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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A little background--
My brother and his girlfriend are having a baby in Aug. I am not sure how long my brother is going to stick around afterward, he has been a real A$$ about the pregnancy, his girlfriend, ect. (No, I don't know why she stays with him or got pregnant
(again, didn't carry the first to term)).

But anyway, before too long my nephew is going to enter this world and I would do anything for him. She has been mostly convinced of NFL ideas, is having the baby at a birth center, not planning on circumsizing, has cloth diapers, will breastfeed, and co-sleep. She has asked me to be at the labor, and I think I could be a real help. She has pretty serious issues with her mom and sister who are also both coming to the birth (and since she lives with them I don't imagine they will not know when it happens). Her mom has terrible birth stories and only talks about how painful it is, her sister has no babies. I really think I could be a big help at keeping her calm and difusing some of the negative energy that will be bouncing around her family and my brother (if he shows up).

: So, the real problem is she smokes, not only cigarrettes, but also pot. I don't approve, I mean my family of origin does lots of drugs, if you want to be around them you have to expect it. But I never have and I really don't think that my nephew wants to, and it really bothers me to see her doing it. And because of it I really don't want to go to his birth, but the thought that I might make some things easier for him and her and because I have always wanted to go to someone else's birth.

What should I do? Tell me what you think, please
 

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I think you should go in spite of the offensiveness of the smoking. It is worth overlooking to be a part of a miracle and to be a support. I don't know what to tell you as far as how to cope with it though - have you talked to her about it at all?
 

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I think you should go. She sounds like a strong person to be going against the grain with many of her parenting decisions. She will be grateful for your support.
 

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IA with the pp. It sounds like she could use some positive support. Maybe with your support she will become interested in quitting her smoking habits.
 

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i would go, as long as you can be supportive of her and not judgemental. i know its hard to watch someone risking their baby's health, but theres nothing you can do about it. birth is awesome, you should go!
 

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She asked you, you should go. I'll bet it's really important to her.

It also sounds as though you really like her, despite your disagreement with some KEY decisions.

It will cement your relationship with your nephew and his mother, whether your brother stays or goes.

I agree with the pps, cigarettes are WAY worse than pot. I wouldn't do either while pregnant. Even so, lots of babies of smokers are fine. I am one.

I wish your nephew a beautiful birth, and hope all is well with him.

Bottom line: I think if you don't go, you will regret it.

Steph
 

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She needs your support. With living with relatives like that she will quickly faulter (most likely).
Think of yourself as being there for your nephew not her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I went with her to her first appointment. She told the midwife that she does both of those. The midwife was concerned that she stopped both. They worked out a plan for stopping cigs, 7 a day for a week then 6 a day for a week, ect. With out being around her all day I would guess she probably smokes about 4-7 cigs a day now and has most of the pregnancy.

On the other hand the midwife was very adamant about stopping pot. She says it is linked to childhood lukeimia and that sometimes babies addicted to pot have seizures when they are born. She also said that they might instate UA's if she keeps it up. I haven't been back to the midwife with her, but I would guess that the midwife thinks she has at least stopped smoking pot.

I guess that is the problem here. I don't feel like she is taking care of herself. She has been to the ER three times this pregnancy (and numerous other times in her life, and she is only 19). For things that it seems to me she should have been paying attention to and fixing before they got so serious. I mean once was for a yeast infection that her midwifes weren't aware of and she hadn't been treating. But it got so bad that all she could do is lay on her bed with no pants and cry. It seems to me that she probably had days if not more then a week to get this fixed. Tuesday when she went to the hospital it was because she was thowing up sick and in serious pain and getting dehyrated. Which I understand can come on very quickly, but me and my sick kids were there fri and sat and it seems to me that she should have been extra sensitive to symptoms like ours and started drinking more water, getting extra vit. c, ect.

I also feel like Nicotine is not more dangerous to a deveping fetus then THC, maybe the second hand smoke afterward (and I am sure he will get plenty of both, I remember when I was a kid--did I mention she lives with my dad too
), but not during pregnancy.

I guess I feel like I might have a hard time not being judgemental if I go

Quote:
Think of yourself as being there for your nephew not her.
This would probably help.
 
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