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Hello ** Sorry long, meds history***<br><br>
I will try to make this short <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">. Let's see, I think I have always suffered from anxiety - - but October of 2006 I hit rock bottom. Found myself in a depression and first OCD attack and intrusive thoughts. I went to therapy, diagnosed with OCD, probably GAD before that and Depression.<br><br>
I have now tried:<br>
Zoloft: 50 mg (this was my first SSRI, my primary did not wein me on a high dosage,I had severe anxiety, depersonalization and insomnia with suicidal idealation for the first 3-4 weeks). I tried for 4 months, felt FLAT and helped a little with OCD. Tried to increase, anxiety side effects were too intense.<br><br>
Celexa: 30 mg, same start up effects, increased anxiety but didn't feel as flat. Tried for 4 months, was sooooo tired, couldn't tell the difference if I was depressed still or just tired.<br><br>
At this point, added Wellbutrin. The initial anxiety I stuck through, and stayed on 75mg. First time I felt partial relief for my depression.<br><br>
Lexapro: 20 mg, still always tired - - to the point where all I thought about was the next time I was going to lay down. Slept in car on my lunch etc. Stopped and stayed on WellB.<br><br>
My anxiety was still high when I stopped Lex, but Depression was being partially treated. But, I knew I still wasn't 'well'. It's hard to explain, I'm sure you guys understand. It's like a rollercoaster, anxiety and high irritability, some days OCD high, then depressed.<br><br>
SOOO I tried Prozac for a month: OMG !!! It was so awful for me. I was plagued with suicidal idealation - - I felt soooooooooo depressed. I could feel it in my body, the change. It was scarrry. So, I discontinued and it took a few weeks to get out of it.<br><br>
So, I increased my WELL B to 150. I'm not sure if I have always, but I'm starting to journal, and realize that some days I am filled with irritability. I can just feel it in my veins, no matter the brightness of the day - - no matter if there are stressors or not, I just feel bitchy. I have been feeling that way a lot more lately - - sometimes even during the same day. In the morning I'll be ok - - but then it will take over. Since I recognize it, I try very hard and don't lash out in anger - but there are times where someone talks to me and my skin crawls, because Im so annoyed. Then there are still days I'm so depressed.<br><br>
SOOOOOO - - if you guys are still in this post with me. My problem is my psych has retired this month. We have tried 4 antidepressants, Klonopin helps , I only take about twice a month if I'm freaking out. I haven't had any 'noticeable' hypomania symptoms.But, I know the SSRI's aren't working, The wellB is not fully treating the depression, and hardly treating the anxiety as I feel it daily.Since october 2006 i have not fully recovered.<br><br>
1) Should I ask to try a mood stabilizing drug, Lamitical for example?<br>
2) Should I keep going the rounds with SSRI's? Tricylic etc?<br>
3) Is it all in my head , why can't I just move past this ?<br><br>
My husband wants to have a baby in about a year. Right now I feel like my brain and emotions are all over the place, and like I have no control. I've been in therapy for a year, I'm sure it's helped. But, I just want to be happy and well adjusted - - not perfect. But, these moods, and depressive symptoms are awful . . . I find myself wondering if we'll ever be able to have another one. Which is painful. I kind of feel like I've lost myself .....Anyhow, thank you for listening. I can't get into a new Psych for 30 days, but would like to see my primary because I dont' want to wait another month to try something that may help. I just wonder what I should ask for, what my next step should be ?
 

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It definitely sounds like you have Bipolar II - multiple failed antidepressants, first degree relative with BP I, and other diagnostic indicators.<br><br>
Instead of offering *my* advice, I'm going to direct you over to <a href="http://www.psycheducation.org" target="_blank">www.psycheducation.org</a> (I'm sure you've seen it already, right?).<br><br>
Check out "soft bipolarity," "mood stabilizer list," and "how to talk with doctors about your ideas." Reading these sections should arm you with all the things you need to get things started with the primary care doc, who may be uncomfortable with the Lamictal (which would probably be a good choice for you).<br><br>
Hang in there - it is most definitely *not* all in your head! Let us know how you're doing!
 
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