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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm planning a UC but still seeing a CNM for backup care. She is not aware of my plans. I had previously left her for a homebirth m/w, but decided to go UC and went back to the CNM, telling her that I scratched my hb plans b/c I wasn't comfortable with the CPM (half true). I am just worried that if I tell her after that we planned the UC, she will refuse to take me as a patient if we have anymore children. I really love her, she delivered my DD and she is very pro-natural cb/non-intervention. I am also afraid if I tell her it was an oops, she will ask why I didn't go to the hospital immediately after, or call 911 or something. What should I do? Just keep it as an oops or tell her the truth afterwards? If I keep it as an oops, what do I say if she asks why I didn't go to the hosp after?
 

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Go over to the birth professionals forum. There has been a UC discussion going on since last weekend.

For most, medical prosessionals (especially those that deliver babies themselves) CANNOT accept UC as a valid way to birth. Put simply: if they did they would reconize that they are useless. (me included! But then women who plan UCs don't take birth classes, right?)

If it were me, I'd just zip it. After the birth, if you decide to see her again for whatever reason you can just go with your wisdom at that time.

The ONLY thing that cast a shadow on our UC's was that in our overwhealming joy and freedom we shouted to the whole world what we had done and planned....and got pooped all over by our most loved and trusted friends, family and caregivers. 1 in 100 said "cool, congrats" everyone else was name calling, questioning our sanity and basically ruining our shiny time with our precious babies. We were happy and didn't think through the consequences of telling while we were still so fresh and high from the experience. It's such a tender time and emotions are so close to the surface and so easily harmed. I wouldn't do it!

Silence is protection. Once baby is a closer to a year old and doing great it isn't such a big deal since she is no longer new.

You owe this woman nothing. She already has your trust and it'll be so painful if she isn't who you imagine her to be.
 

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For me, I would definatly NOT tell her. Any caregiver, whether OB, MW, or DR, will drop you like a hot potatoe if you tell them you are planning a UC. They want to cover their butts.

After the birth, if you are concerned about keeping her for future births, just tell her "oops". This is how I would do it. After the birth, several hours, or the next day, just call her and tell her "opps, it was just too fast. And since we had already done the hard part, we decided that we did not need to go to the hospital at all." You can ask her if she would like you to come in for a "check up" (if you want to), or just tell her thank you for her services and your sorry she missed the birth. I did this with one OB (for my second child) and went in after the birth for a check up. However, we have moved a LOT, and I have never had the same OB twice (I usually get some prenatal care), so after that point, when I gave birth, I just canceled any future appointment and never went back.
 

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Hi Meghan,

I've got no experience in this... I just wanted to check in with you to say howdy. I hope that you're doing well in this heat & humidity!

Take good care!

 

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i really think it depends on the mw. i saw a cnm throughout my pregnancy with ds. she and i just kind of knew each other from the start. she knew i was into homebirth, but that it wasn't an option in my area. we never discussed uc, but she was very encouraging and supportive about my body's ability to give birth naturally. when ds was born we transfered to the hospital bc he was having some trouble breathing. when she came in to see me the next day, dmw smiled hugely and said, "did you do this on purpose?!" i grinned and made some kind of coy comment. she said, "i see nothing, i hear nothing..." and then "i'm really impressed." and left shaking her head and grinning ear to ear.

so, yeah. i say use your better judgement and really form a personal bond with this woman (especially since, you never know what might happen and you might end up in the hospital and you'll want someone there who you trust). then, once you know her better you'll be better able to judge what her reaction might be.

also, you could do like i did. ask a lot of questions, show that you're educated. most hcp are pretty quick (at least the semi-good ones are) and will catch on. then, if she suspects but has a negative reaction to it, she probably won't say anything in order to cover her own butt. or if she does say something, you could probably judge from the way she asks as to whether or not she'd be okay with it. i say play oops until something shows you that it's safe to do otherwise.

as far as the 911 thing, when we first got to the ER with ds they asked why we didn't call 911. we both looked so frazzled and just played the "i don't know. it all happened so quick we hardly knew what to do!" thing. we just kind of acted like we were out of it and avoided answering too many questions until we got to L&D. of course, i guess this wouldn't work if you were talking to someone days later. still, maybe you could say that you were really in shock and could only concentrate on what was going on that moment. then, like pp said, just say afterwards you were so pleased to have an obviousely healthy baby and so tired that you just wanted to lay down and rest and you didn't see any reason to transfer since you'd already done it.
 

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When I was pregnant with my first babe, my HB MW told me that she thinks UC is such a great way to birth. She said with her kids she was never sure if she was going to get prenatal care and then if she was going to call anyone for her births. She assists a lot of UC folks in state & out of state. One couple she knows and loves lives 4 hours away and if they think they want her opinion, they'll drive to her and when a baby is born she'll drive to them if they want her.

So, when I told her I didn't want her at my baby's birth, she was quite fine with it. I DON'T think you've gotten those kind of messages from your MW, so I really really would not tell.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hi Kym! Thanks, I'm doing ok, trying to stay in A/C as much as possible.


I think I will just end up claiming an oops. It seems to be the most peaceful solution for everyone. I have complete faith in my CNM, and if she did homebirths I would strongly consider having her here for it, but she doesn't (I asked her). I want a UC more though, it is how I have been imagining the birth for months, and I'm looking forward to it so much. As far as most other people are concerned, we are having a hb with a m/w, they do not know that the m/w will not be here. They will never meet her, so it's not an issue. After the birth I will probably just call up the CNM and tell her oops, see if she wants to see me, schedule a 6 weeks pp checkup, and be done with it. My kids' dr. knows I'm planning a hb (not a UC), and wants to see the baby 2 days after she's born (I may wait a few days to call), so that's not an issue either. I really don't want to take the baby to the hosp unless it's necessary, so I will just tell the CNM the baby's care is taken care of, it's more me if she feels the need to check me (which I don't mind). Thanks for the replies.
 
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