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Should I ALWAYS encourage my LO for doing things well by praises?
I mean even with the tiny things that she is able to do already (for example, saying bye bye when people leave) because I want her to repeat doing those good things.

I ask because I am afraid that if I take advantage of praises too much, she will always wait for being praised whenever she does something, then she will not become independent and determined.
What do you think?
 

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I think if it's something that she frequently forgets to do, but that time remembers on her own, then praise is warrented. If it's something she does everytime, then I would liken it to praising her for breathing. Yeah it's a good thing she does it, but it's not really a huge accomplishment either.
 

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What the PP said. There could be adverse effects by praising too much (they will expect it, and nto do what they should be doing anyway without it, etc...)

She will know you are proud just by the expression on your face and the hugs you give her throughout the day!
 

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You might check out Alfie Kohn:

http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

"I cherish the occasions when my daughter manages to do something for the first time, or does something better than she's ever done it before. But I try to resist the knee-jerk tendency to say, "Good job!" because I don't want to dilute her joy. I want her to share her pleasure with me, not look to me for a verdict. I want her to exclaim, "I did it!" (which she often does) instead of asking me uncertainly, "Was that good?"

He has a dvd, Unconditional Parenting, which is great, and several books. He talks about how praise can undermine a child's ability to find things intrinsically fun, and instead can encourage them to become dependent on others for validation (extrinsic motivation vs. intrinsic).
 

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Two reasons not to:

1. The info from Kohn that someone else posted.

2. Behaviorism suggests that intermittent rewards are more effective than consistent rewards. (That's why gambling is so addictive - gamblers are rewarded just enough to keep things interesting.)

So, regardless of which side of the praise fence you're on, praising every little thing is not a good idea.
 

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I wouldn't use the word "praise". I would use the word "notice."

"Oh, you remembered to wash your hands before dinner, didn't you?"

"Oh, you are choosing to share with your brother."

With an objective, but pleasant inflection in your voice. This lets them know their actions are noticed... not judged. I don't want it to be my voice ringing in their ears every time they do something wrong or right- I want it to be their own conscience guiding them.

My mother made a lot of judgements on my actions, and to this day I have trouble deciding whether or not I feel something is wrong or right *for me* because I learned to see things through her grid instead of developing my own. It is hard for me to do things she wouldn't approve of, even if it becomes obvious it is right for me or our family (i.e., my husband took the kids on vacation for a few days since I am pregnant and nauseous and can't handle the long drive; she worries he can't handle it or the kids will be traumatized without me; she calls me every day and asks if I've heard from them- now I am doubting myself and imagining worst case scenarios even though when they left I felt great and every time they call they are happy and having fun...)... If she had just said "Wow, that would have been hard for me to do when you were young, but you seem to feel fine with it"... what a breath of fresh air that would have been!
 

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I definitely try to avoid over-praising and go more for noticing and commenting if it's something he seems proud of. "you brought me your shoes so we can go bye-bye, thank you for helping me out" that kind of thing.
I try my very best to avoid non-explanatory "good jobs" or "good boys" But I also try not to use judging words like good or bad in relation to his behavior.
 

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I use observations, like "oh, I see you remembered to put away your coat", sometimes added by something like "that makes things a lot easier for mommy, thank you". I try to not praise at all, as such. It is funny to see how much the expression "good job" has crept in to all areas of life. I was amazed to watch a hospital birth video on youtube a while back, and the husband said "good job" to his birthing wife
:. Personally, I'd be really insulted!
 

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I read once that by praising for "good" things, you are basically letting your dc know that those good things are unexpected, that you are in a way surprised that they behaved in that positive manner. If I say anything about a socially "good" thing that ds does, it's to simply describe what he's doing, and maybe talk about how the other person feels. Often, I say nothing, because he gets feedback from the other person, without any words at all.

Here's an article with a paragraph that explains better than I can:
http://bilingualbaby.wordpress.com/2...-vs-less-talk/

Quote:

Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
I use observations, like "oh, I see you remembered to put away your coat", sometimes added by something like "that makes things a lot easier for mommy, thank you".
:

I like to give information about how ds's actions affect other people ("Lily is happy that you shared the ball with her!") or how he makes his life easier ("Now that the toys are cleaned up, you can find what you want more easily"). Imo, this gives real information for the long run. I also say stuff like "It's
If its something that he accomplishes, like climbing up on the couch when he was little, I just say "Yay! You got up on the couch!!" I let him know that I notice and I'm excited for him, but I let the "praise" come from within him, if that makes sense.

This article talks more about descriptive praise
Praise That Builds a Child's Self-Esteem
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
I use observations, like "oh, I see you remembered to put away your coat", sometimes added by something like "that makes things a lot easier for mommy, thank you". I try to not praise at all, as such. It is funny to see how much the expression "good job" has crept in to all areas of life. I was amazed to watch a hospital birth video on youtube a while back, and the husband said "good job" to his birthing wife
:. Personally, I'd be really insulted!
I feel like such an idiot when someone tells me "good job".
I use the same words as you in exceptional circumstances... when she does something unusual. "Thank you" when she has been resisting but finally does something. But that for me is natural... and not always sugary-sweet sounding. Sometimes it comes out kind of frustrated, like "finally!"

I do not think that praise is always necessary and it often sounds forced.
 

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Quote:
My mother made a lot of judgements on my actions, and to this day I have trouble deciding whether or not I feel something is wrong or right *for me* because I learned to see things through her grid instead of developing my own. It is hard for me to do things she wouldn't approve of, even if it becomes obvious it is right for me or our family (i.e., my husband took the kids on vacation for a few days since I am pregnant and nauseous and can't handle the long drive; she worries he can't handle it or the kids will be traumatized without me; she calls me every day and asks if I've heard from them- now I am doubting myself and imagining worst case scenarios even though when they left I felt great and every time they call they are happy and having fun...)... If she had just said "Wow, that would have been hard for me to do when you were young, but you seem to feel fine with it"... what a breath of fresh air that would have been!
i totally relate to this! I think it's why other peoples' judgements on me affect me so much! even though I know I'm doing what is right for my family a lot of the time, i guess subconciously I'm still seeking approval from others?
 
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