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Is there anybody else here in the same boat as me, feeling like you take care of everbody and nobody takes care of you?

The holidays really brought me down, this year... I always have this idealized vision of how things should be, and of course it never works out that way. I really miss having a "real family". I hate having to share my girls. Life really isn't shaping up the way I expected.

My last relationship was very abusive. I know that having children, and needing to protect them, should have made me more resistant to keeping a jerk around, but it seemed to do the opposite. I was so upset about the prospect of being alone again, this time with TWO children, that I hung on to DD 2's father even though it was getting worse and worse.
I was such a bold, adventurous young girl once... what happened to me?

I want adult company, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold. I know I'll have all of that again, some day, but just thinking about finding someone new fills me with dread. What kind of guy wants to take on 2 children? especially when one of them is a baby? And how do you ever trust again after being hurt so badly that you felt like you couldn't go on? It'll be some time before I'm ready to try again. In the meanwhile, I do have a good family and great friends, but people have their own lives to live. And I have mine.
Half the time I feel like a machine. I perform my task and get things done. I'm the Mommymatic2004. I wipe butts, brush hair, go to the store, drop this off, pick that up, and try to get enough sleep.
I'm glad to be free of a poisonous relationship, believe me. But at least I got the comfort of denial! Now all I have is this big cold slice of reality, and reality really stinks, sometimes.
At the same time I feel like a creep for getting so down when I have 2 beautiful, healthy girls, but there you are.
Am I the only worn-out, torn-down, nothing-but-a-mommy, here?
 

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to you! I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but I'm glad you've left an abusive relationship behind. I can't really say I know how you feel, as I am not a single mama and can't imagine how hard it would be. But I do know what it's like to be lonely and feel like you're a mamabot,
. Just try to focus on yourself and your DCs!

Also if this isn't moved, you'd probably get more responses from the single mamas forum.
 

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LongLiveLife I just wanted to chime in with a great big
to you! I am a single mama with a new babe, 13 weeks, and it is amazingly difficult. I can't imagine having more than one little one in the house to look after on my own!

It was a hard Christmas for me as well. Everytime I went out to shop or do anything I saw so many traditional families out together and I ached to have the same.

I also find myself feeling as if I'm just on auto pilot. Nurse, sleep, eat, bathe, and do it all over again...I don't get much down time and that is even harder on me. I'm so thankful I have an easy babe who nurses well and sleeps well- it's a HUGE blessing.

Just know that there are other mamas in your same shoes! Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk/vent more!
 

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i feel your pain...r.e. the pressure and amount of work it is being a single momma, r.e. the poisonous relatioships, the holidays, the whole bit...i think just knowing that you are doing the best you can by your dc is what keeps you going...i agree that you should check out the single mom's forum...and especially read their list "things i love about being a single mom"...it's VERY inspiring!...and a little funny for you: you say you got down seeing all the 'traditional' families at the mall...well, when dd was born, i was still trying very hard to work it out with her dad and one thing we did alot was go to the mall...b/c it was air conditioned...and he just loved to push her stroller around (must be a man loves machine type thing)...we would fight b/c i wanted her in the sling and he wanted her in the stroller...so we'd take turns....anyway, the whole time he was pushing her i'd watch people looking at him like "isn't that cool, a dad taking part in child rearing"...and i totally wanted to slap a sign on his back saying "i'm really not involved, i'm just pretending!"...so maybe all those "great" families you see in the mall aren't all that
 
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