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So did you plan this???

580 Views 10 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  plantmommy
It's none of your business.......

How many people have gotten this question? Even before we got pregnant, as friends were and stuff, I knew this was a rude question and never asked any of my friends or relatives.

DH and I have been married 5 years - what business is it of anyone's if this was planned or not. Regardless of whether we're married or not, it's no one's business. If it's in an email message I just ignore it, but if it's in person, I think I'm going to have to start saying, that's really none of your business.

OK - sorry, just had to vent again.

I just thought of a response though - why, will that affect how you feel about the baby or are you just being nosy?
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I've always thought that was the most rude question. I can't believe that people still ask this.

Slightly OT: My little sister (who doesn't have kids) has gotten her nose all bent out shape before saying that my life wasn't more important than here just because "I CHOSE to have kids." (This is when we're trying to make scheduling arrangements and I mention that I won't be able to leave at a certain time because of naps, or can't sit in traffic with a baby screaming in the car, or something like that.) I often want to say to her "So, if I got knocked up by accident, then can you cut me some slack?!?!"
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I hate this question.
Dh and I just got married last week, but even our first a year ago was planned. I feel I have to explain to them that yes even though we were not married, my medication for arthritis was changed and my rheumatoligist told me that if kids were in our 5 yr plan that we should start trying. 3 miscarriages later and in spite of people knowing our story, we still get shocked looks when we say our pregnancies have all been planned. My MIL even had the gaul to say to me after the last m/c that perhaps it was God's way of telling us that people should not have children before they are married! I mean we're in our 30's, we are both gainfully employed and financially secure.
Hokiegirl, I love your new response and may borrow it if you don't mind!!
Shannon, your MILs comment is awful. So sorry that you have to deal with that attitude.

Some of my friends, I will tell them, 'yes, the baby was planned.' (Many of them have been wondering when we'd get around to it, being married for 5 years and together for 13 years.)

As Ann Landers (or was it Dear Abby) would say, MYOB is frequently a good answer.
Yes, she is an awful woman, fortunately after she made an ass of herself at our wedding, we will not need to be speaking to her again--a good thing since she told me with disgust about a woman she knew who was still breastfeeding at 5 mos!!!! Oh the horrors!!!!! I had asked dh if I could use a supplemental nursing system in front of her (I had a breast reduction years ago that resulted in major scarring) I thought that would shock her nicely!!!
Shanon - Feel free to use my response!! Hopefully I'll eventually get the nerve to.

What a bizarro MIL - who could ever have a problem with bfing a 5 mos. old.
Hahahahaha I just got the chance!!!!!! I was talking to my aunt just now and I guess my mother told her (my mother is beyond excited!) Talk about silence on the other end of the line!!!! After 2 min of nothing I told her I felt it was a rude question and nobodys business but my dh and mine.
Thank you so much for the witty comeback, I feel so empowered!!
My MIL asked this same question. It caught us off-guard and, unfortunately, DH said, "Well, not really." What he meant was, "Jaclyn went off the pill three months ago so that she could get pregnant, but we were just having sex when we wanted it and not charting, so technically, we weren't 'trying.' We were actively hoping." But, it came across wrong and so when I spoke up, I just probably looked like I was trying to cover up the truth or something.

Truth was, we were trying. We just weren't charting. Regardless, it didn't matter. If I was pregnant and telling her excitedly, it was obviously a good thing. Stupid woman. I love her, but [email protected], she can make me angry sometimes. Thankfully, my mother was just thrilled and never said any BS crap like that.

I can't believe people ask that!
We have the opposite over here (this baby was "unplanned", though very much welcomed and wanted) with people always telling me in reference to the due date, etc, "that was great planning!" :LOL
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I hate that question. Once I told someone, "Yes, but my sex life is really none of your business."
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"Was this planned?"

"Um, did you plan to be rude, or was that question an accident?"
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