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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do you avoid them?.... How do you GD your way around them? lol <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
My ds use to be such a little angel in the stores! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br>
Now hes a bit over two years old and well...likes to help himself to everything!<br><br>
I realise its probably one of those things that is just going to take time and sometimes I just cant 'avoid' going.<br><br>
I just hate the looks I get. The 'why dont you put him in toddler reins', 'why isnt he in a buggy', 'why dont you control your child'....attitudes. Or maybe its all in my head.<br><br>
It just seems that my ds doesnt hear me at all when we go shopping!...Everythign we do everywhere else goes completly out of the window! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ... Everywhere else, he will stay near me, everywhere else he will listen to me, etc... But get inside a store and he wants to touch everything. I put myself in his shoes though and I can totally see it from his point of view!... He doesnt think he needs to stay near me because he knows I will never leave him. He knows the store, knows he area, knows his way around. Its just like being in the house - so he thinks its okay if he cant see me sometimes....I let him explore everything else in the world so why cant he explore everything in the shops? lol<br><br>
I am going on a bit but it just seems to me that this is our new phase and I know it will pass...but perhaps I am not confident with how to deal with it. As I said - he doesnt seem to hear me or listen to me in the shops. How he behaves there...is not the same anywhere else at all!<br><br>
Today I had to go get some prescription from the chemist and its a tiny tiny tiny shop - so I didnt care if he was walking around it (I mean as big as our living room) and he was looking at a display of hair brushes (in this round stand up cardboard display thing) when he knocked it over accidentally.... Of course the lady in the shop gave me disapproving looks and told my son 'NO!' blah blah blah...grrr.... and it was just like I have read...I wanted the earth to open and swallow me up there and then lol.... My son did pick up the brushes but still...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:... He sometimes thinks its a game too. He wants to do what everyone else is doing. He will 'pretend' shop. Which is all well and good and cute and fun - but the shop people dont appreciate it and it makes more work for me.<br><br>
I suppose I just want this behavior to stop and I want him to behave in the shops like he does everywhere else...or really he does...but I want him to know the differnece and to listen to me like he does everywhere else. I dont want to just avoid going shopping! lol...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> (but hes a person too...why do shopkeepers treat 'toddlers' like they are aliens or something?! ugh)<br><br>
What do you do? What would you do?<br>
(ps - he will not go in a trolly or his sling)
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
oh.....<br><br>
then what does? lmao<br>
I am not saying GD is 'the' problem...I would like to know how to fix this 'problem' with GD...
 

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My DD gets absolutely giddy when let loose in the shopping mall. We only take her in there if we're both relaxed and don't have a rigid agenda.<br><br>
I'm chalking it up to her age and try to be laid back about it. I rarely take her on my own though because she won't sit in a shopping cart and the stroller is not an option anymore....she's usually yelling to get out about 30 seconds after getting into it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
DH and I take turns...one follows her random path around the store trying to keep her from destroying the place and the other one gets the stuff done that we need. Otherwise I shop during the day when I'm at work.<br><br>
If things get out of hand (temper tantrums etc.) we pick up and leave.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
lol...thats what we are doing at the moment....So much better when there is two of us and we are doing it how you do - we take turns that way one of us has our full attention on him.<br><br>
Maybe it is just an 'age' thing. I know it wont last forever. Its just strange how stores seem to be another world for him. We were doing so well! lol...We havnt been to the shops in awhile simply because I dont think we could handle it...it always ends in a temper tantrum. But I cant really avoid them or how will he learn?
 

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I think Disneyland for toddlers is being let loose in a grocery store. If I was rich, I'd make just such a "playland grocery store" and invite every toddler from miles around. It would be a hit!<br><br>
Toddlers in grocery stores are doing what they're supposed to be doing - exploring, manipulating, running. Unfortunately, that is very problematic for other customers. Toddlers are so short and they make sudden, darting movements and its very dangerous for them (DD once almost got run over by a lady in an electric cart - it nearly gave the lady a heart attack, and I felt pretty terrible when I saw her face). Plus it really just isn't okay to randomly touch the belongings of others that you don't intend to purchase.<br><br>
We've tried a variety of things to help DD be okay with not running about in the store. We offer the backpack, the stroller, the cart, and in some stores, they have those car-like carts which DD loves. We encourage her to take something with her to play with or a snack. She can hold some of the items we are going to purchase if they are safe. But under no circumstances can she run about.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BellinghamCrunchie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9862876"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think Disneyland for toddlers is being let loose in a grocery store.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Completely agree!<br><br>
Some ideas:<br><br>
-We do 1-2 quick store stops per outing. After that he's done.<br>
-If he rides in the cart, I have a snack for him. This does WONDERS.<br>
-If he's walking, he has his leash on so he can wander but not too far.<br>
-I'm not on a time schedule so he can explore a bit on a wandering path as I gather what I need. Example: we were at the mall yesterday for 2 things. On the way from store 1 to store 2 we had a big play time on the ramp.<br>
-SLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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try to avoid stores, especially crowded ones--it is a phase, it will pass;<br><br>
in the stores, be close enough to him as not to let him seriously wreck something or disturb other shoppers;<br><br>
develop a thick skin when others glare;<br><br>
keep doing what you are doing GD-wise;<br><br>
breathe;<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ann_of_loxley</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9862582"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am not saying GD is 'the' problem...I would like to know how to fix this 'problem' with GD...</div>
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Ah, there you go. Sorry, I get a bit weary of people confusing GD with no discipline, then wondering why it isn't working. I see now that this isn't what you were doing.<br><br>
What worked with my (admittedly) very easy going dd was to explain to her 'that's not ours. We can't touch that. That belongs to the store. We're not supposed to touch things when they're not ours.'<br><br>
She didn't fully get the first time, or second, or third, or fourth, or, or, or...but I was just completely consistent, always the same, always kept her from touching when I'd asked her not to, and she got to where she would listen and respond to me when I said that.
 

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I don't take my son shopping with me, unless we're going to buy him new shoes/clothes etc.<br><br>
I've done it a few times before and it is too stressful for me.<br><br><br><br><br>
Peace
 

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I've been using "Don't touch or mommy will pick you up" since DD started walking at 11.5 months. I hold her for a minute or so and let her back down to try again. She just turned two and her store behavior became more challenging about 3 months ago. So if My DD can't behave in a store we leave. I may ask her if she would like to stay home with daddy while I come back alone. Sometimes that helps her to decide to act in a manner which lets me shop. Sometimes I give her the choice of staying home and playing with daddy instead of shopping. I have found a snack while shopping helps a lot, so does riding in the 'car' shopping carts our grocery store has. And when she need to get out and walk, letting her help push the cart.<br>
Most of our nongrocery shopping we do as a family. One parent holds DD's hand and 'browses' while the other parent looks at clothes, electronics or whatever. We usually let her lead the way as long as she doesn't touch anything (then we pick her up). As long as she is busy moving she doesn't mind not being able to play with all the objects on display. After abit a 'browsing' we "go find daddy" which seems to be a fun activity in itself. If we shop for very long she usually ends up wanting to be held and we can all shop together.<br>
I feel briefly picking a toddler up for their own safety is still GD.
 

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I've had my share of hellish shopping trips with my children when they were younger, and I have worked many years in retail and been frustrated by seeing my store torn part by other people's children. In spite of those experiences, I have never agreed with the teaching the concept of "don't touch" to children in stores.<br><br>
It bothers me, because they see everyone else around them touching things in the store. Its what we ALL do. We go into stores, and we handle things, to read labels, or hold things up to the light, or whatever. And our little kids are following along, trying their best in their own toddler way how to operate in the world. The best way they can do this is to watch the adults who are raising them, and do what they do. And yeah, they aren't very good at it. But if we teach them "don't touch," then they walk around seeing that everyone else can touch, but they are not allowed because they are just children. I worry that they will start to get the feeling that they are deficient or subhuman, because of the many little ways in which they are expected to keep their paws to themselves. And its not just shopping -- there are so many hundreds of little ways that children are expected to just STAY out of community business. I don't think that is good -- I don't think we can raise children who feel completely confident or capable, if we exclude them from participating in community activities to whatever extent they are able.<br><br>
So, my approach was to invest a heck-of-a-lot of energy in teaching my children how to touch gently, to stay with mama, to examine things they see, to compare things they see, to carry things from the shelf to cart, to push the cart with me, to carry the list, etc. By the time they were three, my kids would straighten objects on shelves in stores -- shelves that other people had messed up.<br><br>
I'm not saying its easy. I had to shift my perspective a little, and remind myself that when I was running errands, I was really focusing on TWO goals at the same time. My FIRST goal was to teach my child how to operate in the world, in a way that helped him feel competent and successful. My second goal was to get the errand accomplished. It meant that I had to accept some innefficiency in terms of accomplishing the 2nd goal! LOL. But the first goal is infinetely more important.<br><br>
I do think "stay with mama" is important, and I will say, "Choose to stay with mama or go in the buggy. Which one?"<br><br>
Picking up prescriptions in the pharmacy is particularly difficult, because of the waiting. I try my hardest to drop off scripts or have them called in so that I don't have to wait. When I couldn't do that, I used to take a book with me to read to my kids, or bring a little drawing pad.<br><br>
Your kiddo is probably approaching the age when its a good idea to carry a little back-pack or a canvas bag with some books, cars, and snacks -- so that he can be occupied on errands.<br><br>
Its also time to forget about people who give nasty looks. Customers used to sometimes panic and rush to punish their kids for touching things, or making innocent messes in my store. I HATED it. I always used to rush over and say that it was okay, and that I liked when little ones helped with "shopping" in my store. Sometimes I would engage them and show them how to line things up on the shelf or fold things to "help." Or give them crayons and paper, which I always kept by the register. People really need to lighten up and appreciate the children that come in and out of their lives.
 

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Okay, I'm a shop owner and I agree there is a huge difference between GD and letting your child run WILD. I run a health food store and yes, it's an amusement park for kids. I had a customer bring in her maybe 18 month old and just let her do whatever. The mom actually had no chance to look because she spent the ENTIRE time in my store following around the baby picking up behind her mess (and I was doing the same because she wasn't keeping up). It was after closing time and her little one picked up a glass bottle of lime juice and threw it... broke it... glass and lime juice everywhere. She was trying to stay and clean that up (as I see her dd out of the corner of my eye pulling the lever on the bulk bins pouring flax seeds out). Now, when things get that out of hand something HAS to be done. A sling, a buggy, just more communication about what's acceptable.... SOMETHING. The only items the mom bought were the ones her dd broke.
 

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When we go to the grocery store ds goes in the cart, he holds the list and "reads" it to me. Him helping has helped tremendously. I still keep him in the cart for big grocery shopping though otherwise I would never finish.<br><br>
We have a co-op around the corner from our house, a small, tightly packed co-op with lots of stuff at ds's level. It is too small for carts, too small for him in the backpack or sling or stroller. I started to DREAD going in there with him. We had to go last night so I prepped him before we got there that he would hold the basket and help me shop. IT WORKED! I have no idea why I didn't do it sooner, I know this about him. He carried the basket, I put a few light items in it and all was well....until we were checking out, a slow process as there is no register it is all manual...and he started trying to go out the door. He can open the door and did but didn't walk out thankfully, I was close enough to grab him but its such a scene in that place because its so small and slow. Hopefully every time will get better though.<br><br>
When he goes to other places that we are only going to be for a few minutes I give him the option of the cart or walking, if he walks he has to stay near me and if I ask him not to touch anything and he continues he goes in the cart. I don't mind if he touches stuff, but if its breakable or dangerous I have to intervene.<br><br>
The dirty looks, who cares. I have stopped caring about dirty looks, I will admit though I have made comments in the heat of the moment to really nasty people. If ds is having a tantrum we leave, this doesn't happen often thankfully but it has a few times.
 

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I should've been more specific about "don't touch". I do let my DD look at appropriate things when we are shopping, which includes touching them. I also let her hold items we are buying if she wants to. But it's not safe to let toddlers touch big screen TVs, large cans of paint, tape dispensers with sharp edges ..... and lots of other items. So it's easier to let her look at items I hand her, at least at 24 months old. When I notice she is interested in something I can ask her if she wants to look at it or I can just comment on the item depending what it is. A two year old is too young to know what items are dangerous.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BellinghamCrunchie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9862876"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think Disneyland for toddlers is being let loose in a grocery store. If I was rich, I'd make just such a "playland grocery store" and invite every toddler from miles around. It would be a hit!</div>
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The children's museum here has an area exactly like this! All the food you've ever seen in a real grocery store, all plastic, of course. Plus child-sized carts and baskets, those awesome scales that hang down from the ceiling, realistic-looking checkout counters with cash registers. It's the most popular area in the entire museum.<br><br>
Behind the grocery store area, there's a section that's meant to teach where the food comes from before it's in the grocery store, and it has among other things a wonderful cow that you can "milk" and it'll moo for you.<br><br>
To the OP: I think other PPs have said this, but it is an age thing. At that stage, I just avoided shopping altogether unless DH could be with me. If I absolutely had to go alone, I brought toys, coloring books or whatever and tried to bribe DS to stay in the stroller or cart with that (and always had the sling ready in case he didn't want to stay in the stroller.) And then made sure that I was in and out as quickly as possible and then went somewhere where DS could run around.
 

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For me, I had to finally suck it up and be firm about actually leaving and taking her out of any situation that she's not up for dealing with appropriately at the moment. Stores, restaurants, etc. It had gotten to the point where I'd say a dozen times "you need to xyz or else we'll have to leave" and never actually doing it. :-/ If I know that I can't leave and things must get done (grocery shopping when there's zero food in the house, etc) then I'll say "we have to get this done, I really need your cooperation. If you can't sit still/walk with me then I will have to carry you and it will be much harder. Let's get done as fast as we can so we can leave." But I had to learn not to make empty "threats" about leaving.<br><br>
Also depending on your schedule, can you go on less busy times of the day? It's much less of a hazard for a toddler to explore a near empty grocery store.<br><br>
And maybe try to find shops with employees that value children. That lady at the chemists does not sound very nice! I would have been inclined to tell her that he's just curious, and he's not breaking anything, so lay off!
 

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Personally, for me, when I'm in a grocery store I become less than GD. I would never hit or really punish James, but he either holds mine or DH's hand or he rides in the cart and thats just the way life is. If we're in the mall he holds my hand or he gets put in the stroller. There is NO leeway on that.<br><br>
In stores there are too many people that don't see beyond their shopping list and could hurt him. He could trip up an old lady or knock over a display and get hurt. I do enforce the rules even if he throws a fit because I want to keep him, and everyone else in the store safe.<br><br>
I don't have time to leave my cart and come back later so if he cries about riding in the cart thats just tough.<br><br>
When he has the option of holding my hand (when I'm shopping with DH, obviously if I'm alone he has to ride in the cart no matter what) I explain to him that he's to hold my hand the whole trip and not let go or run off. If he runs off he will have to sit in the cart until we finish our shopping. And then I enforce it. If I'm shopping alone I say "I know you want to hold my hand, but I need to push the cart and I can't do it one handed so you need to ride in the cart. Daddy isn't with us today." sometimes he whines, but I think he's used to it by now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thank you for all of your replies.<br>
I really agree with mamaduck and its nice to hear.<br>
I guess this is why the issue is really 'getting to me'...because I find in these situations I am not doing so well with GD and feeling like, in the stores only - I am going away from GD...which doesnt feel right to me. Like I have one set of rules for the rest of the world, but not here because its all a bit much and stressful for me at the moment! lol...<br>
Having a little bag with snacks and things for him to do in it - sounds like a fab idea! I will give that a go...I think im about to convert and old purse for him this evening as we are going shopping on Monday!....:| lol....Give anything a try at this point.<br>
Up to this point, GD in stores has always worked really well. I have always let him touch things and he has always been really good about putting them back exactly the way they were etc. But now he seems to be taking the inch I gave him and turning it into a mile (of course, thats what 2 year olds do...test their boundaries! hehe). Which is what is stressing me and probably not helping the situations and certainly not letting me think and put GD into practice to try and make the situation work better. I seem to be turning into that mother just following my child around with my attention just on them and not getting any shopping done myself. I think we just really need to work on what is acceptable and what is not. I know this will take time! hehe<br>
In the grand scheme of things though...I dont think I am doing too bad ! lol...
 

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The children's museum here has an area exactly like this! All the food you've ever seen in a real grocery store, all plastic, of course. Plus child-sized carts and baskets, those awesome scales that hang down from the ceiling, realistic-looking checkout counters with cash registers. It's the most popular area in the entire museum.<br><br>
Behind the grocery store area, there's a section that's meant to teach where the food comes from before it's in the grocery store, and it has among other things a wonderful cow that you can "milk" and it'll moo for you.<br><br>
That's weird! You're in Miami, right? I'm in Houston and our children's museum has the EXACT same thing! It is fun.
 
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