope and who gets to decide what is "intentional" w/regards to getting pregnant? Forgetting to take your bc? Not using a secondary method of bc if you're on antibiotics and also the pill and decide to have sex? Charting your temp, watching your cervical mucus and you honestly never see the egg white mucus and decide to have unprotected sex and "just chance it?"

I don't know what to think....no one should be coerced into becoming a parent, but I think both men and women should take responsibility for the fact that when they have unprotected or underprotected sex that a child could be the result....

Could men sign away their parental rights, would that work? Hmmm, have to think this over some more.

I don't know how I feel about that honestly.

I mean, I recognize that cases DO happen where someone tries to get pregnant on purpose etc, but I think it is really rare when speaking in terms of trying to get money. I think more often people will try to do that to like "hold on" to a relationship they already have (not that it is AT ALL HEALTHY). In other words, I think few women are like, let me get pregnant so I get some child support from this guy!

I honestly don't know. While I feel it is the responsibility of both parents to take care of their child, both financially and emotionally...sometimes financial help is all you can expect or get. I feel though, if I have to force anyone to do anything...like take someone to court for money or whatever... I would probably not do it. F- them ya know? I mean, that way I feel like I would have more of a leg to stand on because if they were not contributing in ANY way financially or emotionally, then they have less of a say in how I parent which is fine with me.

Of course there are many women who really need the financial support they recieve and they really do use it solely for their children and in those cases, of course I think they deserve it. However, it has to be said that I have known women personally even who seemed to want the hassle more than they needed the money and used child support or seeking of it as a way to "get" their deadbeat ex or whatever. In other words I heard more conversations along the lines of "he created this child too, he is going to PAY UP!!" rather than... "man, you don't know how hard it is, I need that money for our child..." type statements -- which are more conducive, I would think, to someone who is doing it for the right reasons.

However, there is always the case of what is the woman's responsibility in all this? Should a man have to pay for 18 years financially for one night of sex? Yes, it can be argued that he should have known better, he made a choice, etc... but at the same time, so did she... she could have like, said um, you put on a condom or no lovin'...

Crap I dunno, it is hard all the way around. I do know though that if you are um, well, what is a nice word for this... *unbalanced* enough to intentionally get yourself pregnant by the means you mentioned above ..on purpose... without discussing it with the guy, and doing it behind his back... I don't know as he should have to pay anything... that is a really weird, kind of um, not healthy thing to do...

In the case of the woman who allegedly raped a boy who was 12 and he had to pay child support.. I won't even touch that. I dunno any of the details and how the heck would a 12 year old go about paying anyone anything? Do his parents have to or what? Weird...and kind of sick.. a grown woman having sex with a 12 year old, even if it were "consentual"... but hey maybe they will get married like that crazy teacher and her student and it will all be okay *sheesh* *blech*

Well, of course I don't believe a 12-year-old who has been raped should have to pay cs!

But I believe that true fraud - where a woman pokes holes in condoms or steals sperm and uses a syringe - is actually very rare, while accidental pregnancies are very common. Men should not be able to get out of paying cs just because they didn't want a child.

Some ideas - men could always use condoms, even if the woman is on bc. This might be a good idea anyway, what with diseases and all...and if it makes them feel more secure, they can use their own condoms so they know she's not poking holes in them. Men could also have a vasectomy; there are doctors who will perform them on men who do not have children. Men could also abstain from vaginal intercourse.

Perhaps before having vaginal intercourse, couples could discuss unplanned pregnancy and talk about what they would do. Then, if one partner did not agree with what the other partner would do, they could decide not to have vaginal intercourse.

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This is just wrong.. If the boy is NOW 12.. Isn't that considered statuatory rape... And last I checked you aren't responsible for injuries to an assaillant when you are being victimized.. So.. I think that could or SHOULD be easily changed.. As well as that woman going to jail..

Just my.02
Dyan

I haven't really read the other replies because I want to have my own thoughts about this first.

I think when you have sex, condom, b/c pills, or something else, you need to face the fact- and ACCEPT it- that you might become a parent. Because things happen. There is no way to prove that someone committed fertility fraud- no birth control method is foolproof, short of having your uterus removed.

I think it stinks when someone intentionally gets pregnant when their partner doesn't want to be a parent, but OTOH, if you aren't willing to "risk" becoming a parent, then you shouldn't be having sex with someone. Period. Even if the woman is deceitful and get semen from a condom, presumably the man still had sex with her. Who is to say the condom was effective? Unless she admits to being deceitful, there is just no way to prove anything.

That said, my SIL intentionally got pregnant when my brother wasn't altogether ready to have kids. How do I know this? Because she told my husband it was "an accident" (she never normally talks to him, so it was fishy that she would talk to him about this, as if she had something to prove) and then later told my sister she wanted another kid and my brother didn't, but she could trick him into it because she had before. Do I respect her or the things she is doing? No. But my brother married her and slept with her, so it is his deal, and he has taken responsibility for, and loves, his children. Which is how it should be.

If you can't or won't pay, don't play. Maybe before anyone has sex, they should sign something saying they are aware of the risks! Maybe some men don't realize how you get a woman pregnant. ??????

**Disclaimer that this obviously does not include rape, particularly when the boy is only 12- that is just sick and anybody who does that should go to jail for a long time.**

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I'm not trying to be "flippant" and I'm not assuming anything other than about the law. I'm trying to see this situation where the rights to support a child or not support a child were the same for both women and men.

It occurred to me that (as far as I know) a woman can decide at any time that she does not want to support her child anymore. I know that men do not have this legal right. Unless, maybe if they are the only legal guardian. Maybe, in that case, the father could also give the child up for adoption.

I'm looking at this in the abstract. I don't mean to offend.

Are any of you who think that sex=support for a child for men pro-choice for women? How do you reconcile this? I'm not suggesting for one second that it can't be done I just struggle with it myself.