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Discussion Starter #1
Background: my Sister and I are close friends who have always turned to each other to vent to.<br>
We're 3.5 yrs apart. She lives in our small home town, I live overseas. We both have children.<br>
We have very different personalities although both extraverts.<br>
Historically she has been the more outspoken, aggressive one and I the more diplomatic, people-pleasing one.<br>
Our beloved Mother died 4 yrs ago this summer aged 56.<br>
Prior to Mum's death my Sis had a difficult relationship with my Dad - both snappy, shortfused people basically. He and I always got on just fine.<br>
Dad lives 2 miles from my Sister and she has looked out for him alot since Mum died and they have become closer which is lovely.<br><br>
Here's my issue...<br><br>
If my Sister criticises Dad (or anyone really), I listen sympathetically and always take her side during the conversation as a show of support.<br><br>
When she recently had her DD2 and expressed that Dad wasn't doing anything to help out (and she had little support around), I gently spoke to him without being critical and suggested what he could do.<br><br>
Sis was delighted when Dad started collecting her DD1 from school on his day off every 2nd Friday and taking her for an ice-cream or walk.<br>
She knew I'd suggested that very thing and we privately giggled about it.<br><br>
The way I see it is that I am a supportive Sister. I listen without judgement when she complains and try to give constructive help where I can.<br>
I know she would like me to move home too but my life and DH's work is elsewhere for now.<br><br><b>BUT</b> if I criticise my Dad even about something minor, she defends him and makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable.<br>
This has been happening for about a year and it's getting me down because it feels like she has me as a sounding board but it's not a 2 way street.<br><br>
I wonder if she feels a new loyalty toward him because after Mum died she felt responsible for Dad. I stayed with Dad for 3 months after her passing to organise their affairs and then went back to my life overseas.<br><br>
I know that I need to talk to her about this because I'm going to be giving birth to my #2 back home this summer. I'll be living with my Dad and seeing Sis most days for 3.5 mos.<br>
I hate confrontation of any sort and she is not a person who is easy to disagree with.<br><br>
Argh!! Thanks for reading this far!<br>
Any advice/experience with your own Sister????
 

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Honestly it just sounds like you are two different people. For some people, it's a natural instinct to defend someone being criticized, even if the criticism is warranted. I'm pretty sure I've crossed that like myself. Others would rather just sympathize and not rock the boat. It may just be that you need to find someone else to talk about these things with.<br><br>
My experience is that I have found it difficult to avoid standing up for someone (even some I really don't like) when someone criticizes them and I don't think that all information is being considered.<br><br>
I would probably start by explaining to your sister what exactly you're looking for when you have something to say against you dad. Sort of like "I really do love dad, I just really need to vent sometimes and your my sister and my friend so I really just hope you can be a little more sympathetic about it sometimes."
 

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Discussion Starter #3
That's a great perspective on it. Thanks!<br>
Sis would say/does say that I am too sensitive. And I am. Just as she can be insensitive. Hence why this upsets me and she isn't aware it happens!!
 

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If she realizes she can sometimes be insensitive, maybe you can work out a code phrase or something. Just someway to say that you just need someone to listen before you start talking.
 
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