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i'm in my 40s, and various married friends have been volunteering lately that sharing a bed with a middle-aged partner is no fun. They can't sleep because their husbands toss and turn, snore, hog the bed, are too hot/sweaty, whatever.

And all I can say is, yeah, I *love* having my own bed and my own bedroom all to myself (except when the kids need me, but that's different). No sweaty man hogging the bed and keeping me awake. I have sympathy for my friends and it makes me feel secretly kind of rich or blessed or something, that I get a whole queen-sized bed and five pillows all to myself every single night. Makes me think that if I *ever* re-partner (still not sure I will want to), we'll either keep separate bedrooms or maybe even separate houses.

Okay...I guess that was not about parenting, but it was about singleness! What are the other silver linings you enjoy as a single parent (or single person) that seem pretty sweet?
 

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Camping with the kids and actually enjoying camping again! Not being kept awake by snoring all night!

I hated holidays with xh because it would involve sharing close quarters, and with little kids I couldn't wear earplugs (since I couldn't trust him night parenting)...so I would never sleep well, and of course if I was anything less than Little Miss Uppity Positivity I never heard the end of it.

So yep - loving the lack of snoring, cleaner house, ability to do whatever I want to my house and yard without having to ask permission.
 

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I really liked just about everything being married to my ex until the end but one thing that has always been wonderful about single-parenting is Daddy nights & weekends when I can be completely off the clock. I didn't have that at all before XH moved out and being "on" all the time wore me out like nothing else ever has and I treasure having that alone time (though not for more than a couple of nights, their Daddy weekends are a bit too long for me now with the additional Friday night)
 

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Definitely the OFF time. I also almost never got to clock off when married.

And I love how neat and tidy my house often is, and if it's not it's MY mess to deal with and I don't resent picking things up or cleaning. I take much more pride in my space because it's under my control (that and two messy little kids).

A HUGE bed to myself.

Being able to go to sleep when I want.

Not having to listen to long accusatory talks.

Being able to sit and have coffee in the morning.

Being able to buy things I decide I want without consulting someone.

Feeling that I am actually in control of my LIFE!

So many things that are just so wonderful!!!
 

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I was just happy that I was allowed to be happy once I moved and Xh no longer had access to me or my space. My lovely apartment is one he has never set foot in, has never even knocked on my door or, hopefully, even laid eyes on my door.

With a steady serious boyfriend now, it's wonderful having him here on the weekends and it's been nice to have a couple weekends all to myself when he stayed home or went camping and DD was with her dad. I too never would ever have been off the clock if her dad hadn't moved back. Though today DD pointed out that MM helps me in a lot of ways. It was so sweet to hear her talk about him like that. She's been saying she wishes he was married to me. Lol He's just so easy on the heart. We're all happier when he's here, even the dog. Though our baseline is normally a cheerful mood, he brings a cheerful calmness that adds to it. It's getting harder to send him home when the weekend is over. Especially when we have the occasional long weekend together. Then I get really spoiled.

Though I still have no idea what it would be like to live with MM and I'm glad that's not something I have to deal with yet. Though maybe I will allow myselft to entertain the idea to get my mind off the custody stuff and still keep focused on cleaning, organizing and getting rid or stuff we don't need.
 

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I read the first part of that other thread about the mess and I definitely feel that with both XH and FG in the house. That peacefulness and cleanness and teaching dd that is something I miss. I can't keep up picking up after these guys - especially when they are home all day and I'm not. It seems backwards.

I like the free time to do things I can't do with dd. XH used to put me on the clock as soon as I got home from work including all the night parenting. He considered my off time my job.

Not having to deal with the passive aggressiveness, jealousy, drinking, and interrogations.

I like being able to toss and turn, read in bed, etc. without having to worry about bothering others. I also don't want to share my bed wit a snoring, sweaty guy. That wasn't fun.

I like being able to have/make friends. XH used to make that a nightmare - even with befriending other women.
 

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The off time is amazing. It took me over a year to start enjoying it, but now I do look forwards to it.
Not dealing with ex's slobbish behaviour, particularly his bathroom habits. I will never marry before actually living with someone. If I had lived with him before, I would not have married him. He was a dirty slob!!!

I love being able to do whatever the kids and I want to do without waiting on the ex. So many opportunities missed because he would become busy with work.

I've taken up a hobby (kayak camping) which ex would never have gone for. I've spent a couple of grand on the hobby over the last 3 years, and the kids love it. He would have hated it.


One of the best things, not dealing with his red neck parents!!! Lord, his mom took over Christmas and made everything about her!! Haven't seen her in 5 years now!! Yippeeeeeee!!!!
 

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Oh gosh, so many things I love!

Doing stuff with the kids without drama-ex would make even the simplest things so complicated and I always ended up stressed up, out, and usually angry by the time we actually did anything as a family. Now things like camping, hiking, kayaking, swimming, etc. are fun and (mostly) stress free, and I love that we get to those things.

Oh, and the fact that we can financially do those things without ex telling me we were all about to be living in the streets anytime I dared to ask about money. I am so so so far from wealthy now, but if I decide we can afford a couple of days camping or a sale on kayak rentals, then I make it work and we just enjoy it.

Being able to splurge/break the "rules" without backlash-I pretty 80/20 in regards to healthy eating, etc. (80% healthy 20% whatever). With ex, it had to be 100% or 0%-I could never bend the rules without either hearing about or him deciding that meant he could feed them junk for weeks. Now the kids know that mom isn't always the bad guy and we enjoy treats together while balancing it out the rest of the time.

Starting traditions and being able to stick with them. We did so little as a family when ex and I were together, and I was always sad that the kids didn't have more traditions, and that the few we did have were often tense and unhappy times between ex and I. Now the kids and I have our routines and traditions that we look forward to-some little ones like attending the every other week outdoor movies and getting italian ice, visiting the farmer's market weekly, bigger ones like an annual amusement park trip with my family and cutting down a christmas tree together. I love it so much that they will remember these things from their childhood!
 

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"ex would make even the simplest things so complicated"

This was so true for me too. It baffled me that the smallest thing was so hard for him and everything was made stressful. It really sucked the enjoyment out of everything.
 

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My ex snores horribly and had restless leg syndrome. I have PTSD. Definitely NOT a good combination! My bed is still and quiet and I sleep better than ever before. Not sleeping with someone so much bigger than I am has been really good for my back too. Even with a good mattress, the weight difference meant I was always sleeping on a slight incline and I really notice the difference. And the covers are always just the way I like them!

No guilt trips if every meal isn't perfect.

My mistakes are my own to deal with and live with the consequences. I no longer have someone berating and shaming me for them. Especially not while expecting support and understanding for his mistakes.

I have fewer headaches. My stomach isn't always in knots. I don't hear him wake up or come in the door and feel my chest squeezing tighter.

Taking care of myself by getting some
extra rest and putting on nice clothes and being on a good mood just means I am happy, it is not a signal for sex.

I can make friends and not get quizzed on who they are, who they are married to, what do we talk about, etc. no one tells me I shouldn't be friends with a certain person or pushes me into friendships I do t want because of the connections or money they have.

No more in laws. Seriously. His parents never liked me and always made me feel terrible and were so rude and hurtful to everyone. I do t have to deal with that any more.

My time is my own. What little money I have is my own. My body is my own.
My energy is my own.

I miss having someone to love and the good moments but sadly those good times got to be outweighed by the abuse and stress. I am grateful that I no longer live with someone who is willing to take chances with my health and life. I am allowed to value my own well being and very life without being called selfish. I no longer fear for my life or sanity just by being in my own home. If being single is the price I need to pay for that assurance, so be it.
 

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One distinct difference in me from now and when I was married is I now wear dresses. I don;t think I owned a dress between 1998 and 2010. I actually feel far more feminine and attractive even though I have gained 40#!!
 

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My situation is a little different as I am not dealing with an X but a mentally unstable son...The father of my granddaughter who I am raising...And while I miss him dearly I dont miss having to lock my bedroom door at night, the holes in the walls, driving home frozen with fear of what I would find...

I think what I am most grateful for though is knowing my L isnt being subjected to all that and is getting to grow up happy and with no fear...
 

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I never really lived with mr wonderful but since he has been out of the picture for 9 years, i love being able to make all the decisions, my decisions, ds decision with out having to argue over them.
Having the time with ds to make our own traditions. Even simple things like popcorn and movies, day after Thanksgiving shopping and feeling like we have to buy anything.

Mr wonderful may not be paying cihld support and the arrears are sky high, but the freedom has been priceless.
 

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I like being able to (gasp) maybe flirt with a man, knowing that I am not married! Cute male RN drew my blood today (medical exam for life insurance and he is doing this private practice work on the side), and it seems he is a single dad with grown kids, in a town an hour away. Well....I didn't exactly flirt, but I maintained eye contact and smiled...and it was kind of fun doing that all totally guilt free!

I meet a lot of great guys working in health care. It would be nice to date one....but they are generally already taken. sigh...
 

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AG-I like being able to flirt too! Even more so, though, I like being able to be friendly to a man without being accused of flirting or being inappropriate every time!
 

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Right now, since i currently have sole legal and sole physical i get to make ALL the decisions without a wet blanket trying to ruin everything and yes, make everything so complicated. Also, just enjoying doing what we want and knowing that no one is going to rain on the parade.
 

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Great thread, and many of those things ring true for me as well.

Something I have done the past two years: planned and carried out vacations with the kids. I get to plan where, I get to decide the schedule, and most importantly, I do not have my ex hovering around and making me feel like a gimpy loser (I *am* a bit gimpy) because I'm not constantly busy. Trips for me are more about relaxing. For him, they were always about visiting museums, ruins, etc. So now the kids can get two sides of what vacations/trips are meant to be like.
 
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