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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know we've had about a zillion "would you leave your baby in the car?" threads- ready for one more?<br><br>
When DD and I went into our car after her HS soccer class, I thought I heard a cat meowing, but then I looked into the window of the van next to mine and saw my friend's 2yo strapped into her carseat, all alone in the vehicle, looking upset/possibly crying. The van was parked right in front of the soccer place, where it was easily seen through the row of glass doors by the mom who was inside with the older kids. I think the mom makes a habit of leaving the toddler alone in the car in certain circumstances (for example, I don't think she did it at a park community center where the parking lot was further from the door and none of the cars could be easily seen from the room.)<br><br>
I'm concerned about the little girl's safety alone in the vehicle, and I'm concerned about her mental health and possible feelings of abandonment alone in the car (though I have no clue what they do about bedtime or if they let her CIO at home- I do know that the mom HS her kids and is nursing the toddler and generally seems very attached to all of them.) This family joined the HS group this September, so I guess she's more of an aquantance than a friend.<br><br>
Is there some way I can approach her about this without offending her or ruining the friendship/messing up the dynamics of the HS group?
 

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At the risk of sounding like a b*tch, I wouldn't even be worried about offending her or not! That's not safe! Just recently a mother was convicted of murder for leaving her 18 mo old in a car while she went to work. The child died from heat exhaustion in the car.<br>
I'd definitely say something to her because leaving a small child in a car completely alone...even if you're just "running in" or whatever...is just stupid, IMO. So many things could happen. I mean, even if the car is locked some wacko could take your kid!
 

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Tell her that you know someone (me) who did this not to long ago, and thought it was perfectly fine. Then a man and a woman tried to abduct my child while I was in a store with all windows and was right close by. Some people react to that sort of story.
 

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I would just tell her what you told us: that you were leaving the soccer class, and noticed that her youngest was upset in the car. It's quite possible that when she left, her dd was asleep, but at any rate, it should be enough to let her know that someone is concerned about her dd.<br><br>
Really, my *only* two concerns in the situation that you described are that her daughter was upset/alone, and that someone might call the police.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
No, she was awake when she took her to the car. She was toddling around in just her pants and diaper because she'd gotten her shirt soaked at the water fountain and I'm not sure why she took her shoes off but they were in the middle of the floor (I moved them next to their jackets so nobody would trip on them and so it would be easy to find them when they packed up to go home). She was basically being a handful before her mom took her to the car, and she was most definitely awake!
 

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I am guilty of leaving sleeping babies in a car. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hide.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hide">: In my defense, I lived in a VERY small town where everyone knew everyone and everyone's business, if you know what I mean. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> And I always had clear sight of my vehicle at all times. If this mom is unaware that the babe is crying, she's also unaware of anything that could go wrong. I'd politely mention it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ruthla</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9875395"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">No, she was awake when she took her to the car. She was toddling around in just her pants and diaper because she'd gotten her shirt soaked at the water fountain and I'm not sure why she took her shoes off but they were in the middle of the floor (I moved them next to their jackets so nobody would trip on them and so it would be easy to find them when they packed up to go home). She was basically being a handful before her mom took her to the car, and she was most definitely awake!</div>
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So, did her mom put her in the car by herself <i>because</i> she was being a handful? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: WTH? How long was she in there alone?
 

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I don't quite understand all the circumstances, so I won't judge the situation. But, if you feel you want to say something, I think you can find a way to tactfully approach this mom and express concern without coming down on her or otherwise creating drama within your HS group.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KBecks</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9875513"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't quite understand all the circumstances, so I won't judge the situation. But, if you feel you want to say something, I think you can find a way to tactfully approach this mom and express concern without coming down on her or otherwise creating drama within your HS group.<br><br>
Good luck!</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Regardless of the circumstances, I would still come down on the side of you being concerned about the dd, rather than throwing a lot of scary scenarios at her. Make "I" statements as much as possible: "I saw that your dd was upset, and I was concerned that....". GL. These situations are always a bit touchy, but can be handled well.<br><br>
(That said, I do find it annoying that she buckled the girl into the van in order to contain her, and left her there. I totally get the impulse, but <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Maybe her daughter was having some sort of 'time-out' because her Mother thought she was misbehaving?<br><br>
Next time it happens go straight up to her and tell her that you thought she'd like to know that her daughter is crying in the car (like you're just mentioning it to her because you assume she doesn't know.) Maybe it will stop her doing it, or maybe she'll give you some reasonable explaination?
 

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There have been two threads in this forum (on MDC, not this particular one) about strangers trying to take unattended children from cars. That, for me, is enough reason not to leave my child alone in a car.<br><br>
In that situation, I think I would've approached the mom in full hearing of everyone and said, "Baby Whoever is awake and REALLY upset out there. Do you want me to go get her for you, or watch this one while you go?" First, you sound friendly because you're offering to help, there's an audience so she can't say no, and it assumes that of course she wouldn't want to leave her crying baby in the car alone.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NiteNicole</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9881062"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There have been two threads in this forum (on MDC, not this particular one) about strangers trying to take unattended children from cars.</div>
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...and how it NEVER happens. Seriously, is there a thread on MDC that actually references a case of "stranger abduction" from a locked vehicle?<br><br>
As long as the car is locked then stranger abduction is the LEAST of your worries when leaving a child unattended in the car.<br>
I would be worried that she would figure out how to get out of her car seat and put the car in gear, wander into the parking lot etc...not to mention being emotionally traumatized.<br><br>
I noticed at my son's preschool it seems like a lot of parents leave a younger child in the car while they drop the older one off, and they will dilly dally along spending 10-15 minutes inside the school <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
I just don't get it. I could understand running your kid in and being back to the car in a minute or two, but it seems like a lot of parents find it perfectly acceptable to leave kids in cars for longer periods of time.<br><br>
And it sounds like the lady in the OP is using the car as a time out <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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Maybe the mom was overwhelmed the the toddler running around and didn't feel comfortable asking for help?<br><br>
You could drop her an email and let her know that if she needs a break, you or one of the older kids would be happy to help so that she's not stuck feeling like she has to put the little one in the car.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dubfam</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9881683"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...and how it NEVER happens. Seriously, is there a thread on MDC that actually references a case of "stranger abduction" from a locked vehicle?</div>
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Actually, Demeter9 had exactly that almost happen. (Thread <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=792799" target="_blank">here</a>.) While I am sure it is an extremely rare occurrence on a global scale, it <i>does</i> happen. I'm sure nobody thinks it will happen to <i>them</i>, but it is bound to happen to somebody.
 

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I would bring it up. Some of the pp have had some great advice on how to go about it.<br><br>
I know that abduction is rare but why take the chance? It DOES happen so why make it easier for it to happen to "your" child.
 

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Well, in our county (or state? not sure), it's illegal to leave your child (of under 12, I believe) in a car unattended for more than 1 minute.<br><br>
Perhaps you should look up the law in your area, print it off and slip it into her car the next time you see it. Or mail it to her anonymously.<br><br>
Or call the police on her the next time you see it happen. It's completely unacceptable. What if someone lost control of their vehicle in the parking lot and rammed into the car? With a loose child in the car, not even properly restrained? or what if the child plays with the doors and gets out? What if she figures out how to lower a window and falls out, head first onto the cement, breaking her head open? So many bad things could happen...it's unbelievable. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>RiverSky</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9888376"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Or call the police on her the next time you see it happen.</div>
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Now THAT's the way you start HS group drama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I don't think it is any of your business. everyone has differnt comfort levels regarding this. If you feel you abso;lutely can't just leave it be I wuld just tell her next time that her baby is fussing. and leave it at that.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mama2Bug</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9888345"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Actually, Demeter9 had exactly that <b>almost</b> happen. (Thread <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=792799" target="_blank">here</a>.) While I am sure it is an extremely rare occurrence on a global scale, it <i>does</i> happen. I'm sure nobody thinks it will happen to <i>them</i>, but it is bound to happen to somebody.</div>
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I would not leave my 6 year old in the car unattended. I am talking about a situation where someone breaks into a car and steals a child.<br>
Which did not happen in that situation.
 

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A woman I know left a four year old in her car for a few minutes. He took the parking brake off and the car rolled backwards out of the parking lot and across a street. Good thing it wasn't a really busy street. I came out of the business and saw it happen. You can bet she never left her son in the car again!
 
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