[tracymom]

I, along with several other friends, got this email from a woman I know. Her daughter is 2, I think, and has always slept in a crib then her own bed.

They were camping and their daughter got up in the middle of the night and got in bed with them. At 5 a.m. the husband woke up and found her under 2 pillows, unmoving and "barely breathing." so they shook her and woke her up enough to breathe. She then says in the email to please not put your kids in bed with you, that it's "so dangerous" and that they found out the hard way.

Now, I personally think she's making way too much of a generalization here, BUT I don't know how to really reply or whether I should. Obviously she's shook up. She's also a mom who I have nothing in common with, very traditional, ff, on a schedule kind of mom. Our sons are good friends, though, and I've known her a long time and we've always kind of "live and let live" with each other, yk?

It would seem insensitive of me to "reply all" to the email and say, "well, that was so scary but my son did co-sleep for 3 years and we never had a problem" or "maybe she was just overtired and you guys weren't used to sleeping with her so that was the problem."

Should I just chalk it up, roll my eyes once, and move on? 'Cause I don't necessarily think I'm going to change anyone's mind here. It's just galling, though, in some way, that in her understandable distress she's communicating what I think is misinformation.

 

[Mama Poot]

I wouldn't reply. You have your own way of doing things with your family, and she has hers. I would just leave it at that. Don't read into it too much or think that she sent it just to upset you or try to get you to change your ways. It isn't worth stirring the pot, especially if she's a good friend.

 

[tracymom]

Oh, yeah, I know for sure it's not a personal thing at all. I doubt she even remembers if my son co-slept. I think she's just scared and trying to warn other people, and I can sympathize with that.

 

[bebetuck]

I think I agree with the previous post...especially if you don't think you're going to change her mind, you might want to just leave it. Now, if she asks you about the e-mail, then that's a good opportunity to tell her you never had any problems IMO.

It's hard to let people have their opinions, especially when it comes to mainstream parenting!

 

[SugarAndSun]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebetuck I think I agree with the previous post...especially if you don't think you're going to change her mind, you might want to just leave it. Now, if she asks you about the e-mail, then that's a good opportunity to tell her you never had any problems IMO. It's hard to let people have their opinions, especially when it comes to mainstream parenting!

ITA!

 

[Starlitlexy]

I'd leave it be. You already know you both parent on two different sides of the spectrum. Just brush it off as her being scared because of the accident.

 

[chiro_kristin]

how scary

:

what bothers me about not responding, although I agree with the PPs, is that the other people who received the same e-mail might be dissuaded from cosleeping with their babies.

How old is this Emma?

 

[onlyboys]

Reply to her and tell her that you know a mom (me) whose son would be dead if not for cosleeping. (Which is true)

Ivan had a seizure, in bed next to me, and stopped breathing. The ped was clear--had we not been there she thinks he would have been a SIDS case. The only reason we knew is because I was laying right next to him.

 

[tracymom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiro_kristin what bothers me about not responding, although I agree with the PPs, is that the other people who received the same e-mail might be dissuaded from cosleeping with their babies. How old is this Emma?

Yeah, other than that, I would have brushed it off w/o a second thought for sure.

I'm not sure if Emma's 3 yet or not, but if she's not, she's very close to it.

And onlyboys, that's a wonderful point. That's kind of what bothered me, as well: if the child hadn't gotten in the parents' bed, would she still have dug herself into her own bedcovers and gotten into the same bad situation? Road not taken....

Thanks everyone for the comments. I did not respond, but I might later down the road when she's had a chance to sort of get over the scare and bring up the idea that maybe it was a *good* thing the child was in bed with them and that it might not have been a cause-and-effect situation.

 

[GearGirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by onlyboys Reply to her and tell her that you know a mom (me) whose son would be dead if not for cosleeping. (Which is true) Ivan had a seizure, in bed next to me, and stopped breathing. The ped was clear--had we not been there she thinks he would have been a SIDS case. The only reason we knew is because I was laying right next to him.

This is exactly what I would do. I would REPLY ALL and say how very sorry I am to hear about what must have been a horrible experience for the, and that you are glad their daughter is OK. I would then say, I know as parents we all need to make decisions for ourselves, and that I choose to co-sleep for many reasons, but then mention the specific life saved of the mother above. How could families camp without co-sleeping? Shouldn't she be saying please do not camp? You might even add that it is safer to not have tons of blankets and pillows - wait that might be another good way to respond - "since I'm sure many of you still plan on camping or doing things that would require co-sleeping, here are some helpful tips...fewer pillows, etc., and co-sleeping is very safe and frequently practiced, blah, blah..."

 

[Pam_and_Abigail]

Maybe a 'reply all' with a statement about how good it was for Emma that she was in bed with her parents when she managed to get her toddler SELF buried in such a dangerous position.

whoops, I just read the pp - same idea

 

[krissi]

Just lurking and wanted to say I agree on the previous ideas. For every scare story about kids getting stuck under pillows in bed you're going to have instances where a child's life was saved by cosleeping. A few times in her early infancy, DD had congestion that got stuck in her throat and caused her to start flailing and silently gasping for air. Luckily she was sleeping next to me at night and this would startle me awake so that I could set her upright and help her clear her airways -- which once or twice required me to pat her back AND suction her nose vigorously. I shiver to think if she had been stuck in a crib in the other room.

 

[momtoNatalee]

May-be send a reply all w/ a link from Dr. Sears site w/ safe co-sleeping tips.

Say how sorry you are that happened and stuff then say how you know alot of families who co-sleep everynight at home and camping or other vacations. And for some it has saved lives.

 

[forthebest]

That is a pretty strange thing to happen and I can only think too many pillows and snuggling into them to keep warm probably and lost her bearings a bit due to not being in her familiar bed. I gave birth to my 2nd dd at 7 months gestation in a 2-person tent, we were living in the tent at the time till we had moved again and then built a bigger tent, like a yurt,sp? type of thing but we had to stay in the wee tent for a bit, I had bent one of the main poles a bit from hanging onto it during the birth! Myself, my partner, my eldest dd and my new baby all lived in the tent, I kept my arm round new babe all night,very uncomfortabe but neccessary to ensure her safety in such a small space, I never sleep much with a new babe as I am on automatic alert full time till I feel more secure,with 2nd dd I was on hyper-alert! I have co-slept with all my dc and lived in many very small spaces, 12ft caravans,tents,buses(well they are quite big I guess)for years and through winters. I am trying to get to the bottom of why there is such a spate of anti-cosleeping stuff going on as it definately is making people very afraid to co-sleep. To the op about whether to reply to the email, maybe you could say sorry you had this happen and to make sure when co-sleeping camping or otherwise that pillows etc could present problems or something. Thing is in cold weather I had every available pillow,cuddly toy, coats, blankets etc all round the edges of our tents and caravans as insulation for years. I used to spend ages doing this to make sure everything stayed in place during the night.