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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
She is 28 months old. I swear she does stuff to piss me off. I ask her if she has to pee. She says no. Are you hungry? No. Do you want milk? No. Fine. Baby (3 months old) is tired and cranky. Since dd's needs are met, I sit down to nurse baby to sleep. As soon as we get set up, she wants milk. ok, sit back down. PEE! PEE! SIGH. Take her to pee. (baby continues to wail) Sit down. HUNGRY! Grrrr. Get her food. Baby really is wailing now. Sit down. Hug? NEED HUG!!! wahhhhh!!! You get the picture.<br><br>
Eventually get baby to sleep and transferred to swing. (he wont stay asleep anywhere else) I go to the bathroom. Come back, she grabs the swing to stop it and yells "WAKE UP, BABY!!! GET UP!!!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"> Now I have an extremely unhappy baby on my lap.<br><br>
I have been extra nice to her today. I took her for 2 walks even though it is too cold to take the baby out. I did anyway. Why is she intentionally doing things she knows that make me mad?
 

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(((((((hugs)))))))))
 

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wow I'm so sorry. That would really bother me too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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No advice, just <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
I have a 3 month old and a 30 month old and we have days like that sometimes, too. Its frustrating.
 

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{{HUGS}} She's not doing things to intentionally anger you. I see her as acting out her conflicted mind. She's torn between seeking independence and having control over her environment, and having you help her with tasks she needs done for her. It also sounds like she needs a lot of attention, both because of her age and because of the new sibling. She seems unsure whether she wants to be "big" or whether she wants to be "small" like baby. All of this comes out in the constant mind-changing, particularly when you leave her to care for the baby.<br><br>
Can you try to get her more involved with the baby? So in her mind, you're not "leaving" her for the baby, but rather you are working together to care for baby. And then when baby is sleeping or in a sling, you can focus on just her. . play games, read, etc. This age is rough enough, but I can imagine her emotions are even more conflicted now that she's got a sibling too. Try to keep in mind that no matter how grown she seems, she's still a baby. She's not doing any of this intentionally, she just doesn't have the thought-process or coping ability to take it in stride.
 

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sorry you're having a bad day. try to remember that she does not think like you. all of our behavoirs ( child or adult) are a result of needs that are either met or unmet.<br>
realizing that all needs in my family are equally important has really help me in times of conflict.<br>
what are you feeling? what needs are you trying to meet? what do you want to do to meet those needs? what is your daughter feeling? what needs is she trying to meet? what is she wanting to do to meet her needs?<br><br><br>
i know it's tough with 2 little ones, but maybe bringing your attention to the answer to those questions , may help your anger dissipate .<br>
i know with my ds, just listening to him and letting him know i hear him, no matter how irrational he is, helps. i do not hve to solve the problem or necessarily meet needs that i can't, but just being heard allows for connection. and that connection is usually what we both are seeking.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks for all the hugs. It is difficult for her having a sibling. She is very high needs, and can't handle not having me one on one all day. I wouldn't mind the neediness so much if she wouldn't demand things that I just offered her a minute earlier. It would be easier if ds went to sleep easier, too. He needs it quiet, and thats when dd wants to screech. I would assume she would want him to sleep so she could have me all to herself, but she hates it when anyone sleeps. I don't get it. If she see's someone sleeping, she HAS to wake them.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hammer.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hammer"> i would be so angry if my kids stopped the swing and YELLED to wake up the baby!!<br><br>
Maybe point out that the longer the baby sleeps the more likely it is that you'll have time to spend one-on-one w/her?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I think what's hard too is that you have a littler baby. But your 23-month-old is still pretty much a baby too, you know? She still has baby needs and a baby concept of life and babyish self-centeredness. None of which helps you practically, I know, but maybe it could help you reframe some of the stuff? She's not trying to tick you off or purposely defy you or make you angry. She's behaving like a baby on the cusp of toddlerhood.<br><br>
You have tons of sympathy from me though.
 

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They're capricious little things aren't they? Yesterday I caught my 2 year old yelling "Alessander! Wake Up!". I ran in there as quietly as possible and herded him downstairs to play. I think your little one probably just wants more attention, since toddlers of course want to be the centre of attention. I don't think she's purposely trying to drive you crazy, but she doesn't know how to voice her needs in other ways and doesn't understand the concept of you needing to sit down for a chunk of time to get baby nursed and sleeping.<br><br>
Is it possible for you to have several snacks ready and in the fridge so you can grab and go? Same with juices. Peeing isn't something you can regulate too too much though so you've got to answer the call of nature, but make sure it's just business in there.<br><br>
My 2 year old went through a period of just being glued to me and trying to climb into my lap when nursing, so I use that time with him so he can look at a special sticker book or watch a special video that he only gets when I'm nursing. Can you put the swing in another room where baby won't be disturbed?<br><br>
Maybe introducing a timer as well? Set it on short intervals at first, working up to longer times, so when they say they want a snack, say when the bell dings, and leave it for a minute, then two and work your way up.<br><br>
What other kinds of activities do you do with your toddler? I find spending time doing things like fingerpainting and baking really help to satiate my child's need for attention. We made muffins this morning, so that takes care of easy snacks for me. I also let him "clean" the dishes, aka get wet with some safe plastic dishes while standing on a stool. Although you have to be prepared for some mess, he's usually good to go on his own for a little bit after that and I'll nurse.<br><br>
There were days when I felt like if I had to contend with a 2 year old and a few good hours of my time blocked out for nursing I was going to go nuts, but it's getting better and he's just entertaining himself now with his toys and books, waiting until we're done. Now I just got to get him to understand why it's not cool to wake up the baby. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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just wanted to say you have my sympathy... my DD's are 15m apart and I have also just had a day like that... it is soo frustrating isnt it?
 

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Have you tried a kitchen timer with her? Set it and tell her, when it dings I can ______ for you. It works well with ds. Might buy you some time.
 

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My 26 month old does the same thing. Have to pee? No. He's 18 inches from the potty and pees on the floor.<br><br>
And I don't have a new baby. There is no jealousy here. There is no sudden change in attention. He is just a toddler.<br><br>
What about getting a mei tai for the baby. It would probably happily sleep snuggled up next to you and with a mei tai or soft structured carrier you could have both hands free for your toddler. Check out thebabywearer.com
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mybabysmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10759490"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What about getting a mei tai for the baby. It would probably happily sleep snuggled up next to you and with a mei tai or soft structured carrier you could have both hands free for your toddler. Check out thebabywearer.com</div>
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That's just making things more difficult for the mother... at the toddler's beck and call with a huge weight around the chest. At least if it were my baby and toddler, the baby would need for me to be moving in order to stay asleep in the carrier. My solution: put the swing in another room that the toddler can't access. If it were my dd, she would probably then get mad that she couldn't be with the baby (and would make up some benevolent reason why she needed to be with the baby) but I would just tell her that I was doing that because she always tries to wake up the baby. If she refuses something to drink and then wants something while I'm nursing, I say, "I offered you a drink a minute ago and you said no. Now you'll have to wait until I'm done nursing." I do things of that nature a lot with my toddler. I try not to be mean about it but I just can't have her disrupting the fulfillment of my baby's basic needs. She might be less high needs than the OP's dd, but I think she's starting to understand what is off limits--what I won't be flexible about.
 

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My girls are nearly the exact same ages as yours and we had a very similar day! It's so, so hard. I remind myself constantly that they are both merely acting their age, but I know it's hard to not take it personally sometimes, especially when you are trying so hard to meet their needs!<br>
My DD1 is also very high-needs and very used to having nearly all my attention. She is also fiercely protective of her little sister and loves to help and be involved in absolutely everything so I use this to my advantage as much as I can. Ex: baby's rooting/fussing so I ask toddler "What do you think Ava needs?" Enthusiastic answer "Mommy nurse her!" "Good idea! Why don't you bring me the boppy and I'll get settled with her while you choose a few books for us to read together." Believe me, it's not always that pretty IRL but often works well. Also, my toddler is very into dolls and has named them all "Ava". She often mirrors whatever I do with DD2 with her dolls which keeps her busy and is very sweet to watch. She nurses "her Ava" (the doll), talks and sings to her, bounces her in the bouncy seat, shakes toys in front of her, etc. She asked me to make a sling for her!<br>
Maybe if you take a walk the baby can sleep in the stroller or swing and the toddler can walk beside "looking for signs of spring". We did this the other day and Zoe loved searching the ground and trees for buds and blooms.<br>
I also stress the advantages to being the "big kid" like having a whole apple for a snack-her favorite treat and something the baby is too little for.<br>
Hang in there, mama, you'll find what works for you. I know it's hard and some days are harder than others!
 

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I second the baby carrier.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> My first and second daughters are exactly two years apart. I remember Rachel doing those exact things, so I would put Emma in the Maya Wrap, and say to Rachel, "Let's get a snack and a bottle of water, then we're going to go potty so I can nurse the baby, and afterwards, we can go outside!!" That worked REALLY well! Hugs to you mama, I've sooo been there!!!
 

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Hugs to you! When we had the twins, our 28 month old was totally overwhelmed. I feel your pain. Can you have snacks/sippycup for her where your nurse? I can't help you on the potty. Just know that it will get better. The twins are almost 1 years old and the love their big sister.<br><br>
Hugs to you<br><br>
Jenn
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Baby wont sleep in the mei tai. I only wear him for walks, or the toddler gets jealous. She still likes to be worn. I can't wear both all day. She prefers to walk outside so thats the only way I can wear baby. DD would also get angry if she couldnt snuggle me with the baby on me. DD only drinks while on my lap being rocked. (yes, like a baby, its cute and annoying at the same time) I do have another swing upstairs, I could try putting the baby up there for naps, but I like to pick him up before he cries. I guess somethings gotta give, though. I just hate how she doesnt want something I offer, and asks for it 30 seconds later. If I put food out without her asking for it, she wont ever eat it. She is so difficult!
 

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I am sure someone else has said this, but she is jealous of this new love in your life. She was the center of attention, then bam it all came to an end. it will get easier, but don't get angry with her. She is just trying to get your attention. Talk nicely to her and tell her that you will get her something to drink, once the baby falls asleep. I know it is not easy. She may cry, but if you give in to this little attention getter, than she will continue it Every day. After baby is asleep, play with dd alone. Oh and Don't leave her for a sec alone with baby!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I guess I do need to teach her to wait a few minutes. Thankfully, she loves the baby. She wouldnt intentionally hurt him. She hugs him every chance she gets, loves to hold him, tries to nurse him, etc.
 
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