[staryla]

<p>OK ladies I need some perspective and ideas.  When DS was about 22 months old we stopped doing diapers all together.  At that time he was sleeping through the night (7:30pm - 6am) and waking up dry.  Now 5 months later I'm ambivalent about that decision.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>DS does OK sometimes, and he certainly knows what he is supposed to do and where.  Usually he just doesn't care and finds it more convenient to pee/poop in his pants.  The pooping is one of my DH's tension points.  DH can get SO ANGRY about having to clean up poop.  Since he's the stay-at-home-parent there's no getting around it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It seems like DS was doing much better a few months ago, but now its at the point that I wish we had never tried to potty-train so early.  Some days recently he's only peed in the potty once all day and we've gone through 8 changes of clothes in a single trip to grandma's!  For a while we were able to remind DS to go to the potty, and as long as we remembered to have him sit every hour or two we might be able to get through a day.  Now if we even mention the word 'potty' DS screams NO NO NO and goes to find something else to do.  As a result we've given up on forcing him to sit, we still ask him and if he does, great (but he usually doesn't).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So here's my real question:<br>
 </p>
<p>He's stopped staying dry all night long.  We've been waking up at least once a night to change a wet boy and wet sheets.  DS usually wakes up and lets us know he's wet, but I don't know how long he's been sleeping in pee.  We can change his sheets/clothes during the night, and he'll still wake up wet in the morning.  It's annoying, yes, but now winter has truly hit and I'm worried about him getting chilled by laying for who knows how long in cold urine!  His nose has been running and last night he developed a wheeze and cough.  He was so cold when I changed him!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We've always cloth diapered, so I'm really reluctant to put him in pull-ups at night and potentially lose any ground we've gained (but I might if the cold becomes a health issue).  I haven't ran across any cloth-pull up equivalents that seem as if they'd be good for all night.  We've talked about trying him back in diapers, but I don't know if anything we have will still fit him.  I also don't think he'll be willing to wear them (before we stopped diapering I had to literally restrain him with my legs to get a diaper on).</p>
<p>I don't know what we should be doing or what we should try.  Any advice?</p>

 

[cdmommie]

<p>my oldest DD was completely potty trained at 18 months, then her little sister came along a month later and she just "un-potty trained"! It was crazy and frustrating, but in the end, we just stuck her back in diapers and let her lead the way.  She took about another year to get back to being potty trained, but she still wears "good-nights" at night because she still pees the bed about half the time and she's now 3 yrs old.  Potty training is not a quick thing, unfortunately, it comes in waves (in my experience at least).  My best advice is to ask the child what he is comfortable with.  If he wants pull ups, then cool, go for it. It will give him more control over his potty training and he will get to feel more self-satisfaction when he does it right.</p>

 

[lguse]

<p>Sounds frustrating.  And a bit familiar.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'd put him in diapers at night.  Dd has been out of diapers during the day since 18 months (we had many misses up until she was 2 however), and at nearly 3 is still wearing a huge cloth diaper at night (her bladder volume is incredible).  She has had a month or 2 where she hasn't needed a diaper at night, but then it changes again.  I have no idea what it's about, but we just put her in a diaper when she needs one.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't know what to recommend about the diaper resistance.  I've never had to deal with that in a major form.  The fear of being stuck with a diaper pin accidentally while she's squirming seems to keep her fairly compliant </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh yes, I found with dd, and have heard other people also say, that there will seem to be a weird potty strike, lots of misses, and then it will suddenly clear and things are better than ever.  The poop issue with dh complicates things though.  Would he feel significantly better about it if ds pooped in a diaper?  I would be concerned about my child being exposed to such an emotional explosion related to her elimination.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope things improve for you all soon.</p>

 

[JBaxter]

<p>I would put a diaper or pull up OVER his undies at night.  Kids ( at least mine) went through different sleep cycles.  The would wake up with me putting away dishes down stairs and other times sleep thought the fire alarm.  He may be just in a deeper sleep cycle or having crazy dreams heck when I was pregnant I dreamed I was peeing... <img alt="whistling.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/whistling.gif"> guess what <img alt="Sheepish.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/Sheepish.gif"></p>
<p> </p>
<p>If you do go the pull up route ( either posie or cloth trainers) and the mornings he his dry you can re-use because he has undies on.  If he does have an accident then it its just an extra undies & trainer to wash not the bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keeping the undies on reafirms he needs to be in undies but "night time " pants go on over them.</p>

 

[coyotemist]

<p>Dad needs to lose his attitude. Treating a <em>2 year old toddler</em> in such a violent way over his elimination is out of line, IMO.  2 year olds like to control their environment, they like to do it their way, when they want, how they want.  It's normal, maybe not easy, but normal.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think you should do whatever is best for your family.  diapers, pull ups, cloth trainers...any will work, all would be acceptable.  You may still have the diaper wrestle, but wouldn't that be infinitely better than piles and piles of blankets, sheets, clothes, etc?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My kids haven't ever been ready to potty learn until 3 or so, and I never push them.  They lead the way, and then we end up with way fewer accidents.  But that's just my 2 cents.</p>

 

[Llyra]

After potty training three, and having all of them go through periods of regression-- I'm inclined to say take the path of least resistance. Whatever DS wants, this age, would be the way to go. If he's resisting the potty, let it go for now. I think I'd feel differently if we were talking about a four year old, of course. But at 2? All you'll do, if you persist in the face of resistance, is prolong that resistance. So I think I'd go back to diapers.<br><br>
There's nothing wrong with taking a little break, for a month or two, and then trying again. That gives your DH a chance to take a break, too, and work on his patience.<br><br>
I wouldn't leave him in bed with no diaper, if he's wetting-- it's unhealthy and gross for him to be lying in a wet bed all night. I wouldn't allow him a choice on that front. He's really young for nighttime dryness, anyway-- my DD1 is 6, and only just now starting to be reliably dry every single night, and I haven't even tried it yet with my three year old twins.<br><br>
If you want cloth at night, I can recommend Mother-ease bedwetter pants. My three year olds wear them at night, and they get us through most nights without incident.<br><br>
Don't worry about losing ground-- potty learning is a back-and-forth, up-and-down process. It's been that way for all my kids.

 

[CrunchyChristianMama]

<p>Would not wanting to put a diaper on be encouragement enough for him to use the potty?  If he has an accident, maybe try putting a diaper on him and tell him to keep it dry and if he does until, say, lunch, he can go without it again?  I also would say use a diaper at night.  I refuse to have anything disrupt my sleep unless absolutely necessary.  <span><img alt="lol.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/lol.gif"></span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>Happy Heiney's trainers would probably work overnight.  We have a couple that DD wears to church since she's afraid to tell anyone but me and DH that she has to go.  There's lots of room in them for stuffing and they fit pretty snug around the legs.  It might be worth getting enough to put him in them during the day as well since they stretch enough that he could pull them down himself to go.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span>I'm also a big fan of never taking a child to the potty unless they tell you they have to go.  It meant more accidents initially for us, but in the end she learned her body's cues better and more quickly than children that I've seen that have to be taken every hour.  Just a thought. </span> <span><img alt="smile.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/smile.gif"></span></p>

 

[JudiAU]

It sounds like he is a busy boy with other things on his mind. It isn't acceptable that he went potty once during the day but honestly, I don't think he is at fault here. Don't make him the only responsible party. Just because at one point he was focused on it he is focused now Every 2-3 hours he stops and pees, and goes back to play. He spend 15 sitting down on the potty 3 times a day at the likely times. And no diapers, that will really make the situation worse. Get him back in the habit Potty learning is a process and it takes everyone to cooperate. We've had various setbacks (veer frustrating to DH) but we never went back to diapers.

 

[Rlin]

<p>DS potty learned unexpectedly overnight 2 weeks before his 2nd birthday. A few weeks after that he was dry at night. We do have to help him stay dry during the day, because he forgets it sometimes when he's playing. I remind him gently once in the morning when I notice he hasn't gone by himself, usually just say "Mommy needs to use the toilet, are you going as well?". After lunch we brush teeth and he goes potty as a ritual. Same if we go out, we use the potty before we put on our shoes and jacket. It helps him to have a few standard moments. I don't have to nag him the whole day, the other moments are "normal". At night I estimate we have about one accident a month. I put a mattress protection on his mattress so I don't worry about this. I keep pj's and underwear near our bed and he just co-sleeps the rest of the night (as he did tonight). We have the same mattress protection on our mattress.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he had a lot of accidents, I would just put a diaper on him again and tell him we will try again when he stays dry for a week or two.</p>

 

[staryla]

<p>Thank you so much for all your great replies!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm going to read up on the two recommended cloth trainers, and I really like the idea of the pull-ups OVER his underwear.  We'd just do it at night, but I think with the underwear next to his skin he would still get the feeling of wetness without soaking his pants and blankets as well. (I'm SO tired of changing a mattress pad and sheets once or twice a night!  Not to mention all that laundry) I've been reluctant to do pullups because DS has only rarely been in the stay-dry effect that disposables/pullups have.  I've heard so many stories of cloth-diapered babies seeming to potty learn, but if put in pullups where they can't feel the wetness they just lose anything they've gained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Also wanted to clarify that while DH does have an anger problem with poop he recognizes that it is HIS problem and doesn't pass it on to our son.  Though I'm sure a child's intuition can still pick up some of that negative vibe, kwim?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As for how he does during the day...it is great to hear recomendations to take the path of least resistance.  I know in my head this is a long process with lots of ups and downs, but on bad days it is just so frustrating for all of us!  With our next child I'm going to wait til I think THEY are ready to potty train.  My very pushy MIL, with her stories of how all her kids were completely potty-trained by 18 months (and slept through the night at 6 weeks, and climbed mount everest alone at the age of 5--jk about that last one) basically brow-beated my husband into taking our son out of diapers.  I let it go, because really I'm at work all day and DH needs to take the lead on this type of thing.  I have my own issues with that lady!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thanks again for all the advice!</p>

 

[Lamashtu]

<p>I hope I'm not out of line in bringing this up but your mention of your husband's reaction at cleaning up after your son eliminates raised a red flag with me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wonder if, when you're not home, your DH is doing some (for lack of a better term) rogue potty training?  You write, "Now if we even mention the word 'potty' DS screams NO NO NO and goes to find something else to do" and that makes it sound like your little one is perhaps being forced to sit on the potty for long periods of time to "train" him to eliminate into it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Again, I apologize if I am out of line here.</p>

 

[apple o' my eye]

<p>Thank you Thank you Thank you!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This is a bit like our situation too, 2 weeks of using the potty pretty well for a 27 month old and now, NO NO NO or No Way!   On the previous posters comment, there was no inflicted potty time I think she has lost interest. DD hung out with a few little girls that were potty users and thought it was cool, now she hasn't seen them  for a bit and lost interest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My question is, what to put on her bottom during the day? We cloth diaper so cotton trainers with the "plastic" covers over, diapers, or all in one cloth trainers with the waterproof part. (We love the Bummis). It seems like diapers are a mixed message-"good job you used the potty, now lay down so I can put this diaper on" BUT are cloth trainer too much of a push "These are underpants, they are supposed to stay dry"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Staryla, I'd for sure put something on DS's bottom at night. Like PPers said, night time wetness happens for a long time, depending how involved you are in his middle of the night pottying you could do a diaper or some sort of cloth overnight undies. My thinking is maybe they could then have potty independence at night. We certainly aren't there yet, but oddly DD wakes up at night and asks to use the potty. I have a dry cloth diaper there to put on after. It's cut our nighttime diaper in 1/2, no more doubling!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keep us posted!</p>

 

[staryla]

<p>Don't worry-I don't think you are out of line.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm pretty sure that's not happening.  DH has told me that he's stopped trying to get DS to even sit as regularly as we used to, never mind making him sit for extended periods.  We've both reached our threshold and are just kind of letting what happens happen.  We still ask DS if he needs to go potty, and DS inviteably says 'no' and will often proceed to wet himself within the next 10 minutes.  And then there are times when DS spontaneously takes care of everything with no prompting!  Ahhhh, so frustrating!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I probably shouldn't have even thrown that tidbit about DH and his poop issues into my first question.  It didn't really relate to the particular night-time issue that I needed help with, but was meant more as background material and to help signify how fed up we are with potty-training in general.</p>