So...do you judge (privately or publicly) other people's name choices?

othersomethings · Nov 27, 2010

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I guess I ask because it seems to be a common concern among mamas on this forum and in general is a really strong fear among parents naming a baby. Some parents have the "whatever, I don't care what people say" attitude, and others seem to fall on the "I would NEVER name my kid something that might get us criticized" side...I guess there would be some in the middle too. 
 
So if we address this as parents choosing names, does that mean we're actually afraid of seeing our own behavior reflected back to us in others?
 
Do you personally ponder the names other people choose for their children and think "What were they thinking?!" either to yourself or out loud?
 
I'm trying to reflect honestly. Do I do this? I think I do sometimes, like when names are too similar to a siblings and it gets confusing, or when the name has bad initials, etc. But I think over-all I really appreciate when people put thought into names that go past family and the bible. (Both of which are important, but...that's not where names end. In my opinion.) 
 
The name we're pretty sure this kid is going to have IS unusual, and I really hate that I'm having to choose the "I don't care what people think" camp. Cause I kind of do care what people think. I really want them to think the name is as awesome as I think it is, and it sucks that I know they won't. Especially family. I only have one family member who has heard the name so far who hasn't raised a serious eyebrow, and it's only cause she would totally giver her kid an out-there name too. Some have even suggested that they'd rather call the kid by his middle name instead because they don't like the first name. I'm choosing not to be offended by that, and they aren't callous enough to actually do that if I asked them not to.
 
But it's there. 
 
So to address the "why"... Do we reap what we sow, and get criticism for the names we bestow on our children because we do the same to other parents?
 
Or are people just uncomfortable with things that are different and judge or attack to make themselves feel better?
 
Or option c, I haven't thought of yet?
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an_aurora · Nov 28, 2010

I have a pretty open mind when it comes to names, partially I think because I have three children with "odd" (ie not common) names. I do find myself judging those kids with "cutesy" names that I couldn't imagine in a professional setting. I'm all about naming a kid whatever you want, but keep in mind the kid will be stuck with it as an adult, and it's hard to be taken seriously when your name is Precocious or 9 Mylyian (and those are both real names I have seen at work).

trekkingirl · Nov 28, 2010

I have a very out there uncommon name. I have had eyebrows raised at me my entire life and it's just uncomfortable. That's why I named my kids old fashioned names. Classic and nice. Still people have something to say no matter what. Do what feels right in your heart and forget everyone else.

dakotablue · Nov 28, 2010

I don't generally judge peoples name choices, but there are some I'm like...huh. But honestly the only person I have and would and did say anything about her name choice was my sister, but we can talk.
 
I probably wouldn't have judged it as a choice (her DD's name) if it had been anyone else.
 
I've gotten judgment about DS's name, but mostly from strangers and in truth once I explain it was my Grandfathers name they don't say anything more. I think if I had chosen his name for being unusual I would get a lot more comments or at least continued commendation.

2xy · Nov 28, 2010

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<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by trekkingirl <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282045/so-do-you-judge-privately-or-publicly-other-people-s-name-choices#post_16076532"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> I have a very out there uncommon name. I have had eyebrows raised at me my entire life and it's just uncomfortable. That's why I named my kids old fashioned names. Classic and nice.
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 Same here, to all of that. I know that kids will find anything to pick on, but I'm almost 40 and people still make obnoxious comments and ask a ton of questions when they hear my name. I was tormented for my name all through school.
 
I usually have a "live and let live" attitude, but if I had a good friend who was going to give a baby a really odd or potentially humorous name, I would talk to him/her about it. Strangers or casual acquaintances, I just think to myself "that poor kid."

treeoflife3 · Nov 28, 2010

Honestly, the names that get the most criticism from me aren't unusual names. I might pause at something spelled very differently or get a personal giggle out of something really out there but mostly I believe there can only be so many of any given name before it gets boring anyway. There are two names though that thoroughly disgust me. I couldn't tell you why as they are completely normal by most anyone's standards. I suppose its the same as some people having issue with words like panties or moist. I wouldn't make it a point to say anything though. That is a matter of being rude... no matter WHAT the name is. It is rude to call out someone for naming a child or being named Richard or Matthew just as much as it is rude to do the same to a Merry-weather or Apple.
 
Fyi, I adore the name apple.

grassisgreener1334 · Nov 28, 2010

Sometimes I laugh at really "out there" names, but usually I have a live and let live kind of attitude. I don't have much room to judge as my son is named Quantum <img alt="orngtongue.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif"> Some people love that name, but most people don't know what to do with it and a few I could tell were holding back laughter (and I'm thoroughly sick of the "are you or your husband physicists?" question). This has further cemented in the live and let live attitude I have towards names. Although I have one pet peeve and that's people who give their children multiple middle names. In my opinion, a person doesn't need more than one middle name and if the parents feel the need to give them 2 (or 3 or 4...) then it's just excessive and probably a sign that they couldn't agree on names so they just kept adding middle names to help themselves feel better (or they're just being pretentious).

JellyMomma · Nov 28, 2010

The thing that irritates me (and I'm not proud of this) ...is when people choose "different", trendy names that everyone else is choosing, too... there's nothing wrong with names like Ava, Ella,Sedona, Asher, Finn, etc. but if those parents think they're being different, they're going to be surprised when they walk into the kindergarten classroom 5 years from now... If they really want to be different they'd pick Cheryl or Janet, or Keith, or Bruce LOL...

Kirsten · Nov 28, 2010

I am fine with alternative/classic/old-fashioned/trendy/whatever names people choose, but I do wonder what "out there" names you are considering with a dd named Ella? I DO think siblings' names should "go together"... and I don't consider Ella an unusual or "people will judge me for using it" name.

TheDivineMrsM · Nov 28, 2010

I may not like or agree with someone's name choice, but it's not my call. I have a 'live and let live' kind of mentality with this.

Chamomile Girl · Nov 28, 2010

I love meeting kids with unusual names. Its the kids with really boring names where I raise an eyebrow (but that was not an option in the poll). My whole life I have been surrounded by Richards, Matthews, Johns and Jasons...and even though those names may be uncommon for children now I still know like ten guys named Matt. Yawn (sorry DH)!
 
I hated my name growing up because it was (is) so freaking dull. I felt really inhibited by my name. In my fantasy world (I was a pretty, erm...imaginative child) I longed to be an Anastasia or a Theodora. But alas... So I always swore I would not resign my kids to the same fate.
 
My kid has such an unusual name that I will probably never meet another. My family was prepared to give me boatloads of crapus for it (because we didn't announce the name until we had child in hand) but they never have. So far everyone has been cool about his name...once they figure out what it is. Sometimes I have to spell it.

JellyMomma · Nov 28, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by JellyMomma <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282045/so-do-you-judge-privately-or-publicly-other-people-s-name-choices#post_16076761"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a> The thing that irritates me (and I'm not proud of this) ...is when people choose "different", trendy names that everyone else is choosing, too... there's nothing wrong with names like Ava, Ella,Sedona, Asher, Finn, etc. but if those parents think they're being different, they're going to be surprised when they walk into the kindergarten classroom 5 years from now... If they really want to be different they'd pick Cheryl or Janet, or Keith, or Bruce LOL...
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doh! I didn't even see that the OP had an "Ella" when I posted this... I just want to say that I love that name...I only thought of it because it is the most common name in my 13 y.o. dd's class...and I know it did seem uncommon 13 years ago...I'm sure all those parents thought they were being unique... "different" names catch on so quickly...some of them aren't different for long : )
I guess we need to study the birth announcements in the local newspapers if we want to be unique... There were 7 girls in my dd Anna's preschool class --3 of them were named Anna... amaziningly there are no other Anna's among the 80 girls in her 8th grade class this year, though...

Smokering · Nov 28, 2010

Do I judge? Sure. Doesn't everyone? I mean, the minute you say "Oh, what did they call him?" and the mother says "Oliver", you immediately have a reaction of some kind - be it "Ooh!" or "Meh" or "Eugh" or whatever. That's judgment. And there's nothing wrong with it - if we had an identical emotional response to all names, choosing baby names would be a lot tougher!

Do I comment? No. How rude. If I'm really thrown by a ghastly name I'll probably respond with a lame "Oh, cool" or "Hello, Ghastlybabyname, aren't you a cutie!", rather than an enthusiastic "Ooh, that's lovely!"... but I don't think I've ever actually indicated "ick" to a parent. What would be the point? It probably wouldn't send them running for a deed poll to correct their faux pas...
 
I have been known to criticise other people's baby names to DH or my mother though. As in "Crikey, did you hear what X named her baby?". I probably shouldn't do that, but I bet I'm not the only one.

2xy · Nov 28, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Kirsten <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282045/so-do-you-judge-privately-or-publicly-other-people-s-name-choices#post_16076770"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> I DO think siblings' names should "go together"
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Why?

CatsCradle · Nov 28, 2010

I don't know if it's judgey or snarky, but when my sister named all of her girls after virtues it really rubbed me the wrong way. I was snarky to DH about it. I'm horrible. I know. Otherwise, names don't usually cross my radar.

othersomethings · Nov 28, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Kirsten <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282045/so-do-you-judge-privately-or-publicly-other-people-s-name-choices#post_16076770"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> I am fine with alternative/classic/old-fashioned/trendy/whatever names people choose, but I do wonder what "out there" names you are considering with a dd named Ella? I DO think siblings' names should "go together"... and I don't consider Ella an unusual or "people will judge me for using it" name.
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Thanks for the responses, this is very interesting.
 
For the record, my husband is a jazz musician and so we are kind of naming in that vein. Ella - after the great singer. It wasn't till after we named her that I found out it actually is a family name - made my grandmother so happy. This one though...she's probably going to be the last person to hear the name because I know her comments will hurt. 
 
We're leaning toward "Django."
 
I love it, I love what it means (I Awake) and who it represents (The greatest jazz guitarist ever, who overcame physical handicaps to invent his musical style), it's a name that might be hard for a kid but will be a strong name for a man. And I'm trying to keep that in mind too, I'm not naming a baby...I'm naming a man. And it has some simple nicknames that I don't mind using if it proves too difficult for a baby or young boy. (Like DJ.)
 
But yeah, my siblings and friends that have heard it have given me some flack already. ("It makes me think of the game Jenga" or "Can we call him (his middle name)? " or outright "That is a really WEIRD name!") And my mom raised her eyebrows and tried to think of something polite. 
 
It's not set in stone. But we're 99.9% set on it. So I guess I'm settling in the "choosing not to care" camp.
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zinemama · Nov 28, 2010

You didn't have my option which would be: Never say a word, but snark hard with dh. I am frequently astounded at the things people name their children. For example, recently, a poor little boy named Tucker. Have those parents no pity - or imagination??

Chamomile Girl · Nov 28, 2010

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We're leaning toward "Django."
 
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I love it!
 
Zinemama...what's wrong with Tucker? I don't get it.

Peony · Nov 28, 2010

I wouldn't say anything unless I knew them really well. I certainly would think"poor kid" in my mind though. <img alt="shy.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/shy.gif"> My standard response when I ask a child's name and it is some weird/bad/creative name, it just "oh" and then change the subject, better to say nothing at all. 
 
 
I'll be honest, I'd go home and snicker with Dh about Django, but I'm snarky like that with baby names. I like names, but I'm more traditional. If that it what boats your boat then then it's your kid obviously but you would need to choose not to care what others think.

L J · Nov 28, 2010

Its amazing the crap people gave me when I was pregnant with my oldest, and told them I was going to name him "Henry". No one had anything nice to say about it - family and friends begged us to choose something else, something more "normal" like Connor or Hunter or Jordan! Ha! They said I was giving him an "old man's name". They seemed to forget that he would only be a baby a short time and then would be a man who might like to go to law school, or business school, or whatever, and he would possibly want a name that people would take seriously.
 
My point? I named my son one of the oldest, most traditional names for a man to have, and still yet, no one had anything nice to say about it. You just can't please people when it comes to naming your own offspring, I have learned. No one gave me crap about Jack, but then, people don't tend to criticize what you name your dead baby.
 
 
I agree with Smokering - of course I judge when I hear what people name their children. Sometimes I love the name, sometimes I feel really sorry for the kid, and sometimes I am just neutral. But, I think its very rude to ever say anything to a parent about their name choices, especially if the child is already born and named. I might, might say something to my very closest and dearest friend if she were pregnant and thinking of naming her child something I hated. But, I would do it gently and lovingly if I did it at all.
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So...do you judge (privately or publicly) other people's name choices?

Do you have opinions about what parents name their children?

Yes, I find myself criticizing names quite a bit. What are parents thinking?! Someone has to tell th

Sometimes a name just doesn't make sense to me, I might say something if I know the person well enou

Sometimes a name doesn't make sense to me, but I'd never say anything to anyone about it.

No, I support parents thinking "creatively" when they name their children and try to encourage their

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