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Our 4 year old son has an Aspergers Syndrome diagnosis currently, though he will undergo another evaluation in August. He is pretty *typical* for the most part. He does have a significant speech delay(hardly clear to outsiders)and does not have the communication of a "normal" 4 year old. He is very active and also has a high need for active stimulation. His sensory issues include mouthing objects, twirling in circles very fast, always running, standing on his head, jumping, does not like wearing clothes/shoes/etc.....
Socially, while he loves playing and interacting with children, he is very hands-on. He wants to wrestle all the time. He can be very aggressive, still bites on occasion and tends to act out his frustrations instead of communicating them.

I am having the most frustrating time dealing with family and friends who get aggrivated with him because of his behavior. I don't even know what to do anymore. We discipline him when his behavior is unacceptable(we do not use spanking which seems outrageous to some people). I know that even with his special needs, he must learn that hurting other people is not an option. We talk with him about using words rather than actions.

I think the problem is, that because he is extremely intelligent and often acts with normal behavior, people forget about the issues we are dealing with(even though I discuss it with these same people in the hopes that they will understand).

I am getting to the point where I don't even want to get together with friends. We had dinner at our friends house last night and they kept rolling their eyes at him. He has a difficult time adjusting to rules and change at other houses. I don't want to sound like I am constantly making excuses for his actions, but he doesn't think/act the way a normal 4 year old would. I am just at a loss of what to do....any advice or suggestions would be wonderful.
 

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hey, you know, just keep sticking up for him and for yourself. He is in a really tough situation. His brain is working in weird ways, his senses keep sending him into full alert/terror, he's doing what he can to feel ok (all the spinning/mouthing etc) but sometimes he can't hold it together and he busts out. He's intelligent, he knows he shouldn't do it, he can't help it. Your relatives/friends should try living in his world and see how well behaved they would be. also maybe they should try being you for a while!

be strong, respect him for who he is, and try to get others to respect him too.

I'm just reading this book by Judith Bluestone, The Fabric of Autism, she's a bit out there, but she's autistic herself and some of her descriptions of what it feels like from the inside really hit home. Particularly one part where she describes how she gets home from her day of helping autistic kids/adults/parents, lecturing, writing etc, and she has to get someone to put a pencil between each of her toes so they don't touch each other and she has to say 'what's happening?' like a hundred times in a row and then say a whole scene or two from The King And I... this 60 year old woman! who's been holding it together all day. amazing. Maybe you could read it and it would give you a new insight into your boy's struggle.

anyway, hth, good luck!!!
 
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