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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DD is almost 14, 8th grade. She is very shy and it takes a lot for her to step out of her comfort zone. Well, last year she tried out for the volleyball team and was one of 2 cut. With my encouragement, she worked hard all summer and tried out for the 8th grade team, again, one of 2 cut and the other one was one who had never held a volleyball before. I was heartbroken, angry, confused, ect. I confronted the coach in a non confrontational way to ask why and she told me I just needed to support her. Whatever, like she doesn't get 100% support. The sad thing is kids talk and she knows she wasn't the worst, there were at least 2 others worse than her, the evaluated her along with 11 other 8th graders AND 23 7th graders mixed at the same time for one day! They could have reasonably kept my dd and the other child, allowing 13 on the team. She was given NO feedback as to why at all and neither was I.<br>
The thing is dd2 is an excellent extroverted athlete. She makes every team and excells. This was a time I wanted something special for dd1, something she could be proud of. She suffers from terrible acne, and I feel this was one more blow to her self esteem, especially given one girl thought it her place to inform everyone that she didn't make the cut, the only one really.<br>
What do I do???
 

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This is a harsh reality - not everyone makes the cut. For whatever reason. It;s easy to blame on popularity, bias, etc. But a lot of times, coaches see where potential lies, and where it doesn't.<br><br>
Maybe a wiser thing to do is help her find her own place, rather than try to duplicate some of her younger sister's success. What else is she interested in?
 

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Gosh, I don't think I was blaming anyone and do you not think I would see to it that she was in other things?? Yes, she is, but I DO beleive a coach DESERVES to give a potential player Feedback as to why. AND dd2 is NOT in volleyball, the reason why I beleive DD1 wanted to do it, so I am glad you know the wiser thing to do, thanks, but its done, I do know how to parent. I guess I am in the wrong forum.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>wflcpw</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8975100"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What do I do??</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>wflcpw</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8975100"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...so I am glad you know the wiser thing to do, thanks, but its done, I do know how to parent. I guess I am in the wrong forum.</div>
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Brings to mind the saying: Be careful what you ask for; you just might get it. If it's one thing I have learned on MDC it is this- if you ask what people think you should do, they won't be shy in giving opinions, feedback and more questions.<br><br>
And since you asked <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
It's too bad your dd didn't make the team at school <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I'm wondering if there are any rec centers or the like where you live. Maybe one of them is also doing volleyball. Some of them are not so competitive and realize that playing a sport can be more than just winning. Is that a possibility? It's sad to think your dd put work into getting better yet won't be able to play volleyball on the school team.
 

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((( ))) How dissapointing! I wanted to share my expereince: my daughter was on a vball team at age 11 and they did want her and the others to be extroverted,it was really a trip becausue the coach was very extroverted and the girls were not!!! My daughter was on a team last spring with another extroverted coach and it was a nightmare for my daughter. She now is on a team with a more introverted coach-a much better match.<br>
I am now on my 13th year as a sports mom. I have seen so much!!! I know it gets extremely competive at Middle School and not always fair. Frankly, I am not really sports enthudinst-I am supporting my daughter. I would much prefer less compeitive indivuidual type sport. There is rec. sports as pp said. Unfortunaly, the reality around here to make a team you have to be playing like year round. Plus, camps,camps , and more camps. It is,in some ways to me, a bit out of balance. Like today, she will be at the high school for 5 hours as part of the Varsity pre-seson classic (required to watch al 4 games)<br>
Focus on strengths and I like to say,participate,not hide. If she really wants to play team sports,there will be a way .Personally, I wish my daughter was more into drama or wanted to do something individual like dance or diving or swimming. She is into art and loves to sing. She is 14 Sallie
 

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Ack, that's a tough lesson at your DS's age. Sorry for the rejection. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br><br>
My older DS tried every sport, karate, yoga, improv performing arts, art, etc until he stumbled into bass guitar which is his PASSION for 2 years now. Some kids are not sure what they want to do yet. The important thing is to encourage her to smile and say, "Okay, volleyball is not for me right now. What's next?". My mantra in the face of rejection is always, "Next!?!". Don't get hung up on the *why*...there isn't really any explanation and it wont benefit her to dwell on it.<br><br>
I dont agree that coaches should provide specific feedback at this age, especially to what you describe as a shy, introverted child. I think it's more important to focus on the next thing. It's not like she has been playing volleyball for years and suddenly was cut. When faced with choosing who I think will make a good team (I was a cheering coach), it was not always something specific...just a gut feeling about which 14 out of 45 girls would be best suited together. And I certainly would not want to hurt a child's feelings about it by saying, "weeeellllll...your jumps were weak and you were not aggressive enough".
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I think extracurricular activies (sports/band/drama) should be open to any child that wants to participate.
 

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I'd probably say something like "That's too bad - I know you worked really hard at it. How are you feeling about the experience?" Then take it from there. She may feel embarrassed about it and need some reassurance that sometimes that's just the way the cookie crumbles, and there's nothing 'wrong' with her, or she may be more resilient than you imagine. I know my mom always thought I was more delicate and easily wounded than I was, and as I got older I would feel frustrated with that!<br><br>
See if she wants to keep playing volleyball recreationally, or if she's feeling 'done' with it and either wants to just give hobbies a rest for a while, return to something else she's into, or try something new.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>wednesday</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8975968"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I think extracurricular activies (sports/band/drama) should be open to any child that wants to participate.</div>
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Well, town activites (YMCA, Boys/Girls Club, etc) are usually open participation. And I think that's fab! But trying out for a team that you know you have to be chosen for is different, and we need those, too. Kids who are truly gifted at a particular activity and want to learn more/increase their skillset need to have a place with likeminded kids in a similar bracket.<br><br>
But I guess that isnt really relevant to the OP. Sorry! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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 Quote:
Originally Posted by wednesday
I think extracurricular activies (sports/band/drama) should be open to any child that wants to participate.


Well, town activites (YMCA, Boys/Girls Club, etc) are usually open participation. And I think that's fab! But trying out for a team that you know you have to be chosen for is different, and we need those, too. Kids who are truly gifted at a particular activity and want to learn more/increase their skillset need to have a place with likeminded kids in a similar bracket.

But I guess that isnt really relevant to the OP. Sorry!
I disagree. It sounded like she was a competent athlete, but that there were many others. Sounds like the mom isnt sure why she was cut-it wasnt based on lack of ability.

OP, if you are still around (8 years later :) ), did you find a solution? I think about this for my ds, who loves sport, but isnt as athletic as other kids. As someone who played sport myself, I cant imagine missing out on that, just because someone else is more athletic.

All kids deserve the chance to participate in sport. Its human nature to want to play/run/be part of a team. Just because you are not destined for the olympics, doesnt mean you shouldnt enjoy physical activity.
 
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