[mirpnmama]

my cousin just had her third baby a few weeks ago. she tried to bf the first and had problems so did formula...with baby #2 she bf till she was 6 or 8 months old, and she was not really happy that it went on that long, so now she has baby #3....she was at a family party that we were not able to attend last weekend and my mother must have asked if she were nursing and she and her husband started in on how yes, she was, but the baby would be weaned at 6 weeks because that is when all the health benefits stop! now, my mother started to ask about what if the baby still wants it etc....and i am not sure what they said....i am still nursing my 3 year old ds and plan to tandem when our daughter arrives in feb. and am a HUGE bf advocate and i just cant seem to let it go that they have this in their heads and were proclaiming it to my mom....i will be seeing them soon at another family party and i was wondering, if it were you, would you say anything, and what on earth would you say???

 

[sapphire_chan]

If you have a good relationship with your cousin, just call up with "what's this nonsense about weaning at 6weeks?"

You have to talk to them before they wean the baby. Seriously, call them up and tell them that you heard they were planning to wean at 6 weeks because "it's when the benefits" end from your mother, and that you wouldn't normally be pushy, but this is so important that you had to make sure they got accurate information.

Then go to the family gathering armed with the research.

Of course, I tend to do things in a way that might result in strained relationships, so even though what I've suggested above is what I'd do in your situation, they might not be the best option.

 

[westernmamomma]

You are the best guage of how your relationship could handle the interaction. I would definitely say something to her. It just depends on whether you want to say something outright or something on the sly. But definitely get the information out there.

 

[slinginhipmama]

I think the best thing to do is say something...Maybe you could explain to her your reasons for extended bfing. If you make it personal maybe you'll open her up to the idea. I haven't been put in that situation with my family (they are all crazy nursers

) but, I do have a friend that told me she wasn't going to bf because she couldn't handle her breasts getting any bigger

Since we only communicate through emails, I sent her an email with some great pro-breastfeeding, AP websites and let her look at the info for herself. She hasn't responded back...so maybe it didn't work. The least we can do is try!!

 

[annarosa]

i would let her knkow the info that you know - the benefits all round of BF and EBF - but don't jeopardize your relationship just make it part of the conversation ...........

 

[Fi.]

I'd call and ask her about the benefits ending at 6 weeks and asking her how the human race could have possibly survived if that was true.

 

[Ruthla]

The very first thing you should say to them is "congrats!!!"

I think you should say something, but not do it in a way that may put them on the defensive. If you have their email address, you can email them a bunch of baby and bf links with "here's some info that helped me that you may find interesting."

If you don't have their email, then when you talk on the phone or see them in person, talk about your own experiences with bf.

 

[moppity]

If it were my cousin, I would say in general conversation (i.e. not specifically calling to discuss it and not at the beginning of the conversation). 'Mum said you were weaning at 6 weeks, howcome?' and take it from there and see how open she is to info on the benefits lasting much much longer than 6 weeks

 

[Mrs Dimples]

Personally, unless you are very close with your cousin and this type of conversatino would not be out of the ordinary, then I don't think it is appropriate to call her up and ask her why she's planning to wean at 6 weeks. I would be offended if I were her. Yeah, it's a cop-out to say that the benefits end at 6 weeks and that's why she's weaning, when it sounds like she probably knows better through experience...but unless you're going to be seeing her anyway and can work it into conversatino naturally then I don't think it's appropriate to call her on it. Sorry.

Next time I saw her (and if it were possible, what with the holidays and all, I might try to make an opportunity sooner than would have otherwise happened) I would bring it up casually though, and not directly as it pertains to her, KWIM? Just start talking about her baby and I bet it comes up, and then you have an oppoortunity to just make sure that she knows the truth about the benefits of BF. It is her choice when to wean her baby

but you can at least make sure she has the facts.

 

[Viola]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs Dimples Personally, unless you are very close with your cousin and this type of conversatino would not be out of the ordinary, then I don't think it is appropriate to call her up and ask her why she's planning to wean at 6 weeks. I would be offended if I were her.

Sigh. I agree. That's why you have to start mailing her stuff. Better yet, give us her address, and we'll mail her stuff. Just kidding, just kidding--about the last sentence, not the one before it.. Oh wow, though, wouldn't it be funny if you filled out those forms at the OB's office, you would get spammed with pro-breastfeeding stuff the way you can be with formula stuff? Hmmmm.

 

[wendy1221]

She might end up loving it and not giving up. My sister's SIL said bf was disgusting adn she'd never do it. Well, her sister (my sister's other SIL) had a brain tumor hat prevented her from bf her first baby (long story, but the short of it was she was on meds to suppress prolactin so that she could carry the baby to term w/out miscarrying or preterm labor, and the doc told her not to stop taking it when she got to term. Her milk never came in.) anyway, the sister who wasn't able to breastfeed was devastated cuz she'd wanted to so bad. So the sister who didn't want to felt guilty and said she'd give it a try but wasn't going to pump. So she weaned her baby at 6 weeks when she went back to work and has regretted it ever since. She says she's going to breastfeed the next one until she feels ready to quit (which from the sound of it will be at least a year. She's surprisingly turned very AP w/ her first--very mainstream before and during her pregnancy, cosleeping and everything. lol)

 

[Plaid Leopard]

Perhaps when you see your cousin, you can casually ask "how's the BF going?" and then broach the subject.

Or just railroad her. When you see her nursing, start talking about yourself and don't shut up! Say something like - "isn't it great how it's so easy to nurse anywhere, and not have to worry about bottles and formula? I can't imagine having to spend so much money on formula, and then lug around all that stuff, and hope that I have enough. And forget about having to mix up bottles in the middle of the night. Nevermind washing them. I can't even get the dinner dishes washed right away. What a pain...""

And also slip in "I'm so glad that my child is still nursing. Maybe that will help her get through the winter without getting sick. Or at least if she does get sick I know that BM will help her get through it, keep her from getting dehydrated, let us all get some sleep etc..."

And then "and I just read this article in Mothering magazine about all the other uses of breastmilk. Did you know that BM helps clear up diaper rash, pink eye blahblahblah. Amazing isn't it? And the best thing is that it's free..."

Just keep talking about all the benefits that you have noticed - how sometime children are picking eaters but if they are getting BM then you don't have to worry and so on and so forth. How BF babies smell so good and look so healthy. (Are so much healthier)

ANd then say 'Oh yeah, I thought you might enjoy this book" and present her with your favorite breastfeeding book, and maybe some info that you have printed out about the benefits of extended breastfeeding.

Perhaps ask her if she has gone to a LLL meeting. Tell her she should go, it's fun, informative, you meet other moms etc.

Good luck.

 

[mirpnmama]

thanks for all the replies....i am hoping to be able to get together with her soon so hopefully can slip it into conversation....it just frustrates me so badly that they are walking around saying things like that - if my family beleives them, they must think we are nuts!! course, extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, homeschooling......i am pretty sure they think that anyway....they are all very mainstream!

 

[LinzluvsGJ]

I wouldn't call and ask why she's weaning, I would call and ask how things in general are going, how nursing is going and then give encouragement not criticism. I hated being criticised as a new mom... both with my first and my second daughters... it always put me on the defensive.