[JayGee]

DS is 4.5 and DD is 2 and everything between them is a fight. They seem to be constantly vying for my attention to see who I will pick. Some examples:

In the car ~ who gets to push the button that opens the automatic van door
At home ~ who gets to get the neighbor's newspaper and put it on their doorstep
Meals ~ I give a choice, as in, "Would you like soup or a sandwich for lunch?" If one says soup, the other automatically picks sandwich (and then begs for soup after I've made the sandwich).
Activities ~ I say, "Let's go to the park today." and one will say, "I want to go to A park!" Then the other will say, "No, I want to go to B park!" And I am left to pick one park over the other or just bag the whole thing.

I've tried telling them where we're going, or what we're eating, but I do feel that children should have some choice, albeit limited. These two seem to be constantly bickering and arguing and fighting, and it's just making me crazy!

Any ideas on stopping the "Mom loves me best" power struggle???

 

[MtBikeLover]

I'll just tell you what I would do in the situations you listed:

In the car, I would let one push the button to open the door and one push the button to close the door. Or, if that doesn't work, I would let one get in, close the door, and then let the other open the door, get in and close the door.

Newspaper - Again, I would let them each have a turn at it. If that doesn't work, I would say "It's DS turn today and it will be DD turn tomorrow." We do a lot of taking turns in our house.

Meals - I would just say what the main meal was and leave the choices to something simple like a fruit or a snack on the side or a drink. I am a firm beliver in choices, but I also know that when given too many choices, you will get too many answers (I have learned that at work with adults!!). So say "We are having soup for lunch. Would you like crackers or toast to go with it? Would you like water or milk to drink? Would you like an apple or a banana?"

Activities - I would say "Today DS gets to choose where we go, tomorrow DD can choose where we go. And the next day Mommy gets to choose where we go." If that doesn't work, then I would say "We need to reach this agreement together. Let's all sit down and discuss this as a family. If we can't agree, then we will just stay home."

On stopping the "Mom loves me best" I think you need to get them to work together. Try to remove yourself from the middle. it sounds like you are being left to make all the decisions because they can't agree and I think you need to put it back on them to try to work out a compromise by themselves. My kids are 18 months and 3.5 and I always tell them to work it out. As long as they aren't hurting each other, I will let them try to solve their problems on their own. Or if DS wants something that DD has and he comes to me and asks me, I tell him to go ask her. It isn't my place to get involved.

 

[oliversmum2000]

i understand exactly how you feel

i feel like a referee not a mum sometimes

 

[angela&avery]

I have some of the same issues with my almost 3 and 5 year old. I make them come to a conclusion together. Like, when they want to watch a movie I tell them they need to decide and agree on one together or they cant watch one and I leave them to it. My ds (5) has figured out that if he picks 3 movies he likes, dd(almost 3) will usually pick one of those if he shows them to her. He has also learned they need to be dd friendly (movies he knows she likes too).

thats all ive got....

my kids fight ALL THE FLIPPIN TIME!!!

 

[angela&avery]

oh i wanted to answer your situations too:

With the whole lunch thing, i have been known to say "dc, i dont want you choosing such and such because dc is choosing it, you need to choose what you want".

My kids dont choose foods bc the other does or doesnt want it, but i have said this a few times when I notice ds choosing things he doesnt like bc he wants to be the same as his cousin or a friend. I just prefer that they be themselves.

If they fight over where they want to go, I just wouldnt offer that as a choice. I would say, 'we are going to this place' and when they offer up other ideas just say that both ideas are great adn if they decide on one together you will go to it, but if not you are going to the place that you chose.

see, my kids dont fight about solvable problems, they just tease and irritate one another till the other one hollers. it drives me nuts

: they take each others things, poke each other in the car (they are fighting right now!!!)