[crb]

Well, it has been all sunshine and roses between dd (4) and ds (8 mos) here, but I see the tides beginning to shift as ds begins to scoot his cute little butt around the room and get into dd's world a bit more . . .

DD is getting aggravated w/ds and often sort of grabs him on the arm or leg - not so hard that he cries, but obviously in aggravation/aggression and tells him "No!" The thing is, sometimes she has a legitimate gripe, sometimes he is just playing by himself and she has gotten in his space. Any advice/wording for how to guide ds in this transition to life w/a mobile sibling? We want her to be able to express feelings, but not take them out on ds.

Also, poor ds! He is just a babe, but now that he is starting to move a bit, it seems like everything a no-no - he especially loves paper and leaves. He is constantly being frustrated in his efforts to grab everything in sight. We will babyproof again, but it is so much harder w/an older child who's stuff is pretty much all "big kid" stuff. I need suggestions for how to redirect a baby w/a one-track mind!

 

[WuWei]

Does dd have a space of her own where she can retreat to without a baby tagging along? It sounds like she needs some time without a baby in her space. Could you create some activities that dd could do alone? Felt boards, dress up, doll house, stringing large beads, a kitchen set up, etc. Could you create some activities that ds would be attracted to: a pile of cushions to climb over, a tent over the table to hide under, puppets, story books, etc so that dd could have the playroom independently when she is indicating that is what she needs. Especially later in the day, it is really hard to have little people in your stuff when you are tired.

: Getting out of the house and playing with water are other activities that they may be able to do parallel. You may be doing all of these things already.

I would model saying 'Dd is playing with that. Do you want to play with this?' and offer items that dd isn't playing with. This allows dd to see what *to do* when ds wants to play with things that she is using. Validating that dd is feeling invaded and perhaps ambivalent about having a baby helps her to expunge the ugly feelings about not wanting the baby living with her. She won't feel that way always, (I am assuming this) and by having your support while she experiences these strong emotions she will be able to move through them in her own time and feel that you are connected to her loss of having to share you with the baby. The book Siblings Without Rivalry is excellent for discussing these issues.

HTH, Pat

 

[crb]

Thanks! Yes, dd says she only loves ds and wants to be with him, but I am seeing the beginnings of some negativity - although when I ask her if she wants to go somewhere or do something just the two of us (on the weekend or something) she usually says she wants the baby or the whole family to participate, so it is difficult to gauge sometimes for me.
We will definitely set up a space for her - her bedroom is ok, but lately she is expressing a lot of monster fears and doesn't want to play alone/away, so we need a space in the public space. I have read SWR and must buy it - have checked it out a few times, but it seems better as they get older - right now the relationship seems pretty one-sided!

 

[annarosa]

no advice - I'm sorry - but I'm watching this thread with interest cos we have the same issues coming up soon ..........

 

[jillmamma]

DS is 3.5 and DD is 11 months, and she sometimes "messes up" his stuff. He likes to line up his cars a certain way, and she sees it and wants to check it out. I have had some success with having him give her another toy to play with (or at least offer that). If she does not go for it right away, I step in and help redirect her to do something else or have him share. Sometimes he gets to play by himself, sometimes share (if it is baby appropriate). HTH!