[sweetpea333]

im so stupid and selfish!!

today when my 9 month old wanted to wake up in the morning i was soooooo tired that i practically forced her to go back to sleep by forceful cuddleing she wasnt crying but she was trying to get up, i really hate myself for doing this, ive done it 3 or 4 times before!! it's almost like im not thinking straight because i just woke up... i didnt feel angry at her just tired like i couldnt move.

i dont even care if i get flamed cuz i deserve it, i have no reason to stick up for myself, i dont know how to make up to my dd for doing this... then yesterday my 2 year old grabbed my dd 9 months face and was scratching at her eyes and i pushed my 2 year old over on the couch, not hard just enough to make her move.... what should i do?? my poor kids!! im a monster!!!

 

[shelbean91]

You're being awful hard on yourself for being human! It sounds like you need a break- either a nap, a long bath, some sort of relaxation. Hindsight is 20/20 but we all do the best we can in the moment.

Hang in there.

 

[rainbowmoon]

you aren't selfish or stupid.

 

[sweetpea333]

thanks mamas im starting to feel better, i really felt panicked when i wrote that, very anxious.

 

[sweetangelbrynlie]

awww.. your not a monster. your a mother who was very very tired! ive been that way many times. my 12 month old wakes me up many many times at night, i get so tired i can barely hold my eyes open and have been known to plead to her "please let mommy sleep, please please" even though i know it won't work, im just that tired that im begging to my toddler!

 

[phathui5]

Pushing your 2 year old away when she was scratching the baby is a pretty normal reaction. I'm not recommending it as a discipline method, but it was your instinctive reaction to the baby being hurt.

 

[Roar]

Is there any way you could get more support or more of a break. I can tell you want to do better but you sound fried. There are limits to what people can do when they aren't getting enough sleep especially.

 

[heartmama]

Oh please give yourself a break here! There is no way anyone survives attachment parenting without those moments. I think I speak for the entire board when I say "been there, done that!".

It's going to be okay.

 

[Terabith]

Really, I don't see anything wrong with cuddling your child back to sleep, even if they were awake. Them being awake doesn't invalidate your need to sleep, and if they went back to sleep, I doubt it hurt her and probably a more rested mommy did her loads more good. And pushing the 2 yr old, not a great discipline technique, but you weren't using it as discipline. It was how you were able to get the 2 yr old away from scratching baby. Give yourself a break!

I, on the other hand, have on several occasions turned on Little Bear or Dora for my 2 yr old and gone back to bed, not totally asleep, but definitely not totally awake either. CPS would have a field day with me.

 

[kristenburgess]

I think all of us mamas have days when we feel like CPS should be called on us...just like we all have days that the house is so messy CPS would be shocked if they walked in.

I know that when my older son does something to hurt my younger son I have a strong instinctual urge to protect the baby no matter what that means doing the the older one. And there have been times that I've pushed him out of the way or pulled him off the little one a bit too hard. But he's ok. When I start to get really frustrated and have a hard time reacting calmly, I know that I need a break.

Can you take a long bath or shower? Maybe have someone else watch your kiddos in your house so you can at least be peaceful in another room? I agree with the pp that when you are getting very frustrated or are exhausted it is ok to turn on a movie. Do you have somewhere safe you can put your baby to play while you rest? Is there a park or enclosed playspace nearby you can just let your 2yo run and play while you sit back and take a breather or read a book?

you are a good mama, it's just a challenging job!

 

[Tonia80]

I can totally relate hon. I am alone all day everyday with no car with 3 kids all 5 and under. I have days i feel liek a horrid mom for taking shortcuts, for losing patience, etc.... Plain and simple you are human!!!! It sounds liek you are feeling overwhelmed and expecting too much from yourself. would it have been better to ignore your baby and let her cry while you kept sleeping? (my nieghbor does that every morning to her baby, I can hear it through teh wall) Would it be better if you screamed at your toddelr? (again, I hear my nieghbor constantly screaming about "beating your @ss' to her 3 year old) Frankly, I think what you need to do is step back take a deep breath and ask yourself, do your kids know without a doubt they are loved? And BTW, the answer is YES cuz if you were not a loving mom you would not feel guilty in teh first place! Then relax and know we have ALL BTDT! I promise! Take it day to day and try to get a break if you can. Kids can be demanding and difficult and exhausting, I know!

 

[nancyw]

its the hardest job on the planet, and tiredness makes it SOOOOO much worse. be gentle and patient with yourself. you deserve it, mama. the depth of your concern shows just what a wonderful job you are doing.

 

[nznats]

I know how you feel, I am so exhausted at the moment that I turn the disney channel on for my daughter and go back to sleep or come and lie on the couch downstairs and doze.. she even gets her own brekkie

and my house dont get me started on that, I know many mums who think CYFS should be called on them when really all they need is a little more support and probably a fair bit more sleep.