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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I volunteer at a local nursing home 3 days a week. This one Elder that I've come to love like my own family is doing pretty bad lately. His own kids & grandkids are "too Busy" to visit him and this adds to the pain. I want to bring my son Taylor in to visit for a little. Elijah is too little and with his machines just not allowed and I'm fine with that. But James would really love to spend an afternoon with Taylor, and I'm sure Taylor would enjoy it too since he's always making him pictures & cards for him.

So I ask the lady who is in charge of all of that if I could bring Taylor in. She said immediately "That would be such a wonderful idea." Then says "Just have your wife call us with when she would like to set up this visit." So I tell her, I'm not married. She apologizes and says "have your son's mom." So I get a little annoyed but over-look it and tell her that it's just me that takes care of my boys, so I will call it in. At this point she looks shocked and says "oh". She then tells me she'll be right back. So I'm waiting, there a lil peeved but keeping it cool because i really want james and taylor to visit. She comes back all snotty, and says "I'm sorry, it seems your son is too young to come here to visit with him, "MAYBE" when he's older."

I got pissed, there's no way you're going to tell me he's too young when Jame's one room-mate has his 1 year old grandson visiting every weekend. My son is 2 years old, so how is he too young. I immediately questioned her, she told me that it was just the rules and that I need to leave before I cause a scene. Fearing she'd have me kicked out, and then I couldn't even visit James, I walked away peacefully. I said Goodbye to James and left.

I don't know why her story changed after she found out I was a single parent, or was it cause I was just a guy? My son is well-behaved and rather quiet around new people. It's not like I'd let him run loose in the home. I know Taylor would treat him like his great-grandfather when he was yet around. Tomorrow I plan to phone/visit her supervisor or someone else higher up and see what that was about, and see if Tay can visit him after all.

Has anyone else ever experienced such treatment from being a single parent?
 

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That is sad. I've never really felt like anyone mistreated me because I was a single mom (well maybe at the WIC and Medicaid offices). Most people just seemed to be uncomfortable with the subject and didn't bring it up. I felt uncomfortable because I wanted to be clear that I did not want sympathy. When people would say "I'm sorry" I would reply "Don't be sorry, it's a good thing"

Back to the OP, did you ask why the lady did not want you bringing him in? I like to call people out on things like that. Ask why it was ok when she assumed mom would be bringing him in but not when you were bringing him in. It's sad because it sounds like everyone would benefit from your son coming in. I remember how happy everyone was when I brought my son to visit my grandmother at her nursing home. It brings back happy memories for most people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I was going to ask her that but as pissed off as i was I knew it was better to leave and speak to someone else about it.
 

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people are so full of stupid prejudice. It has happened to me , the having-a-fine-conversation-with-a-stranger, then said stranger acknowledges i'm a single mom, followed by that "oh", and the energy changes completely. It's so sad. I'm sorry this happened to you, Hobbes. I would talk to someone, too. I agree with Jillian in calling people out on stuff like that.

Hugs
 

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Yuck! How frustrating!

Fortunately, I haven't had TOO many blatant biases thrown at me - but I have had a few here or there, mostly when I was pregnant. (Don't get me started on that; I still haven't forgiven one of my co-workers for saying I needed to give my unborn child up for adoption to a good christian family...
: )

Now when someone asks me about my "husband" I just laugh and say I didn't get in on the buy one get one free sale or say one of those didn't come with the package deal.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mama40
Er...no offense, but something sounds a little funny here.
What do you mean by that?

Hobbes, I'm so sorry you were treated like that! I totally understand how the energy in a conversation can change when whomever you're talking to discovers you're a single parent. Been there, done that.
Let us know what you find out after speaking to a supervisor.
 

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I haven't had people treat me differently (as far as I know) when they find out that I am a single parent.
But I have had people treat me different when they find out I am single, never married instead of divorced.
Plus on several occasions I have had people ask too many questions and when they find out that dd's dad
isn't a part of our lives any longer they can get really odd with me.

This happened with another parent at school. Which is a school run by our church. This Mom had invited
dd to play at their home several times and the girls were becoming pretty good friends. I had explained that
I don't usually invited dd's friends to our home because of my Mother's illness and that I was afraid that it could
scare a child not used to my Mom's condition. She asked me about living at my parents house and it came
up that I had not married dd's dad. She looked at me odd, but I thought that was just shock, or confusion. She
never wanted to chat with me after that day. Dd was never invited back to play at their house. I am not really
sure what changed. It makes me sad.

It leads me sometimes to want to give more information than I am comfortable with because I want to explain
myself, but I don't. It's their judgement. If they were my "close" friend they would know that dd's dad was semi
involved until she was 4. That she knows who he is. That she is still very close with his brother's/sister and
her grandparents. They would know that the only thing that kept me from marrying him is his sobriety, and that
I loved him very much. This isn't their business, and if they want to judge me for it, that's their business too.

Hobbes I am sorry this happened to you. There is no excuse. It simply sucks.
 

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sorry that happened to you. that is definitly weird. maybe you could call and talk with a supervisor?

personally I get a lot of pity as a single parent. it sucks
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I spoke with a supervisor today and he apologized for her behavior. We set up a date that Tay and I could visit with him, he also said that if we have time he'd like if Tay could visit with a few others there that have gotten abandoned by kids and grandkids who can't find "time." I was pleased with the way he handled the issue, he said he would speak to her, but we both knew telling someone not to say something like that doesn't change how they feel.
 

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Based on your thread it sounds like it was more of an issue of you being a single Dad, than a single parent. I do think their are some bias against single dad's. Especially when kids are younger. I think people are geared toward viewing the mom as the primary caregiver, and that the dad must be a masher if he is caring for the children.

I would really be interested in what the supervisor has to say.
 

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have had a good bit of subtle and blatant prejudice over here in Virginia. recommendations that she be adopted by a nice christian couple. recommendations not to breast feed as it would create too much of an attachment. assumptions about my morals and values. And of course the criticism about "professionalism" and "committment" in my work life. I have definitely finally found a more supportive community with homeschoolers who are either fundamental type christian or else(thank heaven) too busy being whoever they are to make judgements about others.
 
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