Mothering Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
445 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
To those of you who had a singleton before your twins...

Do you worry that you dont' spend as much time reading, teaching, etc. with your twins that you did with your singleton? I KNOW better than comparing what I did with one to what I do with these two, but I can't stop myself! I keep thinking that how by this age, my singleton was used to pointing out pictures in a book, skillfully doing a shape sorter, completing peg puzzles.

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT trying to raise uber babies or geniuses. It's just that I had time to sit on the floor with my singleton and guide her a little more with her activities. With the twins, I feel like the roam the house, emptying out the cupboards and strewing toys all about without really playing with any of them.
:

How do I assuage my guilt over this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,287 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by BaileyBunch
To those of you who had a singleton before your twins...

I KNOW better than comparing what I did with one to what I do with these two, but I can't stop myself! I keep thinking that how by this age, my singleton was used to pointing out pictures in a book, skillfully doing a shape sorter, completing peg puzzles.

How do I assuage my guilt over this?
We all know that we shouldn't compare, but wow it is hard


My "twins" are a little bit different. I raised my bio son until 19 months and then I adopted a little girl a few months older. I often feel that parenting one child was all about nutruing, love, compassion, education, etc. Parenting two children of the same age is a logic problem. How do I get both kids in the car without leaving one alone to do something devious? How do I get both kids in and out of the farmer's market without one running away to pet the cows?

I often feel guilty. My daughter had been a foster child and needs one on one attention to get her to appropriate age level. My son had gotten all of the attention he wanted. Now neither of them is really getting what they need. I try to remind myself that being a twin *is* something. They gain something from being a twin. Single children don't get that, and we rarely feel guilty thinking "I am so sad I only had one child. He is really missing out on the bond that twins have."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
248 Posts
There is automatically a difference between being a mom of one and a mom of two. I still ask myself that question about my older two dds. It just comes from being busier and doing what you need to do to survive. Then there comes the classic first-born over achiever/second born rebel stereotype. I know dd#1 could get into her carseat and buckle her seatbelt by the time she was 4. DD #2 refuses to do so. My twins came 3rd, so I know they don't get the kind of attention that even #2 did, but I know they feel loved and they are not developmentally behind at all. I know if I were trying to treat them all like they were only children it would make me crazy, and I'd feel more guilty about that. I figure that they were the ones who decided they had to come together, so this is part of the deal. We're a family and we work together and do what we can to all live together peacefully.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
I think that's just a natural feeling whether your second (and/or third) child is a singleton or a twin. With one child, you can devote all your time to him or her. Once another one (or two) comes along, it just isn't possible to spend as much one on one time with them.

I know when my older boy was a baby, I read to him all the time, and carried him constantly and held him for all his naps. With my twins (plus a now 2 year old), I am lucky if I am just keeping bellies full and diapers clean! But babies pick up just as much from observing the world around them as they do with one-on-one playing and attention. I know my twins sure have a lot more activity going on at all times in the house to observe and learn from than my older boy did at their age!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
445 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by eek909
I know my twins sure have a lot more activity going on at all times in the house to observe and learn from than my older boy did at their age!
What a GREAT point! This is what I was looking for!

Thanks folks for letting me know I'm not the only one who struggles with these feelings from time to time. This board is the BEST!
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top