[askip]

Hi. This is my first post here and I really need some opinions and ideas.

I want to have my 2.5 yo ds in the delivery room with us as I give birth to his sister (around 7/27). He doesn't want to be dropped off somewhere and he didn't seem to comfortable when I was explaining that I would be making loud noises... he wanted me to get her out gently.

Any experiences? What did you do? What would you do differently? What helped? What didn't?

THANKS!!

 

[anothermama]

HI and welcome and congrats!

First off, everyone will tell you to have someone present that is just for your child. My dad came up for my sons birth and his job was to be with my daughter. They are VERY close and he is a great comfort to her. I'd have someone who your child really is close with be there just for him.

Now, my daughter was older, but what we did was I screened Birth Day and A Baby Story for the "good" births (i.e. unmed or in birth centers) and we watched those for MONTHS before hand. We even borrowed some birth videos from my midwives and watched them. And every time my daughter said the same thing..."I don't want you to yell a lot" and every time I said "I'll try but I MIGHT yell a lot...is that ok?". And my daughter would tell me that she'd have to leave the room if I did, and thats ok. I just kept reinforcing that I MAY yell a lot but it was because it's hard work getting a baby out. And actually in the end, she was present when my DS was delivered and didn't mind the yelling. She even took pictures.

Also, I found that it really helped to have my daughter really interact and get to know my midwives. My DD came with me to ALL my appointments and I let her be really involved........they always let her hear the baby and would help her feel for different parts as I got bigger. And when birth day came around, I found that it was a great help that my daughter was so farmiliar with the midwives. I think the fact that she was ONLY with people she knew and trusted helped.......I think that if she hadn't really known the midwives, she may have felt not as comfortable.

I mentioned my dd too pictures.......I'd read that it can help siblings if they have a "job" to do during birth. Prior to my delivery, I let my DD massage my shoulders and feet a lot and we told her she might do that to help mama during labor. Also, I bought her a little Hello Kitty disposable camera and told her it was her "job" to take picures.......and I think having a "purpose" really helped her stay calm as well as feel included.

Well, those are my tips..........good luck!

 

[stafl]

I wanted my DD there when the baby was born. We did all the preparing you can imagine, talking about birth, watching births on tv, reading books, etc. She was very excited about the idea, and looking forward to the time when Mommy would squeeze the baby out...

but when it came down to it, and I was really in labor, she got scared. She was terribly worried about me. It was past her normal bedtime, and Mommy couldn't nurse her. She cried and cried and cried, and finally DH got her to go to sleep. She woke up just a few hours after the baby was born.
Not exactly what I had planned, but it was still a wonderful experience for all of us.

I take it from what you wrote, that you are planning a hospital birth? Perhaps you should have a back-up plan for your toddler, just in case. It was easier for us, with a modified-homebirth (not at my home), but if we had been in a hospital I can see how her reaction could have been quite distracting. My doula didn't make it to the birth (she had agreed ahead of time that if DD needed somebody to watch her, that she would do it), and DH had to take care of DD himself.

 

[Leilalu]

Hi, I'm kind of new here too
My doctor will allow me to have my daughter there when I deliver. The midwife is seriously against it though- as hospitals can be extremely unsafe for young children. I definitely want her there right afterward. She's 19 months old. I don't really want to have to leave her with someone- but I also wouldn't want her getting hurt. And I have a feeling that as things get intense she might freak too. We are very close and she gets concerned at my appts when they start feeling my stomach! I wouldn't want her to worry about me. Hopefully I'll labor at night and she'll be asleep and won't notice anyways...
Leila

 

[Boobiemama]

My baby is 4 months old and my 2 yo and 5 yo were there for my entire labor and birth.

I had him at a freestanding birth center, so it was great as there was a nice family room and my private room, and no one else except my nurse and dr there. We had the whole place to ourselves. My husband did run home with the kids 2 times when they started to get restless, and he took them out to eat once or twice. The rest of the time, they played.

When it was time for the actual birth, they seemed to know what was going to happen and any misbehavior we had earlier was done with!

I had a waterbirth and my 2 yo daughter stood next to the tub as I was pushing saying "mama baby". She was playing with a little rubber ducky in the water. It was so cute.

Both kids watched the baby be born, and no one was scared or upset or anything. My husband took good care of them.

 

[PumpkinSeeds]

I prepared 2.5 yo ds for the birth by using videos and talking about it a lot. I also "acted out" what I would look like during labor.

We took a tour of the birthing center.

We hired my doula's daughter to care for him during the birth, (ie, hold him, and talk him through it)

I had a waterbirth and he was there the entire time.

It was great. He still talks about it 3 months later. He also asks me if that was how I squeezed him out as well.

 

[Ragana]

My daughter was 3 when her sister was born. We let her choose. She asked about the mechanics of the baby being born, and after I showed her pictures of a birth, she chose not to be there. In retrospect she made the right choice for all of us. Her sister's birth was supposed to be a homebirth, but we ended up transporting to the hospital after 24 hours. If you feel your child is mature and verbal enough to make the choice, why not let him choose?

 

[obnurse]

I agree witht the above post talk to your child and see how he/she feels. It sounds as if you are having a hospital birth. Our policy is that someone other than you and your partner must be there to take sole responsibility of your child. And make sure that this person knows that this is their job. I have seen some sad times when the poor child was in the corner with tears running down their cheeks because the person who was supposed to be with them got involved with the birth. We don't mind at all if children are present, as long as they are cared for, prepared and supervised. We do have a policy against allowing them to sleep overnight after the baby arrives. This was enacted after we had some children wandering around in the middle of the night while the parents slept. Our hospital is a fanatic about safety, and anybody could have grabbed those kids while they were wandering around. It is too bad though, because honestly I have seen more kids upset that they couldn't stay with their moms than I have seen kids that wanted to be present at delivery!