[keelyandlanie]

Hello I a 25 year old new mom to a 14 month old. But she acts like she is 3 years old. She is very very smart for her age. But we are going through the stage that we are getting into everything in site. I tell her know and take her away from the stuff that she is not to be in I have tried time out. But should I do. I am at my last nerve. I think that I have played and enjoyed her company way too much. I amnot sure what I am doing wrong. This is not what I pictured raising my baby like. I am going crazy. I am lost in a world that I will never get out of. What should I do. I am really scared that I will snap.

 

[keelyandlanie]

You let me know when you think a person goes to far by emailing me
[email protected]

 

[mistymama]

I couldn't vote cry because sometimes (or often) my little boy will cry when I tell him no just because he's frustrated or does not want to do what I'm asking of him.

I do not believe in yelling or spanking, so IMO, both of those are going to far.

Have you visited the Gentle Discipline boards? Lots of great suggestions there for ways to deal with behaviors in a positive manner.

We all get frustrated and overwhelmed from time to time, and as single Moms we rarely get a break.

Let me also say that what your child is doing is totally normal and age-appropriate for 14 months old ... it's her job to explore her world and test your boundries.

 

[Bluegrass]

Hang in there, mama. I can remember times like that when I was a single mom. I think the toddler years are the most challenging to any mom, but especially when you're single. Is there anyone who can keep your dd a couple of hours once or more a week? You definitely need time apart so you can get refreshed and have "me" time.
Good luck, and you can always come here for support.

 

[Dragonfly]

I couldn't answer your poll either, as I'm comfortable with my child crying sometimes (thank goodness - he's a drama king, so spending my life trying to keep him from crying would be a fruitless effort). I also believe that both hitting and yelling are going too far.

I know I've gone too far when the look in my child's eyes tells me so or when he shuts down to me and turns away.

Definitely check out the Gentle Discipline forum. Also, try to find a way to center yourself, whether it's getting up a few minutes early to meditate or just coming up with a self-check system that you can use when you feel things getting out of control. (One thing I do now is stop, close my eyes, and breathe very deeply through my nose. It helps me to calm and it helps my son to realize that I'm reaching my breaking point). It's especially important for us single moms, IMO, to have a way to process our feelings before reacting because we don't get much time to work things out for ourselves when our children aren't there.

As for your daughter: It's extremely important to remember that intelligence and emotional development are two completely separate things. My son is quite smart, as well (at least I think so :LOL), and I fell into the habit of expecting his emotional development to match his intelligence. It just doesn't. Expecting as much will lead you to reach your breaking point much faster.

Check your expectations. Be patient. She may be doing things that older children can do, but she's still going to act and react like a 14-month-old. She's not trying to make you crazy, she just doesn't have impulse control. Repeat that over and over to yourself.

If you're interested in reading any books, let me know and I'll be happy to give you some titles that you can probably find at your library. (Reading books that remind me of my goals in parenting and remind me what age appropriate behavior is always helps me to re-center.)

Meanwhile, if you have anyone who you can trust to care for your daughter for a short period, definitely try to get some time to yourself. If you have a stroller, too, maybe plop her in and get out for a walk. This saved my sanity countless times when ds was very small.

 

[mocha09]

What do you mean by getting into everything? My dd is now 23 months, and by the time she could walk, I had babyproofed the entire house. I know some people would rather not babyproof, and teach "boundaries" instead, but I wanted her to feel free to explore.

14 months old are supposed to get into everything...that's how they learn. When my daughter gets into something that I don't want her getting into, I redirect her to something else. I hand her another toy to play with, or take her somewhere else.

It's very hard to parent without losing your cool. I think we've all lost it once in a while.

 

[Holland73]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dragonfly I couldn't answer your poll either, as I'm comfortable with my child crying sometimes (thank goodness - he's a drama king, so spending my life trying to keep him from crying would be a fruitless effort).

I think are boys are kindred spirits because ds is also a complete drama king...to the point where I have to stop/hide myself from laughing!

Heck, even redirecting can cause, at times, a fit of screams.

All of this behavior is completely normal. Mocha's suggestions of babyproofing is what saved me. There was NOTHING in my living room that ds could not touch or play with. Makes life a lot easier for both of you.

Having been a single mama for the past 17 months by myself and without a support system, I often would leave the house (with him, of course

) when I was at my wit's end. We would take a walk, in the rain, snow and once even in the hail, around the neighborhood.

It really sounds like you need a break. Is there no one that you can leave her with so you can just soak in the bath for 30 minutes or just take a nap?

Hang in there!

 

[mistymama]

Holland, I second the suggesting about getting OUT of the house, even it it's going for a walk or something.

That's saved me many times when my ds was driving me nuts!

 

[boston]

I couldnt, for the life of me, understand what your poll was asking or what you meant by your post. so I didn't vote. but I wish you luck.

 

[MamaAllNatural]

I didn't quite understand the poll either. I wanted to say, though, that your daughter is not like a three year old if she's getting into everything. She's like a 14 month old. She is just a baby and she is doing what she is normally designed to do. 14 months old is way too young for any form of discipline. Baby proof as much as you can. Rearrange things so it is a "yes" enviornment. I know it's hard but this age just requires a very active mother. I know how tiring it can be but this comes with the territory. I do wish more parenting books would warn mothers about how difficult life with a one year old can be. They focus on the "terrible twos" but I have found the twos are not the most challenging of the ages.

I agree that you should check out the gentle discipline forum. Also, I'm wondering if you have some unresolved abuse issues? Wanting to snap and hit a 14 month old is kind of raising some red flags for me. Maybe some anger management classes would help or even just some parenting classes.

Just try to remember everything she's doing is normal. It's normal for her to explore and go through everything. It's normal for her to thrash and scream when you take away something she wanted. This is what all mothers experience with their babies. So you are not alone. I had a lot of jobs that many people considered difficult, stressful and challenging before I had children. Mothering, by far, is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I do think that after the (for the most part) easy baby days, the 1 year old comes as quite a shock to the first time mama. So, I just want you to know I do hear your sadness at not realizing how difficult this would be and your sadness at how hard it's been for you to deal with.