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Should a 1 year old understand "no"?
DD just turned 1 and a friend made an interesting comment to me - "she would be the perfect baby if you didn't have to rock her to sleep....oh, and you have to teach her no!"
I have no intention of giving up rocking her to sleep and thus far I haven't expected her to comprehend me telling her no - am I being too lenient? If I say no, she shakes her head, it's fun for her. Usually we say, for example, "gentle", "no hitting" and with her hand touch us gently or "don't touch" and remove her from whatever she's getting into. We've tried to make her space very baby friendly to minimize the amount of conflict we have to have with her. This friend (who has 2 kids of her own) thinks I should be able to say "no" and she should stop what she's doing.
I will admit that we are struggling with her continually touching the things she shouldn't and hitting and biting us. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? I would love to hear what you think!!
I have no intention of giving up rocking her to sleep and thus far I haven't expected her to comprehend me telling her no - am I being too lenient? If I say no, she shakes her head, it's fun for her. Usually we say, for example, "gentle", "no hitting" and with her hand touch us gently or "don't touch" and remove her from whatever she's getting into. We've tried to make her space very baby friendly to minimize the amount of conflict we have to have with her. This friend (who has 2 kids of her own) thinks I should be able to say "no" and she should stop what she's doing.
I will admit that we are struggling with her continually touching the things she shouldn't and hitting and biting us. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? I would love to hear what you think!!
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i *think* in the discipline book by sears it says something like kids get the concept of no around 2. (this was in refernce to the road and being aware that they can't go in the road).
It sounds like you get it just fine!
My dd stops for either "stop!" or "danger!" two very helpful words, IMO. It is VERY helpful to have a catchphrase for 'freeze in your tracks because I don't have time to explain first'. We follow the stop or danger with an explanation of why not. As in "danger!" (moving closer to child reaching for sharp knife) "knives are for moms and dads. they are sharp, erin shouldn't touch knives."
It sounds like you get it just fine!
My dd stops for either "stop!" or "danger!" two very helpful words, IMO. It is VERY helpful to have a catchphrase for 'freeze in your tracks because I don't have time to explain first'. We follow the stop or danger with an explanation of why not. As in "danger!" (moving closer to child reaching for sharp knife) "knives are for moms and dads. they are sharp, erin shouldn't touch knives."
I think "no" is a waste of time at that young age. just put away the stuff she shouldn't be touching--save the no's for when they have more of an understanding. I think someone "teaching no" to one so young would have to accompany it with something aversive. She will have enough time to learn "no" closer to 2 or so--keep up the removal and distraction (so much nicer than 1,000 no's anyway)
I don't know about 1 year what they understand, but mine are 17 months and understand a lot. For example, I'll say do you want to go outside and they run to the door. If we're in the living room I can tell them to get a book and they do.
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They continually surprise me with what they understand.
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My kids have understood by the time they were 6 months to a year that no means stop. By about a year they were old enough to be decided defiant
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My second was earlier but she is freaky smart with some things so she doesn't really count.
So yeah, I think if you had been using it from the beginning she would get it but I also don't think it is terrible that she doesn't. I guess it all depends on what your tolerance level is and what your expectations are. whatyour goals are. but they can understand and comply with NO even if they have never been spanked or whatever. It is rally a simple concept. not all conditioning is forceful and mean. i start day one saying stuff like "no" and removing them from the breast when they latch on wrong or bite. I don't say it mean of scream it and they surely don't understand. but eventually with consistance they get it.
So yeah, I think if you had been using it from the beginning she would get it but I also don't think it is terrible that she doesn't. I guess it all depends on what your tolerance level is and what your expectations are. whatyour goals are. but they can understand and comply with NO even if they have never been spanked or whatever. It is rally a simple concept. not all conditioning is forceful and mean. i start day one saying stuff like "no" and removing them from the breast when they latch on wrong or bite. I don't say it mean of scream it and they surely don't understand. but eventually with consistance they get it.
a 1 year old can't understand the concept "no."
redirection is the only thing that will even start to work at that age.
redirection is the only thing that will even start to work at that age.
Hm. My one-year-old knows that bye-bye means car.
That shoes mean bye-bye.
That the sign for milk means she will get milk.
Along with about 30 other words she signs or says.
When I say no, and I don't say it often, she fully understands what it means. It doesn't mean she won't try getting it (or whatever she was doing), but she gets it. I'll redirect if it necessary, but she sure knows what it means.
How will a 2-year-old ever know "no" if they don't have experience with it?
I don't think "no" is a bad thing--it's a fact of life. Along with redirection and GD, it is just par for the course in parenting.
Jesse
That shoes mean bye-bye.
That the sign for milk means she will get milk.
Along with about 30 other words she signs or says.
When I say no, and I don't say it often, she fully understands what it means. It doesn't mean she won't try getting it (or whatever she was doing), but she gets it. I'll redirect if it necessary, but she sure knows what it means.
How will a 2-year-old ever know "no" if they don't have experience with it?
I don't think "no" is a bad thing--it's a fact of life. Along with redirection and GD, it is just par for the course in parenting.
Jesse
I don't think a one year old has a total understanding of NO however I also agree they wont learn unless practiced. So if my DD does something I disaprove of I tell her no and redierct her behavior to something more appropiate. Shes 19 months now and her concept of no is much better than it was at a year.
Deanna
Deanna
my almost one year old knows "No" and has for a while...we do not use it however except for dangerous situations...like the fireplace...she will crawl up to it, look at it, shake her head "no" and go on to something else...it's hilarious how she kinda thinks about it for a sec, then thinks better of it.
When her Grandma was here we told her she understood "no" so of course she said "no" to everything and every time she said it Sophia would cry...I finally told her "please stop saying no to her~we are very please that she understands it but we don't want her to become used to it...we only use it for danger" the woman would say "no" to things that were normally ok for the poor babe...
Redirect her...when my baby bites, I say "don't biting mama" and redirect her..she understands...I really try to teach...it's amazing what they can understand at this age...many underestimate them.
Sophia waves bye bye when someone leaves, blows kisses when someone leaves, signs milk for milk, signs all gone when something is empty, shakes head no no when she doesn't want something...she communicates in so many ways.
I am sure your baby is just perfect...just keep your eyes open for clues to her understanding level and teach from there!
When her Grandma was here we told her she understood "no" so of course she said "no" to everything and every time she said it Sophia would cry...I finally told her "please stop saying no to her~we are very please that she understands it but we don't want her to become used to it...we only use it for danger" the woman would say "no" to things that were normally ok for the poor babe...
Redirect her...when my baby bites, I say "don't biting mama" and redirect her..she understands...I really try to teach...it's amazing what they can understand at this age...many underestimate them.
Sophia waves bye bye when someone leaves, blows kisses when someone leaves, signs milk for milk, signs all gone when something is empty, shakes head no no when she doesn't want something...she communicates in so many ways.
I am sure your baby is just perfect...just keep your eyes open for clues to her understanding level and teach from there!
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I respectfully disagree...my daughter understood this concept very young--7-8 mos however, she has no impulse control at that age but she would crawl up to something I had previously said "no" to and look at it, shake her head "no" and go on to something else...
Her Grandma was here in April so she was 9 mos old and she said "no" to a picture frame on the end table(that I let her play with) and she still goes up to the picture and shakes her head "no" and then leaves it.
She gets it...
Originally Posted by klothos a 1 year old can't understand the concept "no." redirection is the only thing that will even start to work at that age. |
I respectfully disagree...my daughter understood this concept very young--7-8 mos however, she has no impulse control at that age but she would crawl up to something I had previously said "no" to and look at it, shake her head "no" and go on to something else...
Her Grandma was here in April so she was 9 mos old and she said "no" to a picture frame on the end table(that I let her play with) and she still goes up to the picture and shakes her head "no" and then leaves it.
She gets it...
To be honest...I have absolutely no idea...I think it's just in her personality...I have 3 children...my first one had early impulse control, my second one is 10 and still struggles with impulse control...Sophia knows "no", has impulse control at times but sometimes not...she does touch the picture frame at times...other times she checks herself...but she stops herself enough that I know she understands it...
I don't want it to seem that she has impulse control at not even 1 but just that I have seen evidence that she understands the concept of "no" from her behaviour towards a "no" object...
cheers
I don't want it to seem that she has impulse control at not even 1 but just that I have seen evidence that she understands the concept of "no" from her behaviour towards a "no" object...
cheers
Forget understanding it- it just shouldn't be used with a child that young. The more you use it, the more it will become part of her vocabulary as she begins to speak. Instead of saying no say things like "hitting hurts" - tell about the affect of her actions and redirect. I think our society is all too negative with our kids - (not you specifically, just society as a whole). Find ways to say yes instead.
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I agree...I rarely use "No" and save it for safety issues...the fact that she understands it is a useful tool but we do not use it as a daily deterent to undesirable behaviour...it really ticked me off that Grandma was using it for everything and I had to ask her to stop finally...Sophia would cry because she wasn't allowed to do anything...she never redirected, just firmly said "no" everywhere Sophia went and I think it scared her and frustrated her...she never really liked Grandma much...now Poppy was a whole other thing...he let her do what she wanted as long as it was safe and supervised...she liked Poppy much better!
Funny how they both raised my DH, neither studied GD but Poppy naturally did it that way and Grandma didn't...
Originally Posted by zealsmom Forget understanding it- it just shouldn't be used with a child that young. The more you use it, the more it will become part of her vocabulary as she begins to speak. Instead of saying no say things like "hitting hurts" - tell about the affect of her actions and redirect. I think our society is all too negative with our kids - (not you specifically, just society as a whole). Find ways to say yes instead. |
I agree...I rarely use "No" and save it for safety issues...the fact that she understands it is a useful tool but we do not use it as a daily deterent to undesirable behaviour...it really ticked me off that Grandma was using it for everything and I had to ask her to stop finally...Sophia would cry because she wasn't allowed to do anything...she never redirected, just firmly said "no" everywhere Sophia went and I think it scared her and frustrated her...she never really liked Grandma much...now Poppy was a whole other thing...he let her do what she wanted as long as it was safe and supervised...she liked Poppy much better!
Funny how they both raised my DH, neither studied GD but Poppy naturally did it that way and Grandma didn't...
My 13 month old knows the word NO, she even tries to tell me no... I think she may have picked it up because we tell the dog no
Sounds like we have a bit of a split camp here....
I guess that I know that I can teach her what "no" means but I really don't want to overuse it so I am consistently trying to think of other ways of setting boundaries with her. And perhaps my question was more along the lines of what do we really expect when we tell a 1 year old "no"? Of course dd comunicates with me in many wonderful ways but it is very difficult for her to not do something that she wants to do. At times when I tell her not to get in the dogs water dish she "listens" and leaves it alone, at other times I have to intervene. So if our 1 year olds understand what no means, how consistently do we expect them to comply at this point? Do you feel comfortable redirecting as well or do you expect that when you say no baby should obey without any further assistance?
I guess that I know that I can teach her what "no" means but I really don't want to overuse it so I am consistently trying to think of other ways of setting boundaries with her. And perhaps my question was more along the lines of what do we really expect when we tell a 1 year old "no"? Of course dd comunicates with me in many wonderful ways but it is very difficult for her to not do something that she wants to do. At times when I tell her not to get in the dogs water dish she "listens" and leaves it alone, at other times I have to intervene. So if our 1 year olds understand what no means, how consistently do we expect them to comply at this point? Do you feel comfortable redirecting as well or do you expect that when you say no baby should obey without any further assistance?
personally I don't expect her to comply at all...at this age I only hope she will stop(in fact the word stop could be used here instead but a word is a word is a word)long enough for me to get to her before she hurts herself...if she understands it enough to even do that, fine by me...but I don't trust that she has control over her impulses at this age...depending on the child, this may take many many years...I feel right now only redirection works to keep baby and things safe
I don't think a one year old has even vaguely the impulse control to respond to no, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be using the word to teach, gradually, what it means. You can't expect her to respond to it magically at age three if she's never heard it before. But, as said above, if you overuse it, it will lose meaning and impact; Furthermore, just saying no without qualifying it doesn't teach what actions are undesirable or desirable. Just plain "No" doesn't mean much, and teaches her to yell "No" when she doesn't like or want something. "No, we don't pull the cat's tail, let's touch the cat gently" gives her a far more complete message.
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