SIL wants my freezer stash Rant!

2484 Views 58 Replies 50 Participants Last post by mahogny, Apr 8, 2006

msumomma

Discussion Starter · Apr 6, 2006

3

Hey everyone,
My sil is currently pg with twin girls, due May 6th. These will be babies number 5 and 6 for her. She has never bf any of her 4 children. I had been talking with her, and was trying to convince her to give bf a try. Unfortuantely, we are not close so I don't think I was able to get thru to her. Quite honestly, I also pretty much gave up because I personally feel that since she was unable to at least cut down on her pack-pack and a half a day smoking habit that she will have a hard time doing something so selfless as breastfeeding twins. To sum it up, I don't think she's willing to put in the effort that it will take. When I asked her what interested her most in bf, she said the fact that I didn't have a period for 13 months pp made her want to cosider it.
So more recently, my mil calls me to ask me about maybe sil using some of my pumped freezer stash for when the twins are born to boost their immune systems. I ask about sil just bf herself, and she says "well, she was eligible for WIC, so she'll be getting formula for free".

So I need to help boost these poor babies immune systems because thier mother is too lazy to do so?

: So now with her due date quickly approaching, she wants to know if I will give her some milk to give to her twins. On one hand I want to say no way! On the other hand I feel bad for these babies, with all the smoking she has done thru the whole pregnancy they will need all the help they can get ya know? (and for the record, I was a smoker until I was about 20 weeks pg with my dd. I smoked a pack and a half a day and had been smoking for about 10 years. I know how hard it is to quit first hand but it can be done! and she's smoked thru all her pregnancies before, why quit for this one right?

: ) Should I just give her a few bags of milk? I could get rid of some older milk anyways. I have almost 200 oz in my freezer, and my dd is 14 months and I don't leave her really that often...I was just building a "in case of emergency stash" and used to pump once a day from the time she was 2 months till she was about 11.5 months.

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Hayes

· #2 · Apr 6, 2006

Does she know that second hand smoke DOULBE the risk of death from SIDS? I don't know what Iw ould do in this situation. Hugs mama.

bravofrenchie

· #3 · Apr 6, 2006

2

:
Well, I guess I can see both sides. Breastmilk from you would be way better than no breastmilk whatsoever from their mother.

OTOH, you are not a danged milk cow! Your milk is YOUR milk. And you don't have any obligation to give it away, for whatever reason. It really does sound like she knows the benefits of breastfeeding, but doesn't want to do it. "Breastmilk is best, and you've got lots, so why should I have to breastfeed when you've got a whole freezerfull!"

:

I guess if your old milk is going to be thrown away anyway, it would be better to give it to your nieces than the sink. But you should make it very clear to your SIL that you are under no obligation to provide her children with your breastmilk, and that you reserve the right to stop providing it at any time.

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taz925

· #4 · Apr 6, 2006

Heather,

You should do what is best for the babies. The mother does not get it enough to do it herself so give her your milk and then at least they have some. At least she is willing to use your milk. So I vote for being selfless and sharing.

Doreen

3703

· #5 · Apr 6, 2006

I vote for selfless and sharing as well. You are a good person to consider doing that!

Is there any way you can make a deal with her? That if she gives it a shot on her own for a week you will give her some milk? That way, worst case, maybe her babies will get some cololstrum. And best case, she realizes it is not all that bad and keeps it up for a while!

LoveChild421

· #6 · Apr 6, 2006

I would call her and tell her that you will send some milk if she is willing to at least BF them in the hospital so that they get some colostrum. If she wants to boost their immune systems that is the best way to do it. She can just give them your donated milk until it runs out when she comes home and then use artificial milk if that's what she's so intent on doing. If it were me, I wouldn't turn over my whole freezer stash, just what you are comfortable parting with. I feel for these poor babies, sounds just like my aunt- smoked a pack or 2 a day, had premature twins, bottlefed from the start- they are the sickest children I've ever known, they have been hospitalized more times than I can count. I would look at it as an act of charity to the babies and not the mother.

p1gg1e

· #7 · Apr 6, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveChild421
I would call her and tell her that you will send some milk if she is willing to at least BF them in the hospital so that they get some colostrum. If she wants to boost their immune systems that is the best way to do it. She can just give them your donated milk until it runs out when she comes home and then use artificial milk if that's what she's so intent on doing. If it were me, I wouldn't turn over my whole freezer stash, just what you are comfortable parting with. I feel for these poor babies, sounds just like my aunt- smoked a pack or 2 a day, had premature twins, bottlefed from the start- they are the sickest children I've ever known, they have been hospitalized more times than I can count. I would look at it as an act of charity to the babies and not the mother.

Yep I would do that. Also can you print her information about BF a premature infant? Take her to LLL? I know she is not close to you but if you offer to support her she might listen to a little of it. pluse she will get more money for food if she BF on WIC and not FF. can you tell her that. Also tell her she will loose weight LOL ANYTHING to feed her ego

www.kellymom.com

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SneakyPie

· #8 · Apr 6, 2006

Wait -- she has not even asked you for the milk *herself*? I would at least wait until she brings it up before offering it.

If you're going to offer milk I think it probably has to be without stipulations or judgements about what she should be doing, too. (Not that that will be easy, but you know what I mean.) 200 ounces is a TON of milk, in my eyes -- I had such problems pumping that once when I had a stash of 16 ounces I literally cried with joy! Usually I could never backlog more than 6-7 ounces, and I only left the house once every 2 weeks for 2 hours. And now, with my son 16 months, I haven't had a single ounce of frozen milk for 6 months. I'm not saying you owe her the milk -- just saying that it sounds like you could build a stash again, to reassure you.

Trishy

· #9 · Apr 6, 2006

I'm sorry I would not do it. If she wants her babies to have the benefits of breastmilk she is perfectly capable of nursing them herself. If she wants them to receive the immunity from breastmilk and you do not give her your stash she might actually nurse them herself.

kalirush

· #10 · Apr 6, 2006

Yes, frozen milk retains antibodies. It's not as good as fresh, but it doesn't lose all its benefits (grumble grumble from a pumping mama).

If I were you, I'd probably give the milk but make abundantly clear that I was doing it for those babies and not her, and that I thought very poorly of her refusing to even try bf.

Julia

alegna

· #11 · Apr 6, 2006

I wouldn't do it. I didn't do it. My sil had twins. She didn't put forth much effort into breastfeeding... needless to say it failed. I didn't have a stash (or a pump for that matter) but I would have gotten a pump and pumped like crazy if she was TRYING and not getting enough.

-Angela

sunnysideup

· #12 · Apr 6, 2006

Quote:

Wait -- she has not even asked you for the milk *herself*? I would at least wait until she brings it up before offering it.

If she hasn't asked for it herself, it wouldn't make much sense to give it to her.

But, if I had 200 oz of milk (that's a huge amount!) and I wasn't going to use it for my baby, I would be happy to have it benefit another baby. Even more so if the mother was not intending to breast feed at all-- those babies need it more. While I would want to encourage this mom to bf, with her history it doesn't look like she will, so I would give her the milk with no strings attached.

rmzbm

· #13 · Apr 6, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trishy
I'm sorry I would not do it. If she wants her babies to have the benefits of breastmilk she is perfectly capable of nursing them herself. If she wants them to receive the immunity from breastmilk and you do not give her your stash she might actually nurse them herself.

Exactly!!

JesseMomme

· #14 · Apr 6, 2006

That's a toughie. I think I too would say at least bf in the hosp for the colostrum if she so interested in the well being of their immune systems (and maybe just maybe she'll keep going if only for a little bit - hey home in on lose weight aspect even though it's not true for everyone lol) and I would be clear that I was doing it for the babies because she is being too selfish/lazy/whaatever to give her kids her own immunities.

BM would be so much better for twins that may be preemies and possibly underweight from the smoking to boot...sigh. That;s why I would do it if I were you.

Doodadsmom

· #15 · Apr 6, 2006

Making a deal with her to at least nurse while in hospital sounds like a good idea! If she says no, you could refuse, hoping she'll give breastfeeding a shot if she thinks you're unwilling to give her your stash. You could always say yes later.

runes

· #16 · Apr 6, 2006

She knows breastmilk is better for her babies, (or at least your mil does)...and she STILL won't bf them herself and are putting the onus on YOU? All because she qualifies for WIC? Doens't WIC give a food allowance to breastfeeding mothers?

IMHO it sounds good to make a deal with her...bf them for 2 weeks (so the poor babies get her colostrum and she starts to have mature milk) and then perhaps at that point if she cannot continue, then you can give them some of your freezer stash, but with their knowledge that this is not a permanent arrangement. She will of course need lots of support during this time if her own mother is discouraging her from bfing because she qualifies for assistance.

That said, if you do end up giving them your milk, do it with a happy heart knowing that you are giving these sweet babies an incredible gift.

pdx.mothernurture

· #17 · Apr 6, 2006

I think I'd consider offering her X amount of milk, if she agrees to breastfeed for 2 weeks, to give her children her own colostrum and a couple of weeks of BM. Just explain that you're willing to help out, but she need needs to put forth some effort too. Maybe giver her a copy of http://www.promom.org/101/index.html and http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing...ttle/wean.html as well.

JMO,

Jen

ber

· #18 · Apr 6, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnysideup
If she hasn't asked for it herself, it wouldn't make much sense to give it to her.

But, if I had 200 oz of milk (that's a huge amount!) and I wasn't going to use it for my baby, I would be happy to have it benefit another baby. Even more so if the mother was not intending to breast feed at all-- those babies need it more. While I would want to encourage this mom to bf, with her history it doesn't look like she will, so I would give her the milk with no strings attached.

I'm really leaning in the same direction as sunnysideup.

twins10705

· #19 · Apr 6, 2006

Wow, she's already 36 weeks along....and smoking so much all the time? It kinda pains me to read about women who didn't take care of themselves and were still able to carry their twins full term(not that I would wish PTL on anyone! I just wonder why I couldn't carry longer). I was in the best shape of my life, ate all organic, stayed very hydrated, went on bedrest early etc etc and ended up with a c-section at 29 weeks. blah. I would make the deal with her to at least provide a few days of colostrum before donating your older milk. I would also talk more about the no period and weight loss benefits as well as the health benefits for her daughters. I hope she decides to give bf a try and it works out. I qualify for free WIC formula too btw.

JesiLynne

· #20 · Apr 6, 2006

If she does ask for it I would write out a contract between you and her
She "actually" works and bfeeding her babies and you give her your breastmilk to "supplement". But dont hand over the whole stash at once
It's better to have at least one child ( not to mention 2) getting the benefits of a small amount of breastmilk, rather than dumping it once it has hit the 6 month mark
You both sign it
Have to witnesses sign it and get it notarized
Sounds like a lot of work, but, it will press on her a deeper commitment to maintain bfeeding
Also you should really show her some research on the cons of bfeeding while smoking and SIDS research
If nothing else she could start to smoke outside away form the babies and that will help a little.

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