Single for a time due to military dh...

528 Views 10 Replies 6 Participants Last post by mystic~mama, Apr 13, 2006

scheelimama

Discussion Starter · Apr 11, 2006

Are there other mamas who have dh's in the military and are single mama's right now? My dh has just gotten into the army, he's halfway through BCT and has been gone for 6 weeks. We are still adjusting to life without him. We won't be back together until midway through the summer, probably sometime in July. I'm finding being a single mama very tough. I often find myself losing it over silly things. I'm trying to get more sleep, so I can be more on top of life, but that's tough when your only time alone is after the kiddos go to sleep. I don't know how I'll ever survive if dh gets deployed for a year and I'm sure he will since almost all military have been deployed at some point over the last few years. Any other mama's who are single parenting due to your dh's job?

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MsChatsAlot

· #2 · Apr 11, 2006

I'm not in your situation, but I am a single mom.

The intitial transition is the worst, because you have depended on that person for help and such and then it's just no longer there. I do understand that.

When my kids were little and sleep deprivation was still a factor, I tried to keep our lives simple. If the dishes weren't done for a few days, oh well. I took the kids outside, did fun things and tried to nurture all of us during the day so it didn't seem like a burden and felt more like fun.

I hope things get a bit easier as you adjust to his absence.

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mystic~mama

· #3 · Apr 12, 2006

scheelimama~

I've been there, what you are going thru is really hard and shakes your world up. Be gentle on yourself thru this...find activities, get a routine going (writing it out can help). Write letters and involve the kids...getting his letters in return will be nice for you all...finding new ways of connecting with him will help get you thru...a webcam is nice to have for an online chat w/him. Have you joined the military mamas thread in Finding your tribe? Pm me if you ever need someone to talk to.

blessings~~

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scheelimama

Discussion Starter · #4 · Apr 12, 2006

Part of my trouble, is that at least while he is in BCT, the only contact we have other than snail mail letters, is a once a week 10 minute phone call. The lack of conversation and support from him is so tough. I did join the military mamas thread, but was never acknowledged after posting, so I didn't go back, silly I know. Thanks for the support ladies.

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jenn s

· #5 · Apr 12, 2006

I can kind of relate. I don't have any support in terms of family here in CO.. I'm just now starting to make some friends..

((hugs)) I also know what you mean about losing it over silly things. I've done that too.. now I realize it means I need to make a little momma time for me. I've got my girls into reading to each other or watching a video (I know, I know bad momma TV **sigh** sometimes you gotta do something for you/me) so I can take a quick bath and read (in the tub) or what have you.. for me that really helps

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lilsishomemade

· #6 · Apr 12, 2006

Hi! My dh has been deployed, and is currently on such a busy schedule, he leaves before the kids wake up and doesn't get home until after they're asleep. So, while my dh is home everynight, I'm still the only one taking care of my kids, and the house, everything, since he is gone so much, he can't take care of ANYTHING around here.

You're on the right track, looking for support

I'll have to tell you, the first part is hard, but you'll get everything on a schedule. Just scale down your priorities right now, and simplifying life for everyone. Also, take time for yourself!! If you need, see if you can't find someone to take the kids for an hour or so, and run to the mall or a park, or whatever sounds nice to you. When the kids get to bed, make yourself a cup of tea and relax for a few minutes, take a nice long bath, etc.

Hey, if you need anyone to talk to privately, give me a pm...

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mystic~mama

· #7 · Apr 12, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by scheelimama
Part of my trouble, is that at least while he is in BCT, the only contact we have other than snail mail letters, is a once a week 10 minute phone call. The lack of conversation and support from him is so tough. I did join the military mamas thread, but was never acknowledged after posting, so I didn't go back, silly I know. Thanks for the support ladies.

His BCT is temporary and you should have some time together after that to look forward to...keep that in mind mama

I encourage you to try the military mamas again...I found that group very supportive.

jenn s~ I got over the guilt of having to pop in a video to maintain my sanity! tv free just isnt doable for us anymore and dd is still turning out okay

I agree that you have to find time for yourself! otherwise little things can feel much bigger.

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scheelimama

Discussion Starter · #8 · Apr 13, 2006

Thanks mamas for all the support. You are right mysticmama that his BCT is temporary, but they are sending him to his next training site right away without even one night together for us. So, even though it's only 28 days until I get to visit him for his BCT graduation, in reality, we are probably 3 months out from getting to live together again. Part of my problem is that I've been escaping by visiting family every 2 weeks or so for a few days and I just haven't had time to get us on a good schedule and adjust to life by ourselves, kwim. I just need to stay home with out any nights away from home for awhile.

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churchofdisco

· #9 · Apr 13, 2006

my hubby is in the military. but we didn't have kids when he went through basic and AIT training, however- we now how two sons that are only 12 months apart and he is deploying this summer for 9 months. i have no problem telling you that i am FREAKING OUT at the idea of being on my own with two so small for that long. i just had them for 3 days and 2 nights by myself while he was doing field training and i thought i would lose my mind. i have a pretty good support group here of other military mommas, but i plan on going home for the first month or so. i've never been through more than two weeks of being a momma alone, so i really don't have any suggestions, but i just thought i'd let you know that i'm out here.

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scheelimama

Discussion Starter · #10 · Apr 13, 2006

Kristin, I was very freaked out by the idea of being alone for so long as well, but it is getting easier. I find bedtime is the biggest struggle for me. Yours are so little still. Mine are little too, but not as tiny as yours, and it's a struggle, but I'm adjusting. Going home for awhile sounds like a good idea. I stayed with my parents for a week after dh left and then my mom came and stayed with me for a week. It made the transition a little easier, but it just takes awhile to settle into a new routine. Keeping daddy alive in their little minds is tough too. They forget things so quickly when they are young. I'm nervous that my 17 month old won't take to daddy very quickly once we are reunited again. It will have been 5-6 months by then that we will have been living apart with limited contact. You'll make it. Just don't be afraid to ask for support. And thanks for the sympathy. Really, all I want is to know there are others out there in the same boat as me who can sympathize.

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mystic~mama

· #11 · Apr 13, 2006

dd was 16 months when her daddy left for basic...we flew out to S.C for his graduation and then saw him a few months later after AIT for 2 weeks...he recieved his orders during AIT w/a unit that was deploying a few months later for a year. We had another two weeks together when he came home for R&R and then about 6 months later he redeployed and has been back at his PDS for a year now and there is talk of another deployment at the end of the year. So in our experience, we went nearly two years being unable to live together, ...it is our choice at this point. He was not a huge help in parenting while he was home but the fact that he was there was something and for me, the stress of the father of my child being in a war zone was the worst part on top of the confusion I had about my relationship with him. One point I have been meaning to get to is that dd has always been happy and in daddy's arms quickly when he has come home despite all the time apart.

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