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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've seen a lot of threads lately about siblings sleeping together as a natural outgrowth of co-sleeping, but that's not my situation.<br><br>
I have my 9 and 10yo dds sharing a room because we live in a 2 bedroom apt and are moving into a smaller 2 bdrm apt. I'll be sharing a room with my son indefinetely- although there is the possibility of giving him his own room and me sleeping in the living room at some point in the future.<br><br>
Both girls have expressed interest in having their own rooms. There are constant squabbles about having to share space- 'It's not fair that my sister messes up my area" and "My sister is nagging me about my mess". If I could afford a 4 bedroom house, the girls would each have their own rooms right now, and Jack would have his own room set up but would be allowed to sleep with me for as long as he needed. That isn't an option right now.<br><br>
Every single family in this area can afford separate rooms for their children. They don't know ANYBODY, besides themselves, who has to share a room with a sibling.<br><br>
Anybody else dealing with something like this? How do you handle it? How do you teach the children to get along better?
 

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Hi Ruth,<br><br>
My sister and I had to share a room due to circumstance from 1990 until 2002 (when I married and moved out permanently). Since we had different personalities, likes and dislikes, sleeping schedules it was challenging! The only thing that will help is time and parental involvment when settling disputes.<br><br>
My parents put down some ground rules. Since I was the night owl, I was to be courteous when preparing for bed (not turn the main light on, use a small table lamp, etc.). We were to give each other creative space (no putting a poster over the sibling's poster) and not take the sibling's stuff without receiving permission. And concerning messes? Make them both accountable. Obviously, this didn't work all the time, but it gave my parents something to work with.<br><br>
But seriously - time will help. The preteen stage had the most fighting for my sister and I. It will get better! (And if not, somebody will move out at some point! :LOL )
 

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Good question. I also struggle with this but I have a twist. I have an 8/dd and 6/ds, they share a room because I can't get a 3 bedroom. Here is the kicker, I would be willing to give up my room so they could each have a room but they won't sleep in their room if they are alone so we would all be in the living room. I worry because I know there is coming a time when it is actually illegal for opposite sex children to share a room. I wouldn't worry about the legality but I am a single mom and I always have to keep these things in mind since they can be used against me.
 

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Illegal? Really?
 

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my two kids share a bedroom, but my oldest especially benefits from private space. we installed curtain on a wire that's mounted easily at the ceiling with hardware <a href="http://perth.ikea.com.au/prod_template4.asp?product_id=21990&se_id=37&page_id=40300300251009&Cat=16&Scat=68" target="_blank">like this</a> from ikea and it works great. it was very easy. I wish I could show you a picture of how it works...<br><br>
we don't even use a curtain - just buy the clips and put up a cool sheet
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>benjalo</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">my two kids share a bedroom, but my oldest especially benefits from private space. we installed curtain on a wire that's mounted easily at the ceiling with hardware <a href="http:" target="_blank">http://perth.ikea.com.au/prod_template4.asp?product_id=21990&se_id=37&page_ id=40300300251009&Cat=16&Scat=68</a> from ikea and it works great. it was very easy. I wish I could show you a picture of how it works...<br><br>
we don't even use a curtain - just buy the clips and put up a cool sheet</div>
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The link isn't working <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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It's against the foster care laws, but there is no US law about sibs sharing a room.<br><br>
My children (6 & 12, 16 & 11) share rooms and it's not been a problem at all.<br><br>
I like the idea of separating with a curtain. If that becomes an issue here, I will def use that idea!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks, its working now.<br><br>
They key, of course, is to find a logical place to PUT the curtain, so that they can each get to their own beds, clothing, etc with the curtain closed.
 

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Definitely providing each their own part of the room, w/ a central "shared" area can be a good way of dealing w/ it. To maximize space, have you considered getting them loft beds? Then they'd each have their own private space underneath their beds for a desk or just to hang a "keep out" sign and close a curtain. Curtains to go around the beds can be another way to give them each a private space.
 

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Thanks all. That is a load off. When they get a little older I will do the curtain thing or I have always liked the idea of copying ship type bunks.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>~*max*~</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Illegal? Really?</div>
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As far as public housing, HUD, section 8 after a certain age are concerned, yes, it is illegal.<br><br>
Furthermore, when calculating legitimate occupancy, the agencies figure that no more than two people to a bedroom should occupy the unit. So if you are renting out a three bedroom apartment, you should have no more than six people on the lease, including babies; although, some jurisdictions have made exceptions to this rule since housing is short.<br><br>
- landlord of twenty years experience.
 

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My own personal experience:<br><br>
I grew up in a family of nine children, two boys, seven girls, two parents= eleven.<br><br>
By the time I was seventeen, there were four bedrooms:<br><br>
my parents had one bedroom with the baby,----3<br>
I shared a bedroom with two other sisters, ---- 3<br>
My brothers shared a bedroom,------------------2<br>
The other bedroom had the younger girls,-----+<span style="text-decoration:underline;">3</span><br><br>
Grand Total----------------------------------------11<br><br>
Not bad!<br><br>
When I was younger there were three bedrooms, which changed as the family grew; when we moved into this house, there were three girls and one on the way.
 

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Ruthla, most single parents I know in your position do what you are doing, use the living room as their bedroom and let the kiddies have the two bedrooms.
 

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Only single mama I know is my sister, who has a one bedroom which she shares w/ her 5 yo dd (they do separate beds now but niece still crawls in w/ her some).<br><br>
As long as they don't mind, there's nothing wrong (or illegal) w/ opp sex kids sharing a room, although there are, as someone mentioned, HUD guidelines that are relevant if you're recieving assistance (in which case it's on them to put you in a house/apt big enough to meet the guidelines for your family and enable you to afford it).<br><br>
In tight circumstances, I could totally see having a family bedroom (w/ whatever arrangements of beds seemed best), that is used for sleeping, and use the second bedroom for playroom or whatever else, and to enable each person to have some corner of the house (a desk, a play space, whatever) that's theirs alone, not necessarily a bedroom/sleep space.
 

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My two girls will share a room for quite awhile. We have a 3br home but one room is an office with no closet. We are using it as an office for dh's work. They are still very young so I can't give any advice about how to work it out.<br><br>
My mom's side had many cousins, large families, and almost everyone I knew shared a room until they left home. My dh and his sister also shared a room until he left home. It worked out just fine. They locked the door if they were getting dressed and needed privacy. They had matching furniture and each stayed out of the other's dresser.
 

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As far as I know, foster care is the only thing that governs opposite sexes sharing the same room. Just being on assistance doesn't (if you know differently, prove me wrong...links, please!) The only thing "assistance" demands is that they each have their own bed.<br><br>
As for Ruthla, my oldest two share a room and complain about each other all the time...but they complain about each other no matter if it's their room/space or ANYTHING/EVERYTHING.<br><br>
I remember being the same with my younger sister too. It's just the "sibling thing". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Thanks for the info about the opposite sex "laws". I honestly never knew such a thing existed. We have a three bedroom house right now - one room for dh, baby & me, one room for our 17 year old dn, and one room for 3 year old dd and 5 year old ds. Dd & ds really like sharing a room. In fact, if we moved to a bigger house, I think they would still want to be in the same room, even if they could have their own. In fact, they look forward to the baby moving in w/them. (I'll enjoy it while it lasts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">)
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Every single family in this area can afford separate rooms for their children. They don't know ANYBODY, besides themselves, who has to share a room with a sibling.</td>
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How frustrating for you. What helps me at times like this are to remember that:<br>
*in my opinion, only a small percentage of the world population is wealthy enough to have their own room<br>
*in my opinion, sharing a room is good for most kids, and is fantastic practice for adult life, negotiating skills etc<br>
*I know a very very wealthy family who encourages their kids to share rooms even though they could easily afford cavernous, spacious rooms for each kid and I admire them for that choice<br>
*I know two situations of people using the living room as a third bedroom<br><br>
I am very glad I shared a room as a kid, and very glad my kids share a room.
 

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My 10 and 13 yo sons share their bedroom because I have a five bedroom house and five kids still at home. For the most part they do well getting along but the 13yo is add and a pain in the ass. He's sloppy and disorganized and drives his brother to distraction but when its time for bed both are glad the other is with them (for the most part).<br><br>
I have a media room in between the two boys rooms that could easily be converted into another bedroom if the boys became truely incompatible and Jon (oldest son) will be going to college in two years but so far so good.<br><br>
Debra Baker
 
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