[abc123xyz]

I know it's early to be thinking about this but do you have a shower with your second? When they are within 2 years of each other? We are not finding out what the gender is so that limits things a lot and I don't even know if I want to have a shower considering with DS, we got nothing we had on our registry...everyone got what they thought they should get. We have very specific things that we actually need this time around not want like bumgenius cloth diapers, an infant hammock, particular breastmilk storage containers, etc... I just don't know if I feel comfortable but I also don't want to be offended is no one offers either! I don't know....what is the expectation??? My close friend does want to do a blessingway so I am excited about that. I want to celebrate the life within me not have obilgatory gifts brought!!!! Maybe I should just hold to that and anything else, I will just return if I can??? i don't know! What do you ladies think???

 

[mom-to-jj]

Up until about 2 years ago, I had never heard of a shower for a 2nd baby. When I got invited to one, I was actually kind of irritated because I'd been to the 1st baby's shower and, while I wanted to get the mom a girly-girl gift since her first was a boy, I felt like the shower made the gift an obligation instead of a fun and thoughtful gesture, KWIM?

Now it's common for me to hear of 2nd showers, so maybe their popularity is spreading.

I personally don't want or really need a 2nd shower and would be uncomfortable if anybody threw one for me. But if you have specific things, why not register for them anyway or make a list. That way if someone asks you, your friends, or your family what you need, the gift giver can get a few specifics.

 

[threadbey]

Hmm, that's funny, I clearly clearly remember a shower for my baby sister almost 30 years ago! I was upset because there were all these presents and none of them were for me! (I think I might have gotten a box of crayons.) I was 3.

I'm kind of hoping for something. Not so much gifts, but a "blessingway" maybe? I don't know what that is. I was in another country until 6 weeks before DS's birth, so I feel like I missed some of the celebration aspect.

 

[firewoman]

I had a very small shower with my first and didn't even register anywhere. I used hand me down from my borhter's baby for her. With my second, four years later, I had a big shower and registered and got lots of "stuff". I haven't had another shower since. I think because the babies are so close in age some people may feel resentful to be invited to another "shower". I agree with the previous poster that a Blessingway or just a celebration of your pregnancy is appropriate, but asking for gifts again may be too much.

 

[fyrebloom]

I have heard of having a baby "sprinkle" instead of a shower, esp if the new baby is the other gender. I hate having showers thrown for me. I had a small shower with my first and nothing with my second. Now blessingways? Totally down with that. No gifts, just a celebration of the mother, baby and joyous pregnancy!

 

[Ila]

This is my first baby but I am embarrassed to tell people what to get for me. I am not going to have a shower thrown for me. My husband and I decided we'll have a small gathering when the baby is born (after we have some rest) and people can bring what they want or not bring anything, it their blessings that we want. However, luckily I will have most of what I need since my sister-in-law is going to give me all the nice things that her baby has outgrown. I'm saving a lot of money. I'm so excited everyday.

 

[gumby74]

We will probably hold some sort of meet and greet the bab afterwards, but I don't want another shower. Besides, when there is a baby around then the attention will be taken off of me, which makes me happy. I hated having so many people staring at me while I was opening up the gifts.

 

[completebeginnings]

We have a baby open house after the baby is born. We set aside an afternoon for people to come and visit. No one but me holds the baby. People are welcome to bring a small gift (it was helpful when we had a boy after girl) and we requested they bring a meal to freeze if possible. It worked out really well. I like to buy my own things anyways because I am so specific.

 

[Norasmomma]

I bet my MIL will want to have on for us, but that's just because she loves parties, family and babies. So it seems natural.

I am also thinking about having a "baby open house". We have done a lot of remodeling in our home the past few years(like MAJOR remodeling) and it used to be DH's family home, so it would be a meet and greet, plus see what we've done kind of thing. Baby would be born and so people could bring gender specific things since we aren't finding out this time.

 

[jillybeans]

We had one with our first, nothing big. This time my best friend INSISTS on throwing me a shower. She just likes doing that sort of thing.

I'm telling her that I will not register, and that I'd love some handmade things. If it ends up we're having a boy, she can tell people (if they insist on buying something--some people are like that) to buy boy clothes, but I'd honestly prefer good condition hand-me-downs. I'd really like more of a "baby celebration" and not a "shower" you know?

 

[tayndrewsmama]

I think all depends on your area. Unfortunately, people around here don't even tend to acknowledge the birth of a child after the first one let alone even consider going to a second shower. It makes me sad really, but I try not to set myself up for disappointment.

Have you asked anyone close to you what they think other than your friend who wants to throw the Blessingway? That might be a better way to gauge the reaction you could expect.

 

[hopeful_mama]

I'd feel less funny about a second shower if there were a big gap between babies and/or a different gender. Also it would feel more natural if it were a close friend than an acquaintance; with the former I'd want to celebrate the baby and the pregnancy, with the latter I might feel more like I was being hit up for a gift. So if it's truly people who care for you and wish you well, I think they're less likely to mind.

Also I agree that framing it more as a celebration and not that people have to go buy a lot is always a good way to tone it down a little bit, those who want to do a lot will feel free to do so and those who don't hopefully will feel free too. Perhaps the hostess can say when she invites people, "She has everything she needs but I thought it would be great for everyone to come together and celebrate this new little one" or something along those lines? People who feel a shower is fine will get things, and those who don't either will skip it or just get a token. And people can always have a prior engagement and decline to attend, if they're really uncomfortable with it!

I would love to have a shower, but I don't think it's likely, I don't have enough friends I think. This will be our first and we're not expecting to be offered hand me downs from anyone, so we're buying everything new. (Well I floated the idea of Craigslist or garage sales, but husband wasn't so keen on that. But I've been finding some great sales already at least.) Normally I'm the last one to want to be the center of attention, but I just feel like pregnancy is so special and every woman deserves that (unless it makes her uncomfortable of course).

 

[Turquesa]

OP, I'm crashing your DDC because I could have written your post, including the part about 2-year spacing and not knowing (i.e. not finding out) the sex of my baby. My extended family sort of "expects" a shower to happen, and I'm in the same dilemma of people who will inevitably get me a bunch of stuff that I don't need, all in environmentally wasteful packaging.

So I've decided to host my own alternative shower. The point is to CELEBRATE the new baby with food, drink, and laughter. I will ask guests to bring baby gifts that will be donated to a local charity, probably a pregnancy resource center or domestic violence shelter. I'll call the charity ahead of time to find out the items in greatest need and communicate that to my invitees. I think that given my situation, it's a more-than-fair compromise, and somebody who actually needs the gifts will get them.

 

[Maela]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norasmomma I bet my MIL will want to have on for us, but that's just because she loves parties, family and babies. So it seems natural.

I'm thinking this might happen to me. Not sure I feel comfortable though, especially since she'll most likely invite all her friends and distant relatives.

I was thinking about registering though because there are a few things that I want (although some of them you can't get at BRU). That way if people want to buy something....

 

[hopeful_mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turquesa I will ask guests to bring baby gifts that will be donated to a local charity, probably a pregnancy resource center or domestic violence shelter.

I LOVE this idea!!! What a wonderful and creative thought!

 

[Nature]

I had a shower with my second, but only because it was with a new husband. We had one for my third, because my SIL wanted to put one on. It was more about her than me really.. and after that no one acknowledged my pregnancies or babies.

 

[boobs4milk]

I've never had a shower! Five kids and NO shower!!!

We'll just wait till Thanksgiving to take the baby out and about around people, so we'll probably just say thanks for him/her then.