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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here I sit at my desk, innocently reading an email and there it is; the paragraph tucked away about the baby who would have died had there not been the immediate action of an amazing OB who swept in to save the child from certain doom.<br><br>
I received this e-mail today from a "friend" who's sister delivered a baby this weekend. Her story is that the labor was smooth and perfect and then boom! baby's heart rate drops and they immediately put her under and do an emergency c-section. The baby was born with his cord around his neck 4 times and certainly would have died otherwise. Her last line was "So you may want to rethink your homebirth, Karen."<br><br>
Why, why, why does everyone feel it is their duty to share these types of stories?? Maybe I should pass along to her the story of the woman who I know who's OB caused the death of her fullterm baby?! It doesn't make me doubt my choice but it certainly messes with my "homebirth high" a little bit. DBF and I KNOW we are making the right choice for us and our baby and I don't need this static. (We were in the hospital yesterday getting my blood drawn. DBF looks at me and very loudly says "This is no place to have a baby!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) I responded nicely to this woman and gave her the wonderful statistics in favor of homebirth but I have a feeling that the more I hear these types of things, the less nice I get!!
 

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So sorry mama, I think that is why a lot of HBers and UCers just don't tell. Like you said, it usually only gets more frustrating, sounds like you handled it really well though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dimibella</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8979330"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So sorry mama, I think that is why a lot of HBers and UCers just don't tell.</div>
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We have decided to not tell many "IRL" friends. I only talk to this woman via e-mail so I can always just not read her messages. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Well, if you want to get technical you can always send her tons of info on how cord wrapped around is normal and safe (and lately I've read on here how it's actually protective against prolapse) and not a reason for a c-s OR a hospital birth...<br><br>
or "Thanks for the email but my dbf and I and my provider feel very comfortable with my decision to homebirth blah blah blah"...<br><br>
Or DELETE. That might be easiest.
 

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I feel your stress... I was in your shoes this past November and December.. My mother and a "friend" would go out of their way to share these types of stories.. my mother even told me she hoped DH had good life insurance for me so that he could care for my surviving children!!!!<br><br>
Try not ot let it bother you, easier said that done.. read everything you can about birth.. plan for everything you can plan for.. and trust in yourself<br><br>
hugs
 

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I told everybody, and countered every story with actual information. It was fun for me. I WOULD tell her the story about your friend. I'd mention that medical mistakes are extremely common and underreported. I'd talk about how fetal monitoring (to detect those decels) are notoriously inaccurate, since NOBODY KNOWS how to interpret them. What were the baby's apgar scores?
 

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Today my mom told me all about some distant cousin who's baby was still born because the cord was wrapped around her neck and choked her to death before even going into labor.<br><br>
My mom didn't have much of an answer when I asked how exactly a baby would choke to death while still in the womb and not breathing and therefore not able to be choked. lol.
 

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Remember, too, that women have to have some reason to undergo the intense violation that is sometimes present in hospital birth. There has to be some justification to having their baby roughly handled or for situations to be dealt with by "professionals" as opposed to ... um, ?<br><br>
Her concern is coming from a very scary place for her. It might be easiest to honor it, hear her love and surround her image with love and peace. Then let it go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Remember, too, that women have to have some reason to undergo the intense violation that is sometimes present in hospital birth. There has to be some justification to having their baby roughly handled or for situations to be dealt with by "professionals" as opposed to ... um, ?</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br>
My DD was born vaginally with the cord around her neck 3X and a true knot. She was totally fine, but I'm sure that if I had had an OB and CS (an OB most likely would have sectioned me...34-hour posterior labor), a less scrupulous OB would have done the "Oh, your CS saved your baby--look at the knot and cord around her neck" bit.
 

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It's tough. I didn't tell anyone until I was about 30 weeks, and then I told my mom, and about 2 weeks before the birth my dad found out (kind of a funny story, he found out right before the 36 week home visit and my bp was through the roof....lower when I calmed down, but still, I had to convince the midwife "no really, I literally hung up with my dad right before you knocked on the door and he just found out about the hb"). MIL since has told several stories about "Well I had this friend who had a baby and it was a good thing they were at the hospital because....." I just ignore her. You are making the right decision for YOUR family. I'd just say that. Every time. "I understand where you are coming from, but this is the right decision for me and my family" and leave it at that. You can't save everyone, and that's hard, because you want to. But, you don't have to discuss it at all if you don't want to either. That was a very freeing thing for me when I decided just not to discuss it. Not to tell. I'm an adult now and I am under no obligation to explain myself. Tell her it's off limits if you want. I'm sorry you're being met with resistance. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'd just hit delete and pretend you never got that email. Some people thrive off other people's reactions, maybe she's one of them?
 

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I am L&D nurse and I watch women fall into the WARPED opinion that these Dr's are here to save them and it drives me crazy. Babies cords can be wrapped around their necks and they are born 100% healthy, and you can have a perfect baby on the monitor that comes out a mess. Everyone tries to CONTROL birth and it is sad that if we left well enough alone and just "let" women give birth that the results would be so much better.<br><br>
Gosh...I wonder if that family thought of the effects the general anesthesia had on that poor baby who was ripped from its momma's womb, being "saved".<br><br>
My next baby will be born at home...not sliced out of my belly like my last and I know people at work will just not "understand"...oh well....I will not be relying on anyone to save my baby, because I choose not to live in a world of fear.<br>
Alicia
 

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I applaud your couragous choice to birth your next babe at home. It's also nice to hear a L&D nurse tell it like it is! Stick to your guns, mama!
 

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While I'm as frustrated as the next mama at the reactions some people get when announcing a home birth, I don't think the intentions are (usually) bad. And not always so complex (like having to defend their own hospital birthing experience - although, absolutely, that definitely happens - just not all the time, I think).<br><br>
We in this time and nation have all been very well indoctrinated as to how dangerous birth is and how safe a hospital is for birthing, and how knowledgable and capable doctors are.<br><br>
So anyone who responds like the OP's "friend" is likely - and ignorantly, and frustratingly of course - just shocked at what a dangerous thing the OP is intending to do, and surely the OP would never do that if she knew any better.<br><br>
Like imagine getting an email from a friend saying "Oh, next weekend we're going to all hang out in the garage and close the door and turn on the car and maybe drink a few beers, it will be fun, I hear you can get really high that way." And your instant response is - "Um, you can kill yourself that way, please don't do it, I know a friend's cousin who almost DIED doing that."<br><br>
The difference, of course, is that people don't have the facts on home birth (they probably don't have any more facts on carbon monoxide poisoning either, but they just similarly heard it's BAD).<br><br>
My MIL tells the story about how my DH's sister was born with the cord around her neck too, and it was apparently a scary thing for her. Frankly, the first time I heard that story, I didn't know squat about birth and thought it sounded scary too. It turned into a family joke about how DH''s sister tried to kill herself when she was born. None of us knew better. Blame the doctor for putting such fear into my MIL, instead of saying, hmm, looks like we have a nuchal cord, no problem, it's common and easy to fix - he probably instead did a lot of patting his own back about the disaster he helped avert.<br><br>
But yes, women should educate themselves about birth before doing it, but I can understand why not all women can, or think they can. And back in 1974 there probably weren't as many books written with a lot of detail about birthing for the maternal audience. So you just had to go to a doctor and trust him.
 

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i usually try to respond to friends in a friendly manner. i mean they are just trying to save our lives <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> really though, there's something sad in the fact that my MIL thought a baby might truly go blind w/o getting silver nitrate in his eyes. and then there are people who ask me how i will know when i'm having contractions?! i usually try to counter w/ all the info i have on the safety of birth. when people don't buy it i tell a grisly story where a doctor really did have to save mom and baby.<br><br>
feel free to share at will. it's terrifying!<br><br>
my mother went into labor w/ me in 1982 just as info about there being HIV in the american donor blood supply hit the news. Things went well until i decided -as usual- to dawdle a bit on my trip. well the good doctor helped her stay put despite her objections and pleas to move about. Then he decided it was rather rude for me to make my mother wait so he grabbed a pair of forceps squeezed my skull and some of my mothers veins as well and guided me into the world gifting me w/ a life long hatred of pushy athourity figures and my mother w/ a massive hemorrhage. she passed out and my father was told that he could give my RH- mother a blood transfusion but there's this new AIDS thing and we can't say if the blood won't kill her in a few months. by the way sir your wife is bleeding out. mom had 3 blood transfusions and went home form the hospital a week later w/ an 8lb baby girl and a 10 lb blood blister between her legs. she didn;t have HIV but she did get to spend a month in bed w/ her MIL cleaning a huge glob of blood between her legs until it fell out causing more bleeding.<br><br>
isn't it wonderful those doctors were there to save her! i always say. They got that blood transfusion done so quickly and the blood to clot. She could have DIED! i mean those FORCEPS really did a number on her insides and it's not like there's any other way to speed a labor. everyone in the history of the world who labored for longer than say a round of golf died in the process. women in labor can't WALK!!! imagine if she'd been at home. it would have taken HOURS to have that baby she might have had to sit there in pain (and not bleeding to death). god bless the doctor who saved my mother.<br><br>
that story has actuially gotten people asking me about common hospital caused complications.
 
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