[LisaG]

I'm 14 1/2 weeks pregnant after 2 10wk m/c, 1 chemical and a lost twin with this pregnancy that we found out about at 12wks. And quite honestly, the loss of the twin was, perhaps difficult for others to understand, a relief more than sadness. I was so worried about preterm labor and premies and if my uterus would be up to the task given my previous uterine history, etc.

I was doing so well through the first trimester with staying calm and minimal worrying. The past couple days the fear is really in my face. I'm realizing that if I'd had another 1st trimester loss, it would've been horrible and yet, in a way, I know how to navigate it and find my way through it. Now I'm in uncharted territory.

I really thought crossing the first trimester landmark would only add to my relief and confidence. Today I got a voice mail from my brother wanting to know about when my baby shower is going to be scheduled so he and his wife can book their plane tickets. I can't call him back. It feels insane to be scheduling a baby shower so far into the future. Like somehow scheduling it would guarantee something would go wrong before then.

I hate being so fearful. I hate living from u/s to u/s. The relief they give is so short lived. I feel so lucky to finally be pregnant again and to have made it this far and I can't help wondering if my luck is going to run out prematurely and maybe this is all too good to be true.

 

[avivaelona]

I think unfortunately having a loss, or as in your case multiple losses is just very hard on our innocence, we can never just think everything will be fine and that makes the whole pregnancy after a loss harder. That's why there are is a whole thread just trying to give each other support on it, no matter when each of us had a loss, we know that having a loss makes pregnancy more scary.

I think you do need to know its just normal to feel the way you do and do what you can to get support and stay as calm as you can about it. One thing that helps me is to think "worrying won't change anything" Good luck.

 

[JayJay]

It will be better. Remember - this is a NEW pregnancy! Theres nothing to suggest it won' turn out well. All you ca do is relax because if you don't, do you think it will make a positive difference? That's what my mother told me about my next pregnancy - she having gone through a stillbirth with my brother Finn.

Everything will so, so likely be fine. You're gonna feel a lot of different things - that's normal. You're totally normal.

Explain your feelings to your BIL - perhaps he'd be good enough to put off the ticket booking for a few weeks? Anyway - here are some *HUGS* for you. I'm so sure everything will be fine

XXX

 

[jmo]

It does get better - but it never goes away. I'm about 23 wks after 3 first tri losses and most days I'm okay now. I still worried (no, freaked out) daily until I started feeling movement. And I still worry if I don't feel a kick every few hrs. I too thought I would be fine once I was out of my first tri but it didn't happen. I think feeling some movement will probably help you to feel a little better too. I'd definitely explain to BIL that it is too early to plan a shower. That would freak me out too. Hugs, mama, it's tough road.