small vent, or, "What NOT to say to someone planning a homebirth"

to you!!!

I think one of the big things is that most people don't realize that with a healthy pregnancy, home can be the SAFEST place to birth and that midwives are trained to handle emergencies.

My grandmother has questioned me about my sanity / the safety of homebirth. She had no idea that CNMs carry oxygen with them as well as medications, can write prescriptions, and are usually MORE highly trained than OB/GYNs. Every time I see her she has more questions.

My mom, a couple years ago, made a comment that if I chose to have a homebirth there was NO WAY she would be there. After reading through lots of info I gave her on homebirth she's come around and will be attending the birth. I did mention to everyone invited to the birth that I will kick out anyone I get a negative vibe from!

Strangers always raise their eyebrows and look at me like I'm crazy ... or make one comment or another. I usually just smile big and say, "Oh, I wouldn't think of having my baby anywhere else...home is the safest place I could possibly give birth!" and to those who claim I'm being irresponsible, I might continue with something like, "You should read about all the horrible things that could happen in a hospital - and just think of all the things the baby or myself could catch from being in such an environment! I've read too many studies saying that home is safest to consider doing anything else unless there's an emergency." I am armed with info and can respond to most questions that people have about homebirth safety. I actually don't mind people making comments...maybe I can educate them a little. Plus, in answering their comments (no matter how nasty), I'm reaffirming my belief in homebirth, in my body's ability to birth, and convincing myself even further that I've made the right choice.

Wishing you a peaceful, gentle birth!

Thanks for the supportive posts, mamas.

I never feel like getting into it with most people - generally I feel like it's a waste of time, so I mostly just smile and shrug and change the subject. I really should use the opportunity to advocate for homebirths but I guess I figure I'm not going to change most people's minds so why bother, let them think what they want. The exception to this is people I care about and am close to, like my Mom, who I have had extensive conversations with about homebirth and I *thought* was onboard with the idea. I was really surprised to hear her say she was worried about it. But I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and just assume it's a "Mom thing".

I did have a really cool encounter a few weeks ago at the grocery store, though - the checkout girl asked me where I was delivering and when I told her at home, her eyes got kind of big but before she could say anything, the woman in front of me jumped in and said, "That's great! I had my last baby at home, after two cesareans! What a wonderful, empowering experience!" I could have kissed her, we ended up talking about birth and babies for 15 minutes, lol.

I usually respond to the "You are so brave to have a homebirth" by saying, "Really? I think women who have their babies in the hospital are brave!" (I had a hospital birth with my first, so I can speak from experience.) If they ask why or are curious why I feel that way, I share with them the risks of hospital birth. I tell them that it is true that there is a small risk that something could go wrong during a homebirth, but an experienced and well-trained Midwife will see red flags in advance and you will have time to transfer to the hospital. The risks of a hospital birth are (in my opinion) much greater.... longer, harder labor (for countless reasons, including giving birth in front of strangers, in a cold, unrelaxed environment); unneccessary interventions; higher risk of c-section; higher probability of medicated birth for mom and baby (not as safe as natural birth); risk of infections; the list goes on and on....

It is crazy to me that people think homebirth is "crazy" or "risky". I hope that we see a paradigm shift in our lifetime and that homebirth becomes a more accepted option. The medical establishment has screwed up childbirth.... It has taken away a sacred, rite of passage for women and turned it into a scary, medicalized procedure that happens to women. And most of our society is convinced that we need this medical establishment to save the lives of moms and babies! Why can't we just trust women to listen to their bodies and birth their babies the way they were meant to???

Kim

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You are right, it is hard sometimes to know what and when to say or not say something. A relative of mine is due about a week or two before I am and excitedly told me a while back how well she liked her doctor and how great everything was going. I just didn't have the heart to tell her how much I would like to break that "great" doctor's arm (same one that cut up my crotch during first delivery)! I mean, she's not into natural/alternative stuff and wants to deliver in the same hospital as her mom did, etc, etc...would it have really been to anyone's benefit to say anything? Most likely not. I agree with the OP, people should keep their comments to themselves for the most part when someone has clearly made up their mind.

I think that sometimes people feel the need to say something, because, well, it's culturally expected. They aren't necessarily trying to offend you. In fact, they probably think the quotes in the OP are fairly neutral, and NON-offensive. Particularly if they are having a strong emotional reaction. Read those lines as, "I'm afraid of giving birth naturally." They don't want to encourage you, by saying something like "good luck" or "that's great"- maybe because they see what you are doing as folly, maybe because of their own hang ups about birth in general, or their own birth experiences. They don't want to ask questions because they really aren't interested in hearing the answers, for whatever reason. And they don't want to just blurt out "I think you are a stupid git who is endangering your life, and your baby's life", followed by all of the horrible things that will happen to you and the baby (though some people feel free to just launch full scale into the assualt, friend or stranger- those are the ones, IME, that are SO terrified of birth, they just can't see straight).

So they try to be political. It doesn't really help though, does it? :LOL

On an ironic side note, I find myself behaving much the same way, when I see or hear about someone doing something that causes me to scream inside my own head: "OMG! Is there ANYTHING between their ears?!?!?!"

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Believe me, I do not go around advertising it. I only tell people I am having a homebirth when they ask me flat out where I will be delivering the baby, as in what hospital. I guess I could lie. But I don't like to lie in general and who knows, maybe one day I will run across that one person who thinks, "Hey, that's cool, I never considered that as an option" and maybe someday she will have her own homebirth.

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They might as well say this, because that's how I take it! I'm probably overreacting a little.