So how many of you...

I told Mike when we first started seeing eachother. I was in a lesbian relationship at the time but things weren't working out for us. He has to be the only man I know that doesn't "want to watch" every time I have a female friend over. His comment is "I know there are things I can't give you and if it makes you happy, please do" I love my hubby!!

I told my dh before we were married. He doesn't have a problem with it although he definitely feels a bit insecure at times. It is easier now that we don't date though. It was rough when we had a more open arrangement.

We check out chicks together and that doesn't bother him. He just doens't want me to leave him and he knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't leave him for another dude. I think the jealousy factor is something that every couple has to deal with whether gay, bi, or straight.

Interesting discussion. I don't post in queer parenting since I am living with a man. Isn't that weird how I censored myself and put myself in that category? I try not to do that with others but yet I did it to myself.

Ok, gotta go.

Peace,
Shelbi

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I totally hear you, mama. I want to post here more, but somehow feel like maybe I shouldn't... and that's just wonky of me.

DH knew my deal 100% before we married. Things ebb and flow, and my sexuality and how it merges into our marriage is a constant conversation. We communicate whenever issues arise-- it's a constant negotiation, of sorts.

However, I live on a very small island and am out with only a select group of friends here-- very weird, b/c in my previous "homes" I was totally out. Not to mention that the chances of meeting a woman who can grasp where I'm coming from here are slim to none. But that's okay, everything in it's time.

Maintaining my bisexual (I prefer to think of myself as an omnivore ) identity and keeping a strong marriage is tough work, at least for us. But it's the path we chose together, and keeping communication open is a way to honor our commitment while honoring my sexuality.

I miss having a girlfriend although I wouldn't have time anyway. LOL! I hope to date sometime in the future but don't know when. I think I will just have to wait until me and dh enter into the empty nest years. I think swinging is ok. But, in our family structure I don't think it would work right now. I miss girls though. I miss the softness of their curves, and the roundness of breasts, and the beautiful essence of woman.

I am finding the closer that I get to 30 the more I MISS girls.

Peace,
Shelbi

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. I think about the risks of swinging again and I just couldn't handle all the drama and the insecurity that comes with it. I would love to have a female submissive to play around with but I could never have room in my life for another relationship. I find my relationship with my dh to be quite fulfilling, but still I yearn to hold a woman, and kiss her, and fondle her... well you get the picture. Plus, sometimes I just want the closeness that I once felt with my previous girlfriends. It is a closeness that isn't achievable with a man. In fact, I used to date guys and chicks while growing up and I remember all the break-ups with my girlfriends way more than any of the dudes that I dated. Girls just take up room in my soul differently than my dh. I love him with all my heart but in a much different way than if I was in a committed lesbian relationships kwim?

I hope you can find some resolution in your own life. It can be such a struggle because of the unneccessary connotations labels like gay, bi, and hetero carry with them.

Peace,
Shelbi

Hi;

I echo many of your sentiments as to why I miss relationships with women, for sexual and non-sexual reasons.

I am sure that resolution, or peace, will come one day. I am not unhappy about the choices I made, I just wish one could live a parallel life to their mama-lfe! (like for instance in one life I could be a free world-traveller, and another a woodsy, hippie mom with 12 kids, etc etc).

I am sure that one day there will be space and time for relationship(s) with women, until then, I have an active imagination!

Nice to know there is a (safe) place where I can put down my thoughts. Thanks.

Carolynn

Well,I knew I was bi long before I was married, but I WAS in a relationship with a guy at the time. So, that's pretty different, since it wasn't as serious as a marriage, in fact, we were only in highschool. Anywho, we had been reading a book of erotica, and talking about which fantasies we liked best. I liked the one with 2 women, but of course, being a good little Catholic girl, that totally flipped me out. It actually helped our relationship, I think, being able to share my thoughts at that time with him.

Dh officially came out to me (he's bi too) after we were married, but I had long suspected it. How he did it was pretty funny though. We were out at a strip club on one of our rare dates. We got to talking to another couple, and I could just TELL dh was checking out the guy. So we ended up moving away from them, and dh, having had a few drinks, makes a crude comment that I can't repeat here about what he'd like to do with the guy. I was dying laughing. Over the next few days, we talked about how he felt, and what he wanted to do about it. I do have my moments of insecurity about it, and he probably has them about me and other women too. But we talk through it, and I really think that once again, being open and honest and sharing our feelings has made our relationship stronger.

Right now, we're kind of somewhere between swingers and polyamorous(sp?). We're really not into the anonymous swingers club type scene, but nor do we want a relationship that's as deep as our marriage with another couple. We like to have "friends with benefits". LOL We just operate under our own set of rules, I don't think it's really got a name.

We're going to PrideFest tomorrow. It was interesting enough, the looks we got last year, being a male/female couple with children. This year ought to be more fun, as we're bringing one of my lesbian friends with us. Wish us luck! LOL

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Yep. Between that issue, and how busy the kids keep us, we really don't date much. But that's ok. I'd rather wait for the right couple.