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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Our relationship has been pretty rocky this past year. We are still very much in love and have a great time together but we have been fighting nasty fights almost every day for a long time now.I thought it was all him but I am discovering otherwise. Anyway, a couple of months ago I ran into an old boyfriend at his work. I didn't know he worked there or I wouldn't have been there at all. We had a really strong connections. We were friends for many years and he was always in love with me. When we finally did get together it was great but shortlived due to external circumstances.<br><br>
A short time later he got a girl pregnant and got married. We started to be friends after that and he was always pressuring me to continie a "relationship" with him. He did not ever want to marry his wife but I would not be more than friends with him obviously. This was HARD! So when I met my dh I cut off all contact with him and he was devastated. (who cares, he is married)<br><br>
Let me digress for a minute before I move on, I am a sahm with no car and no real connection with anyone but my husband. I talk to my mom but that's about it. I am seriously lonely and with all of the fighting I began to be distanced from dh as well. All of a sudden about a month ago I had noone. Also, dh was working 70-80 hour weeks and it was just me in our little box of a house with two toddlers. (I know I'm rationalizing)<br><br>
When I ran into this friend at his work he really wanted me to call him sometime just to talk but I said that I wouldn't and I didn't want to get involved. All this time this last month being so lonely I didn't care anymore and I did call him. I used to talk to him for hours and he just makes me laugh and cheer me up so I just thought I needed it. (I know I'm rambling)<br><br>
So... I talked to him quite alot for a few weeks and although I made it clear that I would not see him and I love my husband and my life, it still didn't feel right. This feeling intensified when he began repeatedly professing his love and feelings for me the last few times we talked. So just over a week ago I told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore and he really needed to redirect all of that energy into his crumbling marriage.<br><br>
So, I am not talking to him anymore and I played it pretty safe but I am not sure if dh needs to know. Right after this I picked up "the proper care and feeding of husbands" after reading about it on the other thread and read it in two days. I feel so much better and am really trying to treat my husband with respect. The result has been a blissful last week and I am excited about really making things work again. This makes me think even more that I should tell him but then am I ruining all the progress we've made? There has been such a pleasant spirit in our home and a playful spirit back into our marriage. Kinda like we're back on our honeymoon. I know that having this conversation will undo all of it and I am afraid what it will do. My dh is very jealous.<br><br>
It seems so stupid now that it's all out but I am really struggling with this. I don't want to keep things from my dh. I have never lied to him or held back before but I also want to do the right thing for him and I feel that it would be selfish to tell him just to make me feel better. KWIM?<br><br>
Any advice would be appreciated.<br><br>
Thanks!
 

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absolutely do not tell him. you didn't do anything wrong here. granted, there may have been a part of you heading in that direction, but you turned that around and did something that your husband would be proud of ultimately. that said, do not tell the man. i am kind of jealous, too, and if i were in the position of knowing or not knowing, i would not want to know this. it will only arouse suspicion and upset him unnecessarily.<br><br>
i know it might seem innocent to tell him now, especially since you are thinking, "i did the right thing here." but he won't see it that way.<br>
besides, you chose to be loyal to him and now the two of you are having a good time. trust me, you're going to rock the boat hard if you tell him this.
 

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I wouldn't, unloading your guiltly feelings may make your feel better, but it might make him feel like crap, as well as possibly having a really negative effect on your relationship with him. I think you just need to learn from this experience and move on. I don't think you have anything to gain by telling him.
 

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If you had cheated, you would need to tell him, IMO. But you *flirted* and chose not to cheat. In your position (lonely, isolated, a willing potential partner) this shows good judgment and great restraint.<br><br>
Don't tell him - it will only drive him crazy for no reason.
 

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I also think you should not tell him. From the sounds of it you didn't even flirt, only talked to an old friend that made you feel good about yourself. I think it will make his very suspicious and could really harm things. If my dh talked to an ex and didn't tell me and then felt "guilty" and came clean, I don't know that I would ever trust him, even though in your case your dh CAN trust you. Keep mum and work through it here or with friend
 

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I don't think you need to tell him. If he asks, I wouldn't try to hide it, but I don't see the need to bring it up, especially if you know it would upset him. I don't tell my dh of every single conversation I have throughout the day and I'm sure he doesn't tell me everything, either. It's no big deal, you didn't do anything wrong. You stopped talking when you felt that ex was crossing the line to mkae you uncomfortable.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you so much for your input. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one that feels this way and I am not just rationalizing.
 
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