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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My mom has some sort of toxicness still I had surgery to remove my thyroid I am having to take 2,000 mg of calicum 3x a day because my calcium is out of whack because my parathyroids need to be reworked! Gives me a big huge headache . I can't talk or shout.

I got to my mom house on saturday morning then the bitching began on sunday nite so i'm going i'm getting a major headache! I don't know what made she bitch so much @ me ? I wasn't even being rude to her . I was trying to be helpful of letting her rest while i took the bed in the bedroom since the doctor has claimed she had heart issues which the doctor said she now doesn't but she hasn't been feeling too good and then brendan my son who is in the phase I don't like that -name after - when he hasn't even tried it then mom his grandma actually growled @ him saying you make grandma growl then in the sunday nite he developed a fever and I can't lift him because of my surgery .

Then on monday we rushed him to the pedi doc -virus they said- then on tuesday mom took me to my appt then she was giving the how unsanitary is my place and how she suprised he is not so sick when he is over there . I go mom think about this - brendan gotten into 'cleaning supplies @ your home more than twice they are not locked up and you keep on saying brendan those are no no's it's poisonous -do what you preach keep it out of reach of my son you always tell me not to have those things within brendan reach and to me cleaning supplies are more poisinous than the 'crappy crumbs that end up on our floor. So she got all stuck up her butt stonewall stuff'.

Then I had bought them godfathers pizza buffet oh but today I'm the have no faith in me kind of person -yeah right then giving me the anything that you don't get or do what you want rubs you wrong then she goes on how she has done all this stuff for me - yeah like what ? except for complaining of how ungrateful insenstive lil bitch unfit mom of a daughter to her . then she get me so stressed out and i'm still healing and it hurts to cry because my mom really hurts my feelings and i'm still healing on my throat.

She never sees it as her only as me i do so much even after i had surgery i was trying to be kind . But you can't expect me to do so much after all within 3 days of surgery .

ETA : It's been 5 days since surgery but the whinining and moaning started with 3 days after the surgery really I should say the day after I got home from the hospital.

5,729 Posts
lurking around your posts off and on now. As someone who just got home from surgery YOU SHOULD BE RESTING AND TAKEN CARE OF!! A loving mom would come clean up for you, watch the kids and help post op. you have said she has called cps on before I think did I remember that right?
You and your child need to be as far away from this woman as you can. she is toxic to you both. you need to read toxic parents. there is an url somewhere you can read books online.
also join the toxic parent thread on personal growth.
My oldest will be 20 this weekend. There is so much more available now for single parents.use these services. Any you qualify for, ssi, food stamps etc.
hire a college student to come clean for you then it will be easy to do maintaince.that way if she tries cps again you are covered.
you feel so down because the one who is supposed to love you doesn't and makes no bones about it.
I live far away from you and I care about you and your ds.
I love you as a fellow human being.
Being ugly to post op people just isn't cool. and you shouldn't have had to be out so soon. your surgeon would have a fit. tomorrow call the office and tell them you need home health care from county if need be.
my current situation is way different now, but if there is ever anything I can do to help I will. I remember being a very young mom,going through a divorce and not much support.
go to the stickies here and parents as partner for womens shelters numbers in your area. you are being abused by this woman. If a friend did this you would cut them off right? now look at your situation pretending it is someone else. what advice would you give that person?
I cut my mother off for two years. She unlike most toxics is trying to mend her ways. cut off can be done.especially while you heal and learn to put boundaries in place.
if you have to ignore her calls and knocking so you can heal do so.

let me also give you this perspective. I have a fdil. If she just had done what I did, I would have made her and ds some freezer meals. I would then ask her what I could do FOR her whether that be errands, cleaning, sitting if they had kids. or just staying away and letting her mom do all that if that is what she wished.
had YOU been living by me and I knew you were having your surgery at the same time I was, I would have made triple batches of what I cooked (after checking on allergies first) so you and your ds wouldn't have to worry about some meals. I would have gotten you numbers to call for other services you might need. I know that most of the moms here would do the same.

I hope this has helped some. get well soon

4,962 Posts
My intention is to be gentle and loving when I say this.....

She only treats you like this because you allow her to abuse you. When you stopping allowing it, she won't be able to hurt you anymore.

I understand that she is your mother and it is very difficult to cut off that relationship. I also realize that you feel stuck and like there is no other support.

When you start to look for other support or HAVE to look for other support, you will find it is there. There may even be an MDC mama near you who could help just never know until you start to look.

I realize that it is difficult, recovering from surgery, having a sick little one, being a single mom....but YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU CHOOSE TO, it is COMPLETELY WITHIN YOUR POWER TO CHANGE.

Ask any of the women here who have been in AND HAVE LEFT abusive relationships. It is scary to leave, it is scary to not know what you are going to do or who is going to help, but when you finally make the leap, you are going to be stronger, healthier and on your way to freedom.

I'm wishing you and your little one healthy recoveries.

2,908 Posts

Originally Posted by CerridwenLorelei View Post
You and your child need to be as far away from this woman as you can.
....... your surgeon would have a fit. tomorrow call the office and tell them you need home health care from county if need be.
I agree with CL-- and you might especially note that though we expect mothers to nurture, sometimes they are very harmful to their children. Your mother is harming you and your child- you need to protect yourself and your child.

If you do not have a family member or friend who can really help you out for a while, definitely tell your doctor you need some help! You need to rest so you can heal.
Hugs to you.
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