or mainly, a skeptical mother in law! How do you all deal with the questions/concerns from family? I am pretty sure my mother in law thinks we're crazy, though she's keeping it to herself. She always sounds very *concerned* about our plans to homeschool(unschool, eclectic, however we end up being). With the holidays coming up, I know we'll be seeing family more, and I'd like some things to say that can help them understand why this is a great choice. I think she still thinks we will change our mind (example, I have two nephews, 6 & 4, and I will probably be watching them during the day when my older sister is in college, when I told my MIL this she said "oh, since they are in regular school, will you be sending Tyler now?" I was surprised! We put more thought into our decision than to change our minds just like that!)
Skeptical Grandparents
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Our family is not very vocal about their concerns. I think the only conversation I've had was with my MIL who felt that school-type socialization was important. My opinion on that subject is pretty much the same as this writer's: http://home.earthlink.net/~eaglefalc.../edsocial.html
I think that if they were constantly making comments about it I'd just say "I'd love to talk about this with you, but it would help if you could give me specific questions. Maybe you'd like to write them down and I could get some detailed responses back to you. Also, I would be happy to share with you a list of books and articles that would clarify the benefits of homeschooling to you. If you are really interested in spending some time learning about why we're doing this, that's great!, but if you don't want to make that effort, I have to ask that you please stop the negative comments."
I think that if they were constantly making comments about it I'd just say "I'd love to talk about this with you, but it would help if you could give me specific questions. Maybe you'd like to write them down and I could get some detailed responses back to you. Also, I would be happy to share with you a list of books and articles that would clarify the benefits of homeschooling to you. If you are really interested in spending some time learning about why we're doing this, that's great!, but if you don't want to make that effort, I have to ask that you please stop the negative comments."
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Honestly IME most of the negative stuff my mom slings at me is because she just can't fathom anyone doing things outside the box. She is more concerned with dances, boyfriends and "socialization" than she is the kid getting a good education. And I think part of it is ego. What your not doing what they did?? What will they tell their firends? Especially for unschoolers where you don't focus on grades, attendance awards, honor roll and the school play. They have little to share with the other grandparents they know. No picture of the grandkids at the school carnival, the Christmas play or the spelling bee.
She has learned the hard way to just keep it to herself most of the time, but we have been doing this for a long time now. She has always bugged me about high school some how it's a sacred cow to her.
Anyway, I just make it clear that the kids are fine, and that while I can understand they are concerned they had their chance to be parents and that is overwith. I'm the parent in this case.
After about 9 years of doing this my mom still brings it up once in awhile. Thank the Gods my MIL is completely uninvolved in our lives.
She has learned the hard way to just keep it to herself most of the time, but we have been doing this for a long time now. She has always bugged me about high school some how it's a sacred cow to her.
Anyway, I just make it clear that the kids are fine, and that while I can understand they are concerned they had their chance to be parents and that is overwith. I'm the parent in this case.
After about 9 years of doing this my mom still brings it up once in awhile. Thank the Gods my MIL is completely uninvolved in our lives.
I suggest you make very clear that the ones who take decisons are you and your husband. Of course would be very nice to explain them everything but don't try to change their minds... time will let them see how good your kids are doing. Also don't mind too much about any comments from them regarding your educational ideas, if you are 100% sure about what you are doing, go for it and be happy
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I hope I read what I wrote when my dd was born... now I have lots of problems with my ILs who want to judge and change every decision about her education. If I mention any books they just say "people had babies before writing books... we are the experts", and if I mention a pediatritian advice (for example, not introducing cereal to a 6 weeks old baby) they say: "Pediatritians don't know anything, they just read a book and that's it, follow us".... Aaagggghhh
Good luck!
I hope I read what I wrote when my dd was born... now I have lots of problems with my ILs who want to judge and change every decision about her education. If I mention any books they just say "people had babies before writing books... we are the experts", and if I mention a pediatritian advice (for example, not introducing cereal to a 6 weeks old baby) they say: "Pediatritians don't know anything, they just read a book and that's it, follow us".... Aaagggghhh
Good luck!
My MIL was a school administrator & realized (though she never verbalized this) how messed up schools are because she has been totally supportive of our decision. Tell those concerned about so called socialization thta children learn far more bad behavior at school than good behavior. Also, someone (I can't remember who right now) did a study that said something to the effect that children who are clumped together by age have no one to give good advice if things are on the wrong track. They need different age levels to learn proper respnses to situations.
Before we began unschooling I wrote a letter to all of our family. This was in the days before email so it seemed kind of formal. I think it would work better now. I explained our reasons for choosing to educate our children at home and said that if we ever felt that they would be better educated at school we would send them. (We knew we would never feel that way, but wanted them to know that we really did have our children's best interest in mind.) This answered most of the questions before they came up and in a non-confrontational way. 15 years later we still get some flack now and again, but I just point to how well my "graduates" are doing.
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When answereing family I try to understand where they are coming from. My mil was concerned with academics so we made a point of telling her how we felt we could do a better job than a teacher with 20 or 30 children in a classroom. Through the years we would share academic, musical and theatrical accomplishments with her. This helps her to have some "bragging" material to share with her friends. My family was concerned about socialization so I stressed all the social oppertunities my children had outside of school (such as soccer,4-H, gymnastics, church and homeschool groups, etc.) and how well they interact with people of all ages. I think they still think we are "wierd" but they are impressed with the maturity and responsibility of our kids.
My advise is to not get defensive but be positive and upbeat about your decision. Dropping the names of books and authors you have read can be helpful in showing them that this is an educated decision even if it isn't a choice they would make.
Good luck.
When answereing family I try to understand where they are coming from. My mil was concerned with academics so we made a point of telling her how we felt we could do a better job than a teacher with 20 or 30 children in a classroom. Through the years we would share academic, musical and theatrical accomplishments with her. This helps her to have some "bragging" material to share with her friends. My family was concerned about socialization so I stressed all the social oppertunities my children had outside of school (such as soccer,4-H, gymnastics, church and homeschool groups, etc.) and how well they interact with people of all ages. I think they still think we are "wierd" but they are impressed with the maturity and responsibility of our kids.
My advise is to not get defensive but be positive and upbeat about your decision. Dropping the names of books and authors you have read can be helpful in showing them that this is an educated decision even if it isn't a choice they would make.
Good luck.
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We have had to deal with a lot of the common questions and concerns from our families over the last 2 years. But we have done our research and gave then clear reasons to why we decided to pull dd out of 2nd grade and school her at home. BUT we still get flack occationally from people... my dad occationally trys to quiz dd about one thing or another. She finally told him.. "Would be asking me these questions if I was in school?"
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(I was so proud!) Anyway not everyone will understand no matter what you do or say. I really try hard to be pleasant and not get pissy and crabby, because then they think I am being "defensive" and maybe we didn't make the right choice. (It has happened before to us!
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In the end you are doing what is best for your child and they can just suck eggs!
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(LOL JK)
H
In the end you are doing what is best for your child and they can just suck eggs!
H
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People have had good suggestions already. Also here's a link for a book you could give them call "when your grandchildren homeschool." It put out by the California Homeschool Network, but I 'm sure it would apply to everyone.
http://www.californiahomeschool.net/...=grand#display
http://www.californiahomeschool.net/...=grand#display
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