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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel like I am getting PPD - over a year after I had the babe!<br>
I am struggling so much to be a good mom but the more I read the more unattainable it seems to be!<br>
Right now I am reading 'Easy to love, tough to discipline' and it all seems so beyond of what I am capable of. I just want to crawl into a hole. It's just too much. On top of that DS is a super cute, super smart little boy. And there he is stuck with me. I could just cry. I feel like such a failure.<br>
I should have just gotten a potted plant instead.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Would it help to put the books down and trust your instincts? I've driven myself to distraction by reading about all I should do, and have come to the realization that the books can help with some suggestions, but shouldn't have anything to do with making you feel like you're a bad parent.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I think we all feel that way sometimes. I agree about putting aside the books for a bit. I try to remind myself to focus on what feels right at the moment and not worrying too much about the future. Easier said than done, I know!<br>
Also, do you get some time for yourself? That helps me immensely....just to regroup and put things in perspective.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
That is so hard, and depression makes it so difficult to believe you are really doing a good job as a mom. I was depressed a little after my kids were born - I remember crying when my son was about three weeks old...we were trying so hard to nurse (he had a difficult latch, and we used a nipple shield for a month), and he just looked so sad and pitiful when we cried together at every feeding for a few weeks. I felt like "Man, even he is disappointed in me as a mom!" And every so often, I still look at my kids and think that everyone else must be doing such a good job with their kids, and here I am, the lamest mother in the world...<br><br>
I wish you could come over for coffee. Do you have anyone nearby to support you, and are you getting any time for yourself? That can make all the difference, I am finding.<br><br>
I hope it gets better, mama. Thinking of you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I do get time to myself when he naps. But when he misses a nap that's when we really both start to fall apart a bit. I do okay for the most part but when things get stressful I fall short of living up to my expectations.<br>
I only started reading/ordering the books when I wasn't sure about how to handle a few new things that have popped up. But reading them just makes me feel like I am standing in front of a huge mountain when before we would just wander along taking one step at a time.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Would it help to put the books down and trust your instincts? I've driven myself to distraction by reading about all I should do, and have come to the realization that the books can help with some suggestions, but shouldn't have anything to do with making you feel like you're a bad parent.</div>
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I totally agree with this post. When I get overwhelmed reading too much about any topic, especially baby-related, I know it's time to put the book down or walk away from the computer and give myself a break from all the pressure I feel to "do everything right." I say give yourself a lot of time off from the books and listen to your gut. You'll know what's right. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KBinSATX</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9046597"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I do get time to myself when he naps. But when he misses a nap that's when we really both start to fall apart a bit. I do okay for the most part but when things get stressful I fall short of living up to my expectations.</div>
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I <i>totally</i> get where you're coming from on this one. You come to rely on that naptime, huh? And then it doesn't happen now and then, and it is disproportionately stressful. DD skipped her afternoon nap last Sunday (I WOHM the rest of the week, and so I try to get all my chores done while she's napping), and I just about had to go hand her to the neighbor for 15 minutes because I was getting way more stressed out about it than I should have. One of the mamas here at MDC wisely advised me to throw out my expectations when it comes to making plans while the LOs are napping. That's very hard advice to implement, but it is true. Putting so much stock in what you can get done, the relaxing you could do, whatever means that you'll overreact when the nap doesn't happen. Like I say, I could be the poster child for that one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks!<br><br>
I have put that book away and am feeling so much better. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
I guess I can do a fairly decent job of raising a baby even before changing everything about myself!
 

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The best advice my mom gave me is when the baby naps, you nap. My son is now 2.5 yo and i still nap when he does (luckily he is still taking them).<br><br>
Chores can always be done at another time. Your mental health and well-being is far more important. Take care of yourself first mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KBinSATX</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9043981"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">On top of that DS is a super cute, super smart little boy. And there he is stuck with me. I could just cry. I feel like such a failure.<br>
I should have just gotten a potted plant instead.</div>
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I think this exact thought sooo many times. You are not alone.
 

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I had some emotional issues starting (I think) when dd was maybe 9 mos. I call it ppd, I don't know what may or may not have been the diagnosis. I couldn't afford the time or money for therapy and I'd been kicked off Medicaid a couple months after dd was born, so I splurged on some Bach Flower Essences and that was one of the best things I ever did. Crab apple is good for helping you accept your imperfections. I also took Cherry plum for fear of losing control of emotions. A couple weeks later I looked back and thought, wow, I was really over the edge, much worse than I had been aware of.<br><br>
Now dd is almost 3 and rarely naps, but I am able to take it in stride! (well, sometimes . . . )
 

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I've been thinking along these lines a lot lately. Amazingly enough, what helped me was seeing my family and my in-laws. Watching my daughter interact with adults and do a great job of it made me think that we're doing *something* right.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I'm sorry you're going through this. All I can do is assure you that you're not alone.
 
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