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I just got off the phone with my best friend in CA. She had a baby on friday & all went well with the birth but apparently bf is not going well. She's tired, the baby isn't getting enough, she's afraid of getting another abcess (she had this w/her 1st child) & it's just so hard. I offered her A LOT of support & said I understand & blah, blah, blah. I was a bit perturbed with her
: b/c I gave her my Womanly Art of Breastfeeding Book when she was 3 mos pg---It was highlighted & everything. Do you think she read it "NO". Everything I was telling her on the phone was like "Oh really". I'd say "it's right there in the book" & she'd reply with "Oh I guess I should've read it.


So I go so far as to find the LLL leaders in her area (w/her permission of course) & give her the numbers to call. Do you think she's called, "NO". I am just steaming mad. What else can I do to help her & support her? I can't fly 3,000 miles to be sure her baby has the correct latch & I honestly feel like she's getting pissed at me b/c I'm telling her all the reasons she HAS to bf & I get the feeling everyone around her is saying "just give up & use formula--it's easier".

I'm actually shocked at my anger. I honestly feel like she just can't be bothered with hearing the truth & thus is telling me "well Lola I'll have to get back to you in a few days O.K." She & I have been for 25 yrs & I so don't want this to hurt our friendship but I am stark raving mad that she's so willing to give up. Dh told me to just let it go b/c I can't want it more than she does....
Today's my birthday & I feel like I just got jilted out of ending my day on a + note.

So how do you all cope when someone so dear to you just doesn't want to bf or feels it's too hard? Has it hurt your friendship in the long run? Any other suggestions on posiibily helping her get thru this rough period? I'm at a loss & just so sad & angry.
 

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Hugs to you! If you can continue the friendship, by all means do. New moms need support whether they bf or not. However, if you need distance I certainly feel for you.

I couldn't deal with my best friend after she had her baby and gave up on BF because she could get formula for free from wic. Also she seemed really eager to get away from her child and the kid was only a week old. I had dried up due to unplanned pg and I just personally couldn't be around her attitudes. Now we write xmas letters, and that is about it.
 

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I feel ya, sister! My sil has decided to start supplementing with formula so that she can get drunk in the evenings, "no worries", nevermind that she has a 2.5 yo, a 1.5 yo, as well as the 1.5 mo...and her dp is an alcoholic, so yeah like they really need the alcohol even around.
:
If you feel like you still need to try to do something, you can call one of the women with LLL and see if they will go to her house. That's the only thing that I can think of.
 

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i feel for you my sil is due 27th and she wants nothing to do with breastfeeding
i tried so many times to incourage her and she says with no problem bf isent for me and id never do that (that) excusise me but anyway just rethinking about it makes me red so i hear you hugs
 

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Sounds to me like she does not really want to bf. Is your friend ship the kind that you can ask her if she wants to bf? That way, if she says she's not "into it"(and it sounds like she is not) then you can stop wasting your breath. Cant promise you won't be mad at her for a while, but at least you can drop that subject with her and avoid the irritation.

I did know a girl who thought it was "too much" for her. Our friendship started to fade, but it had little to do with bf or parenting in general and her increasingly "attention whore" behavior.
 

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My friend (and neighbor) is like this. Her mother was a LLL leader and BF all her kids til they were 2 (back in the 70's!) and when she was pregnant with her first baby, she was hell bent on nursing - even bought a $250 PIS pump. Turned out she had horrible PIH, all kinds of icky drugs for her PIH before and after the birth and BFing did not work out. I was bummed, but I could see where she was coming from.

Fast forward to baby #2. Her MOM is buying her formula as a baby shower gift (ranting about how $$$ it was since she never had to buy it
: ). My friend had sold her pump and never had any intention of even trying with #2. No matter how much I tried to tell her that she might as well TRY, then if it didnt work out, no harm done. She is kind of a lazy person, so I really harped on how much easier nursing is once you get the hang of it, too!
I am just amazed that she made such a 180 degree turn from the first pregnancy.

Oh and her son had bad constipation, to where they had to stick thermometers up his butt to make him poop, and i mentioned that BF babies dont get constipated, but she insisted that the formula had nothing to do with that. So she didnt even try to BF #2.

Just the other day, she was talking about her sons eczema and asthma and her daughters recurrent ear infections and i can't help but think that these things would have (at least) been minimized if she had BF. But there is no point in me even saying it. It makes me sad, but I just have to remember that she is a different person and I cannot force her to do anything she doesnt want to do. We are still friends. We go to consignment sales and play poker together, but we're not really "parenting buddies", YKWIM?
 

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I had an acquaintance that I tried to encourage and I could just sense she wouldn't be truly trying. When I saw her a week after her baby was born she was annoyed because the baby was using her as a pacifier. She started transitioning to formula around two weeks and quit bf around 3-4 weeks and complained about gaining weight right away.
We don't really keep in touch anymore, we just don't have anything in common except the fact that we're female and both birthed children.

You can't make her want to bf unfortunately.
 

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I've been in this position, too, with two SIL's. It sucks. I tried discussing it with my MIL (one SIL's mom) and she said, "Just because you believe in something doesn't mean everyone has to believe in it."
Excuse me? People "believe in" God and the Loch Ness monster and alien abductions... Breastfeeding is substantiated by hard science! It's not a matter of faith! Aaaarrrgghhh! Oh yeah, and MIL is a Nurse Practitioner and FIL is an MD. So much for evidence-based medicine.


Sorry, didn't mean to segue into my own rant there.
 
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