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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I admit it-I've been lurking and snooping. But after I found this thread, I couldn't help myself!

Im due with our first (my first, dh's 3rd) in October and for quite a long time now, have wanted to have this baby at home, by myself, period. I don't want to go to the hospital, I don't want a doctor, I just want me and my baby-that's it. DH would freak out-and I don't mean a little-if he knew this-he vaporlocked at the thought of a midwife-because being pregnant means you're sick (but not so sick that you can't continue to do all the dishes/cooking/laundary/baby prep stuff/working full time
).

So, I'm planning on having this baby (I hope he cooperates) at home, by myself-you know, oops! I was thinking about using Hypnobirthing-anyone have any comments about that? Anyone have any thoughts on "sneaky" UC? I am so happy to have found this board that I can't stand it-I thought I was "alone in my madness"!

Any help/suggestions would be welcome!

Thank you!
 

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No suggestions here, but I've seen some Mamas talking about a 'sneaky' UC

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to MDC, from another north Idaho Mommy
 

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I admit I had sneaky almost-uc with my dd#2 born in march, and everything turned out great. I had always wanted to be alone, but my dh couldn't fathom it so we compromised on a midwife and homebirth for dd#1. (Actually, it was very difficult to convince him about the midwife, he was very scared about the whole thing.) I am glad I didn't have a uc the first time because I was overconfident, I didn't prepare enough emotionally and I panicked at the intensity of the labor so it was reassuring to have someone wiser and calmer in the room with me.
With dd2 I knew that I wanted to be alone and that I could do it if I did the right emotional/physical preparation. I took hypnobirthing and really absorbed all the techniques and practiced daily relaxation. I still got prenatal care with my midwife but the whole time I visualized quietly giving birth by myself. The vision became stronger everyday. Whenever I mentioned to my husband, he freaked out, so I kept it to myself. So, when the time came, I didn't let my dh call the midwife until I knew it was TIME. I ended up having her with my surprisingly calm husband catching just a couple minutes after he got off the phone with the midwife. She came in time to help us get settled in and to do some of the detail work.

So not a totally uc, but maybe next time it will be. I would back you up on a sneaky uc if you felt like you had done adequate preparation, especially since it is your first and you don't know exactly what it feels like. Or you can do like me and go through the motions of a midwife and then decide if you want to call her when the time comes or not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
For hubby's sake, I'm going through the motions-going to the ob, etc, like a good girl, but every time I practice my HB, all I can see is me on a blanket on our bathroom floor, having Cody, and then having to deal with the
when DH gets home.

Explain what you mean about didn't prepare enough emotionally-what did you feel like you needed to do that you didn't?(or did differently next time)

This is probably going to be our only child together-unless another whoops! happens, so I want to do it my way b'c I won't have another chance. (DH is 16 years older than me, and didn't really want to start again, but this time, he didn't have a choice!)

Any suggestions/help/advice/info you could/would provide would be so awesome....if you don't mind; I know stuff like this can get kind of personal, so if you don't want to, I totally understand!

TIA

(I am so in love wth all the little smilies and bouncy smilies-they are so much fun!!! It's great to be easily amused!
)
 

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An "oops UC" crossed my mind when I first was thinking about it - but I also know that I can't do that to my DH and keep that secret... I would feel awful. So we commenced on lots of talking and talking and some fights and talking some more... we agreed that he would be stretched and let me be as alone as I wanted or what not, and I would be stretched and hire a midwife friend that we have who has agreed to stay totally out of the way unless we have an emergency and call her in.

Now I know a lot of people wouldn't call that UC, but that's really ok, it is to me as I have all of my own birth equipment, herbs, supplies, etc. and we will only be calling her (edited to clarify...to come to our house) at the end for once baby is being born/is born.

If my DH was more open to helping me in labor I would have probably insisted that he learn how to help with should distocia, etc. (the few things I worry about), but he is not wired this way and it seems that at this point we will be at a medium balance between us both. If I felt threatened by this MW we hired for birth, I would have put up a fight, but I trust her to stay away like we want her to.

So that's my .02... it's not horrible to have an ooops (on purpose), but I probalby wouldn't do that.
~Julie
 

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Well, I was hoping for an "oops" UC with my second baby. It was a planned HB and I just didn't want to call the MW. My husband ended up calling her because he didn't know I wanted to be alone. I felt a lot of remorse over not expressing what I wanted with DH or with the MW. I knew the MW was UC friendly, but just was planning the UC in my head without saying anything out my mouth!

So... 'oops" didn't work well for me because I chose not to say what I wanted and was unable to say what I wanted during birth.

I did Hypnobirthing for my first. And, another hypnosis program from my last two babies. I really liked it. I was able to process labor as ease and love. I love labor. I'd labor once a week if given the choice!
 

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I might consider this with the next child, depending...but since you never know how you will feel when actually in labor (especially if you haven't done a UC before) I will be sure to have a midwife lined up and ready to go, no matter what. But I would be so happy to labor and birth with just DH and DD and the cats around me.
 

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I have never had an "oops" UC without DH, but I could have if I had wanted to. I have been blessed with such a wonderful DH that he is willing to just let me do anything that I feel is necessary for my births. He is behind me 100%!

Very supportive and has actually caught half of our children himself. I have done the surprised "oops" for others though (my Mom, friends, family, and various OBs), so that I did not have to share the experience or try to explain my UC/HB plans. It is much easier just to not tell anyone, then after it is over, just say "Ooops, labor was just too fast!"
 

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Welcome!
Yes the smilies are a world of their own


This is one of my favorites: laughup I cant help but crack up everytime I see it

Anyway, having an oops is very much possible, depending on you and your circumstances. It would have made things more complicated for me, and my DP is pretty much a "go-along" when it comes to birthing. He "leaves it up to me" basically, which is fine by me, I just put in my requests and he knows when to help and when to do other things.

I also do not think I prepared myself emotionally enough ahead of time. Especially for postpartum (I researched everything but that!
) and I ended up becoming depressed. I dont think I was quite prepared for the "after-blow" of motherhood about a month or so into it. I needed to be more accepting. So the emotional preparation is a big one for us next time around. I am still processing the last one 11 months later!
 

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So how does the sneaky DH-less UC work if your labor starts, say, in the evening around the time DH comes home and is planning to be home all night? Just curious about that. Do you just tell your DH you want to wait to go to the hospital, then happen to tell him when you're feeling an urge to push that it's too late?


(I'm not planning a sneaky DH-less UC or anything - just wondering how those who do would handle that situation, since you never know when you'll go into labor)
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Good ?, I just figured I'd cross that bridge when I came to it...that's where the cooperative baby part comes in. I have consistent timeable BH/practice surges all the time-even now-and I'm only 28 weeks-so I figured I could just use that as an alibi if necessary...you know, "I didnt know it was the real thing I just thought it was BH like always, til it was too late!"

I'm so evil. Poor hubby had no idea what he was getting into. (Actually, maybe he did-maybe that's why I had to chase him so hard!)
 

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1st- I am considering the same thing, an UC that is sort of an "Oops!"

2nd- I also am going to HypnoBirth
! I have all of the materials, and will be looking for a HypnoBirth Instructor as soon as I get that second pink line. Dr Mongan really urges women and their partners to go to an instructor so that they can get really excellent practice with the self-hypnosis techniques, and get themselves into a reliable pattern of practice, so that when the day comes for baby to arrive, they just slip right into what they have practiced.

Good luck to you- you can do it!

Clara
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by boscopup
So how does the sneaky DH-less UC work if your labor starts, say, in the evening around the time DH comes home and is planning to be home all night? Just curious about that. Do you just tell your DH you want to wait to go to the hospital, then happen to tell him when you're feeling an urge to push that it's too late?


(I'm not planning a sneaky DH-less UC or anything - just wondering how those who do would handle that situation, since you never know when you'll go into labor)

Well, I'm not planning a sneaky UC, but if I were going to the hospital, I would wait until the last possible minute to do so, so I would just say I waited a tad too long.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
For those that have been to hospital before, when do they usually tell you to come in? I forgot to ask last time...
 

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I haven't been, but my midwives suggest going at 8 cms if you are planning a hospital birth.
 

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This has been in my head since day one! Honestly! I really am hoping that I go into labor into the morning and just play it off ..and then if DH is home just act like Oh we dont need to leave yet, we havep plenty of time ect. Then just tell him the babies coming there's no time for a hospital. I really really think it would be so much more comforting to be at home. I feel guilty thinking this but educating my husband on home births has been so difficult as he has a hard time opening up to ideas he hasnt heard of
 
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