[WithHannahsHeart]

My dd is not even two yet; she likes very much to take baths with her daddy in the evening. It is a very nice, non stressful way for them to hang out together; she gets time with him wehre he is relaxed, he doesn't have to chase her, and mommy gets a minute to herself

. Everyone is happy. She used to poke at his penis and of course be curious about it, or poke either of our bottoms if we were naked after a shower or what have you (and laugh hysterically

). So, we taught her simply that bottoms and genitals are private parts, and we don't mess with other people's private parts. She has taken to that information very well, and never messes with either of us anymore. We didn't scold her or anything, just to clarify, but had a simple matter of fact conversation about it.

Anyway the reason that i even ask if this is not 'ok' is that my mother, though God bless her didn't get into some silly rant about it, seemed to think it strange that dd bathes with her dad. It honestly never occurred to me to think that it might not be. Mom is uptight, to say the least, and we don't want dd to be taht way about bodies, though respectful of them too. What do you all think about this issue? If my mom brings this up, how do i gently explain to her that it's ok without invalidating her concerns (she believes i don't care about her concerns and just blow her off

).

 

[Overproducktion]

Well, you can use me for reference. I bathed with my dad till' I was about 4 or 5 maybe, and I turned out okay. (Alright, maybe there are some screws loose, but it's NOT from bathing with my dad).

Let her know that you understand her concers but have done your part on research and that you feel that it is okay.

Maybe let her know that you want dd to see the beauty in bodies and not to be ashamed of difference. Tell her she could become a stronger women some day because of it. (I'll try to find out where I read this...maybe Mothering?)

Many sons bath with their mamas (like mine) and this is seen as okay. Just as the other way around should be as well.

In sex education I doubt my boys will be giggling and pointing at the pictures of cartoon vaginas & breasts because they have seen it all before. (they saw me give birth as well) So, it's also early education.

Okay, I'm done rambling. :LOL

 

[lorijds]

My daughters bathed with my dh until they were 2or so; but then they wanted more room in the tub for themselves! Now they are 9 and 6; we have a very small house (2 br/1bath/850 sq ft). They see dh change clothes all the time. It is no big deal. If it begins to bother them, dh will be a little more careful about shutting the bedroom door before stripping down

. But honestly, they don't even notice. They walk right by, or will walk in to brush their teeth while he is showering or in the bathroom, or will walk into our room to get something while he is changing clothes, and it doesn't seem to even register that he is naked. Just like it doesn't seem to register that he is clothed. It is a non-issue.

 

[gaffa]

I don't think it's a big deal. In fact I think it's good for fostering comfort with the body. I thnk obsessive covering up and hiding fosters and unhealthy idea that the body is purely sexual. Personally, I think the body is only sexual in sexual context.
Naked people aren't inheritly sexual. We're really obsessed to an unhealthy degree about "modesty" in this country.

I had a very negative view of the body because of a lot of shame and guilt about the body growing up. I think it'll be not jsut a neutral experience, but a good one for your daughter not to make men's bodies dangerous or secret but rather commonplace. I also think that comfort with bodies will make it easier if someone tries to abuse her to not be ashamed to say what said person used to try to do what is she doesn't think the body is shameful and secret.

 

[jeca]

Of course it's okay in my book, but then again I'm the nut who still puts all her kids to bathe with each other. Also on the days when we are in a hurry to get somewhere dayy put them each one by one in the shower with him. So of course it's not a problem to me but I do understand why you ask. SOme think it's inapropriate

 

[Chiromom]

My son, who is almost 4 bathes with me all the time. It seems I cannot take a bath without ending up with both kids in the tub (DD is 16 months) for play time. It is not about checking out my genitalia although recently it did generate a healthy complex discussion about how boys and girls are different. I figure that he will develop a sense of privacy when it is right for him in a few years and then he won't want to bathe with me or hang out with me when I am in the bath.

How is it any different in the reverse? I don't think it is any different if a little girl is bathing with her dad or a little boy is bathing with his mom.

Our society oversexualizes thing that have nothing to do with sex. Bathing (or general nudity) is not about sex. Just like nursing is not about sex. I don't want my kids to have the same hang-ups our society overlays on our comfortability with our own bodies. To me it seems weird to give a 2 year old (or even a three or four year old) girl the idea that she should "shield" her body from her father!

Anyway, that's my .02 cents worth.

 

[GoodWillHunter]

i wouldn't think it's a problem untill either DH or DD shows discomfort with the idea. Then it's a problem... I stopped bathing with DS1 when he was 5 or so... I became uncomfortable with it.

 

[Irishmommy]

Moving this to Parenting Issues...

 

[Rainbow]

I think it is great

It is no suprise that your mom would think it was strange- as a generation back it would be socially incorrect (and still is for some people)

I think it is sad, because it is less likely to be an "issue" if it were a mom bathing with her 2 yr old son. It seems to go back to the men aren't nurturers idea- that men wouldn't want to be naked with someone unless it were sexual.

My DH doesn't bathe with teh kids (doesn't bathe at all, just showers) but he is naked around them and they don't even seem to notice or care.

 

[tricia80]

i continued to bathe with both my parents til 6-7.... my mom used to walk around in front of me til well she does... :LOL

i think society ismaking everythin sexual... the human body is not only beautiful its amazing...we videotaped dd's birth and she has seen it multiple times... she loves it.. and she will watch when i have another child... i think until the child or the parent are uncomfortable about bathing together keep on doin it...

 

[jessemoon]

While, I too, am not surprised that your Mother is a little wierded out, here is my 2 cents.

I think it is sad that our over-sexualized view of things colors normal family relationships. It is also sad that so many children are sexually abused that men, in general, are often unfortunately considered to be suspect.

I have met people who are comfortable with Dad bathing little boys, but not little girls. I have also met people who are uncomfortable with Dad/Grandpa showing affection (hugs, kisses) to little boys, but O.K. with it being girls. (Worried that too much affection from a male relative will "turn boys gay") Both of these attitudes depress me for many reasons, but primarily because they imply a sexual element to a family relationship that just isn't there in healthy families.

I sometimes showered/bathed with both of my parents until I was 7 or 8 and so did my brother (not all at the same time, that would have been one crowded tub

)

None of us turned out warped in the sex/nudity department. On the other hand, we were a naked hippie family in general, so perhaps the bath-time nakedness was less of an issue for us

.

 

[Colorful~Mama]

adding another 'i think its fine'

My dd is just shy of 4 and when she and her brother (10.5mos) are in the tub, she'll often ask daddy to come in too - and he does (of course yelling down the hall to me to bring him a towel lol)

i shower with dd when we're short on time.

i think its fine till you/dh becomes uncomfortable with it

 

[nikirj]

Another vote for "it's fine". My DH and DD (4yo) love to bathe together. They don't do it often (just because it is usually more convenient to throw the kids in the tub together and get them ready for bed at the same time) but when they do, they'll stay in there for a good hour talking and building soap towers and stuff. DD really likes to wash DH's hair and scrub his back, and really likes having her hair washed, too. She is old enough now that it isn't really an issue of convenience (when the kids were smaller we'd get in with them because it was easier to wash them that way) so I suppose the baths with daddy will end when she stops asking him to get in the tub with her.

 

[Marsupialmom]

I see nothing wrong with it. Neither does my husband. I do know when my girls got a certain age my dh felt more comfortable wearing undies/shorts in the tub with them. They still see him naked, so I think it is more a protection issue than anything.

 

[A&A]

I'd have him put on some swim trunks when he is going to bathe with her.

 

[Eustacia]

Sounds fine to me. I believe the "experts"

say that it is time to move on when they simply stare and stare at your genitalia. My dh wears swim trunks but that is for his comfort factor!

 

[eilonwy]

From what I recall, even the most mainstream "experts" say that a child will let you know when they're too old to be bathing with either/both parents. They'll get to a point where they want more privacy and will ask to bathe alone.

 

[iris0110]

A while back Ds went through a period where he was afraid to take a bath. It became so hard to bathe him that I started taking him into the shower with me. My family and I never thought anything of it. Well I told Ds's behavioral therapist that we were doing this, and he told me that I ought to put swim trunks on DS and a bathing suit on myself so Ds didn't get the wrong idea. Now what would be the idea that he would get, that because he is afraid of the water mommy will go in with him to comfort him. I don't to this day see how he could get the wrong idea from this. I told the Therapist that we are comfortable with nudity in this family, and we want Ds to grow up to be comfortable with his body, and not think of it as shameful. I also let Ds run naked in the back yard and through the house on days I don't mind cleaning up the messes. He sees me naked when I am changing, and now that he is potty training he constantly goes to the bathroom with me. I don't see anything wrong with this. I figure he will tell me when he wants more privacy. He let me know when he was ready to quit nursing, although sometimes when he sees my breasts he wants to nurse again for a second. I think this generation is just more comfortable with nudity than the last one was. On the other hand there are people who would try to convince us other wise.

 

[Piglet68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by A&A I'd have him put on some swim trunks when he is going to bathe with her.

Why? Do you think there is something wrong with a penis? Do you think your DD is looking at him sexually, or vice versa?

I really don't understand this attitude: seems to be confusing nudity with sex, far as I can tell...

edited to add: Reading this again, it came out alot snarkier than I meant it. I was asking in honesty, hoping to stimulate more discussion...

 

[slightly crunchy]

I think it's fine. I shower or bathe at times with my 2 year old son. Why would it be any different for Daddy and daughter?

I do remember at 4 or 5 being distinctly aware of my own nudity and wanting to close the bathroom door, etc. I also bathed with my two younger siblings until 4 or 5, not sure why I stopped but guessing I didn't want to anymore at that age. So, I think it's fine until 4 or5.

JK, I'd guess it's whenever dd lets you know, or sooner if dh becomes uncomfortable.