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My DH is leaving on Sunday and returning on Friday for a business trip that he *wants* to go on, but obviously he doesn't have to go. I'll be 38 weeks + 1 day on Sunday when he leaves and a week from my edd when he gets back. No signs of labor yet. However, last week at 36 weeks + 5 days I measured 35 and this week at 37 weeks + 4 days I measured 34, so the baby is down a little bit. Both times the baby has been LOA, which I read means the baby won't be so "late"??? Something about that position ripening up the cervix?<br><br>
Ack! I wish I could know for sure if we're going to give birth next week! LOL And he'll be 10 hours away and this labor will NOT last that long.. LOL Just wondering how I can know how close I am to my birthing time? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> He won't go if I ask him to stay but it quite important for him so I'm not sure! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

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I think you two are the only ones who can decide this one. Let's walk it through this way --<br><br>
1. Let's say he goes. Let's say you go into labor the first day he's gone. He's not there to be your Hypno support. He misses the birth, but is back in time to see the baby on it's 2nd day of life and cuts his trip short. How do you feel? How does he feel?<br><br>
2. Let's say he goes. You don't go into labor the first day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor the second day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor the third day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor the fourth day, but you're concerned you will. On the fifth day, you go into labor. He misses it. He's not there to be your Hypno support. He is there on the baby's second day of life and cuts his business trip a little short. How do you feel? How does he feel?<br><br>
3. Let's say he goes. You don't go into labor the first day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor the second day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor the third day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor the fourth day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor on the fifth day, but you're concerned you will. You don't go into labor on the sixth day, but you're concerned you will. He stays the whole 6 days for his trip. How do you feel? How does he feel?<br><br>
4. He doesn't go. You go into labor. He's there to see your child born. He's your Hypno support. He balances helping with your younger child and supporting you after the birth. How do you feel? How does he feel?<br><br>
5. He doesn't go. You don't go into labor until after that Friday. He misses the business trip. You don't worry one bit about him missing the birth. How do you feel? How does he feel?<br><br>
So which ones sound the best to you? It seems to me that you two have control only over whether he stays or goes. You have no say over when the baby comes. You have slight control over worrying if he'll miss the birth or who will help you with your son. Is the stress worth it? Which outcomes sounded the best 1-3 or 4-5?<br><br>
Edited for spelling as always...not that I promise to have caught everything.
 

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I don't know of any way that you can tell that you are close to your birthing time. Is this your first child? If you have other children at what week were they born & how long was the labor?<br><br>
I personally would say no. My DH just got into town from being gone for 4 days but I am only 33 weeks. He would never choose to be out of town any closer to my due date, it just isn't worth the risk. So I wold have him cancel the trip. Also, if he cancels the trip and you don't have the baby during that period of time you shouldn't feel bad. I am surprised that your DH would want to be that far away from you this close to your due date.<br><br>
Keri
 

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I think it's inappropriate for a dh to be gone overnight anytime during the last trimester! If I were 28 weeks and dh were gone, I could go into preterm labor and have to go to the hospital, maybe even have surgery, and dh would be nowhere?!<br><br>
I'm still mad at my dh for taking a two-week international trip when I was 10 weeks...and this was a trip he "had" to go on...there is no way I'd let him take an "optional" trip in the last trimester!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> But I'm just that way...
 

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I'll I can say is what we're doing. DH was supposed to go on a business trip to California (we're in Canada) the first week of October. I'm due on the 26th of October. He's staying home.<br><br>
I had said I wasn't sure about the trip but that if he missed the birth I would probably be mad at him for the rest of our lives. He just said "hmmmmm, I know." Next day he told his boss he would be staying close to home. I must say I'm happier with that decision!
 

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I don't think he should go, but it would be nice if he decided to stay without having to be asked. Personally, it's hard for me to understand how he could want to go! Have you told him that if he goes, you'll be worrying about going into labor the whole time he's gone? Maybe that would persuade him to rise to the occasion and stay on his own initiative. Another thing to consider is if you have back-up support in case you do go into labor while he's away. Do you have family/close friends nearby? Do you have a doula?
 

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I'm sort of in the same boat. DH is going to be in a wedding 6 hrs. away (my births average about 2 hrs.) when I am 38 wks. There's part of me that's angry because I don't think I should even have to say "I don't want you to go." I have said it and we've discussed how we'd both feel if he missed this birth - #3. He has always been my birthing support and helped catch both of our kids. I don't know. I don't really think I'll go into labor. I'm pretty much a 40 wk. gal but it's a gamble. You never can tell. I'm happy with my midwife and I will have family here with me since he's gone. I almost think it'll suck more for him if he misses the birth and he doesn't really get that. I have no advice. I'm just empathizing. We're taking our chances and I'm sure the discussion will come up again because I *always* have to let him know when something is bothering me.<br><br>
I don't think my body will let itself go into labor b/c my mom will be here with me and she would freak! LOL. She is so not good at births. She'll call 911, take the kids and run! Hopefully, my sister and niece will make it and enjoy the time with me. If they were here and helped catch the baby I would actually be thrilled. They'd fill dh's shoes nicely just because they are 2 people that I would really like to participate in my birthing and they'd be honored, too. My sister missed my last birth by 30 min. and she cried through her delight in the arrival of my dd so, I guess I'm actually fine with him leaving but think he should kiss my butt a little more because I'm not raising hell about it<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
If dh were my only support, I would not be so lighthearted. I would insist that he stay because he was my only birthing companion and advocate. This baby will only be born once.
 

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If I were you I would insist that he stay. Sparklin put things really well. What really matters? Say he doesn't go and you don't have the baby during that time. When you do have the baby do you think he will really care or even remember about that silly business trip? But say he goes and you do have the baby while he is gone. Will he ever be able to forget or forgive himself for missing the birth of his child? It isn't a risk I would be willing to take.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
My midwives talked to him about this and asked if he was okay missing the birth - he was. He says this trip (what he'll be doing/learning there) is once in a lifetime.. so is having your baby but... he's torn. To me it's a simple decision, but I guess I don't want to keep him if he'd rather be there, ya know?<br><br>
I bought some hypnobabies CDs so I wouldn't need a birth companion, and since we have two midwives, one can watch my son while I birth in the worst case scenario until my mom arrives.<br><br>
Sparklin, you are a very logical and rational woman aren't you? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Great thinking there!<br><br>
What I want is for HIM to decide to stay and take the gamble and not have it be MY decision. I'm a lil irritated that he thinks work could ever tie with having a baby. It doesn't matter because I'll refuse to give birth next week; my calendar is simply booked! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 
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