so how do you ladies ward off m/c paranoia?

966 Views 25 Replies 19 Participants Last post by AGlimmeringHope, May 1, 2009

kztmom

Discussion Starter · Apr 24, 2009

we just got our bfp last saturday and are overjoyed. but now it seems that our ttc stress has just been replaced by m/c stress! it bums me out because i feel that my happiness is still so guarded. i just want to scream out to the world that i am pg, but i haven't told a soul (except dh of course).

i had a very healthy pregnancy with my first dd 20 months ago, and i've never had a m/c, but i recently had a friend who suffered and m/c and also this time around i think i'm too well informed about m/c rates (ah, ignorance is bliss) and pregnancy loss. plus i am very close to that 35 year old mark (i'll be 35 about 2 months before baby is due) and somehow that makes me nervous as well (since the m/c rates are higher the older you get).

i haven't had caffiene since pg with dd #1, i also eat pretty well, excercise somewhat regularly and generally lead a healthy lifestyle. so why am i so paranoid? i guess if you are going to miscarry due to a chromosonal defect, there is really not much you can do about it. i'm trying to stay positive, but i just wish i could go back to being in my ignorant bliss as with my first dd.

any words of wisdom out there to help allay my fears?

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InstinctiveMom

· #2 · Apr 24, 2009

I'm terrified of losing this baby, too. You're definitely not alone. I've never had one either, and have had two amazingly healthy pregnancies, so I can relate to what you're saying.

I don't know - I think it would be worse for me to lose a pregnancy and be sad and not have anyone know why than it would for me to have friends to lean on who can be sympathetic and empathize.

As for getting past the fear, I don't know how, really. I have always been paranoid that "something" would happen to my babies, and now to my kids. My biggest fears have been that we would drive off a bridge and into water and we would get trapped in the car, and now that the boys are in school, that something would happen there and I couldn't get to them.

Fear is always a part of my life as a mom, I think. I just don't let it take over every second.

I do take comfort in the theory that moring sickness is caused by high levels of hormones, which indicates a healthy pregnancy. No clue if that is unfounded (and I;d rather not know), but it helps when I'm feeling queasy or fearful!

(((((hugs)))))

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cloudbutterfly

· #3 · Apr 24, 2009

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Originally Posted by InstinctiveMom

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I do take comfort in the theory that moring sickness is caused by high levels of hormones, which indicates a healthy pregnancy. No clue if that is unfounded (and I;d rather not know), but it helps when I'm feeling queasy or fearful!

I read somewhere that moms who have morning sickness have a slightly lower rate of miscarriages than moms who don't get it. That's one of the reasons I finally decided that my nausea must me morning sickness (I always thought you had to actually throw up for it to count!), because it puts me on the slightly better side of that statistic.

I was really paranoid when I first got a BFP. That something would go wrong...that I wasn't really pregnant and I'd just told our parents and now everyone would be disappointed...all sorts of fears, logical and illogical, so I know what you're talking about!

Now I'm not really afraid at all. My reason is really stupid, so feel free to laugh. I have a "psychic" in my extended family who only makes predictions about pregnancies, and over her whole lifetime she's never been wrong once. She said she couldn't see any problems with my pregnancy, so I just decided to believe her, whether or not I believe that she's actually psychic. It's so much more relaxing than being afraid all of the time! I'm interested to see if she's right about the sex of the baby, because that would make me feel even more relaxed.

Sorry, that probably doesn't help much.

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onyxravnos

· #4 · Apr 24, 2009

i try not to think about it and when that fails i knock on wood.

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Sleepyheaded_Mama

· #5 · Apr 24, 2009

I try to detach myself a bit. It's hard. Soooo hard. But this early on there is nothing one can do about it but take care of one's self and hope for the best. It is so completely out of our hands, kwim? Being a mother, my instincts compel me to actively do something to keep this LO alive, which of course I can't, I can only make healthy choices and overanalyze every single sign/symptom, which creates stress, etc. etc. So I have to talk myself down from the brink again and again, remind myself to let go because the only other alternative is to drive myself crazy.

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Channelle

· #6 · Apr 24, 2009

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Originally Posted by cloudbutterfly

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I was really paranoid when I first got a BFP. That something would go wrong...that I wasn't really pregnant and I'd just told our parents and now everyone would be disappointed...all sorts of fears, logical and illogical, so I know what you're talking about!

This is exactly where I am, this is such a desired and wanted child (at least on my side of the family), that I know everyone, ESP my mom, would be just crushed. I'm so worried about it that I think I'm making myself a little sick over it. I'm 4w and 4d and I've been having slight crampy feelings for the last like 2 or 3 days, making me worry I'm going to mc. I scared to lift anything, so anything too physical, bend wrong, breathe wrong, eat wrong, do something y/k? I know it's somewhat irrational, but I can't help it!

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cloudbutterfly

· #7 · Apr 24, 2009

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Originally Posted by onyxravnos

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i try not to think about it and when that fails i knock on wood.

I'm a big fan of knocking on wood, too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Channelle

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This is exactly where I am, this is such a desired and wanted child (at least on my side of the family), that I know everyone, ESP my mom, would be just crushed. I'm so worried about it that I think I'm making myself a little sick over it. I'm 4w and 4d and I've been having slight crampy feelings for the last like 2 or 3 days, making me worry I'm going to mc. I scared to lift anything, so anything too physical, bend wrong, breathe wrong, eat wrong, do something y/k? I know it's somewhat irrational, but I can't help it!

Yup, I do know...that's what I went through, almost exactly! I think the other thing that helped me--at least about the paranoia that I wasn't really pregnant--was going over to the November DDC (ours wasn't set up yet) and seeing about five other mamas saying the same thing. I can't imagine going through this and TTCing before this without these forums sometimes.

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flapjack

· #8 · Apr 24, 2009

You say "today I am pregnant." You take it one day at a time, and just keep going and trust that things will work out for the best: which is, after all, what we all want. A baby would be nice, but for the best is even better.

kcparker

· #9 · Apr 24, 2009

I had a missed miscarriage prior to my pregnancy with my son and did a ton of reading about miscarriage and early embryo development. Frankly, it's a miracle that this process has worked right over 6 billion times. I wouldn't say that I am exactly paranoid, but maybe I am a tad skeptical about it all at this stage. My policy is to treat early pregnancy like early labor - ignore the symptoms as much as you can, go about your business, and it will either peter out on its own or keep going and at some point, you will not be able to ignore it anymore.

InstinctiveMom

· #10 · Apr 24, 2009

Channelle wrote:

Quote:

I've been having slight crampy feelings for the last like 2 or 3 days, making me worry I'm going to mc. I scared to lift anything, so anything too physical, bend wrong, breathe wrong, eat wrong, do something y/k? I know it's somewhat irrational, but I can't help it!

I get crampy, too. I have with both pregnancies though, so for me it's "normal" but no less scary!

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happybunny

· #11 · Apr 24, 2009

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Originally Posted by InstinctiveMom

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Channelle wrote:

I get crampy, too. I have with both pregnancies though, so for me it's "normal" but no less scary!

I've had some light cramping. But I think it's more the GI type. Still freaks me out.

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kztmom

Discussion Starter · #12 · Apr 24, 2009

Thank you so much ladies for responding and telling me what I need to hear: that basically, we all have the fear in the back of our minds, but just take the"leap of faith that all will work out. This is what our bodies were meant to do after all!

I think InstinctiveMom really hit it on the head regarding fear always being a part of our lives after having children. From the moment we conceive, our lives change forever. I guess we are all vulnerable to something new now. Like anything else, we will get used to it!

tallulahma

· #13 · Apr 24, 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcparker

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My policy is to treat early pregnancy like early labor - ignore the symptoms as much as you can, go about your business, and it will either peter out on its own or keep going and at some point, you will not be able to ignore it anymore.

that is GREAT advice.

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brackin

· #14 · Apr 24, 2009

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Originally Posted by happybunny

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I've had some light cramping. But I think it's more the GI type. Still freaks me out.

I'm so relieved to read that I'm not the only one experiencing this! I think I remember feeling crampy with my other two? But I still don't like it, even though it's probably normal.

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babymonster

· #15 · Apr 25, 2009

I feel the same way, and remember feeling this way the last time until we saw the little bean wiggling around on the u/s. Such a relief!

I just try to push those feelings to the back of my mind. I am assuming everything is going to be fine, because if I did lose this baby having worried about it is not going to make it any easier KWIM?

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MommyNicoleTX

· #16 · Apr 25, 2009

I pray...a ton! i had a miscarriage in February....totally unexpected, totally shocked, totally devastated, totally painful physically and emotionally. my heart still aches for that baby. im not helping yall any am i!? im in the same boat, and the thought of losing this baby is on my mind all day...when i wake up i wonder if i felt a gush, when i pee i pray i wont wipe blood, when i cough i pray the baby hangs tight, when i go to bed i thank God for another day with this baby. i have my faith and that will help me through this. i do feel a peace if i push away the fear long enough, thats the key. i need to receive the peace....

MamaZoZo

· #17 · Apr 25, 2009

I stopped reading pregnancy loss boards. They were freaking me out.

Kristin0105

· #18 · Apr 26, 2009

The cramping early on is just your uterus stretching. It's a good thing. So you can relax about that part of it.

Channelle

· #19 · Apr 26, 2009

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Originally Posted by Kristin0105

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The cramping early on is just your uterus stretching. It's a good thing. So you can relax about that part of it.

Yeah that's what I was told doesn't change the fact that it is the only symptom I have, and it's a rather scary symptom!

I had the worst m/c dream last night, I'm a little shaken. Is it normal to have m/c dreams? Does anyone else have bad dreams?

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MommyNicoleTX

· #20 · Apr 27, 2009

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Originally Posted by Channelle

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I had the worst m/c dream last night, I'm a little shaken. Is it normal to have m/c dreams? Does anyone else have bad dreams?

me! i did the other night. it was awful!! im there with ya. hope the fear passes soon for us both!

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