[cmb123]

I have never formally talked to my kids about being a lesbian. We have had brief conversations here and there, they know that I date women, but I haven't really had a long talk with them. They always seemed too little to talk to about dating, sex etc..straight or gay KWIM? It's just never really been an issue. Now that they are bigger (5,7, and 9) I feel like I should talk to them about it more. There have been some situations lately that make me want to educate them more.
Anyone been through this, or have a plan about what they are going to say?

 

[max_4477]

cmb, are you familiar with COLAGE? website is - http://www.colage.org/

They have a lot of resources about coming out to your kids, and stories from the kids about their parents' coming out.

Personally I think it sounds like it's time to have a sit down just to be clear with the kids and let them know it's okay to talk about it with you/ask questions. You will have to decide whether you want to do it with a 3 at once so they're all in it together or separately so you can tailor more to the age. I also think it's always a nice touch to have books to give them so even if they can't come up with questions to ask at the moment there is something they can take away and look over for answers.

 

[cmb123]

Great link! I haven't heard of them before.

 

[Diane B]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmb123 They always seemed too little to talk to about dating, sex etc..straight or gay KWIM? It's just never really been an issue. Now that they are bigger (5,7, and 9) I feel like I should talk to them about it more.

I would talk with them about families first, especially with your littlest ones. I would talk about the different kind of families you know, get some books with pictures of different kinds of families, go to your local pride celebration, etc. Just help them know that there are lots of gay and lesbian people in the world, including their mama and other mamas and daddies. I mean, our lives really aren't just about dating and sex. I don't think that's an essential part of the conversation with very young children.

Then, as the dating and sex conversations become age-appropriate to have, you can keep that inclusive language and mindset. This is the approach we're planning on anyway.

If they are in elementary school, they have probably already been exposed to "gay" as a negative slur, so you might want to address that one head-on too.

 

[cmb123]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diane B I mean, our lives really aren't just about dating and sex. I don't think that's an essential part of the conversation with very young children.

Well, the dating and the sex part are the parts we HAVEN"T talked about yet. They have always been exposed to lots of different kinds of families and people. I"m not proposing talking about the details of sex, but addressing some of the things they "hear" at school, or better yet, the lovely comments my ex makes to them. I feel if I explain more to them "demystify" it somewhat, they maybe won't be as confused by things they may hear out in there in the big world ( about sex in general, and then what "gay" really means).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diane B If they are in elementary school, they have probably already been exposed to "gay" as a negative slur, so you might want to address that one head-on too.

Exactly one of the main reasons I want to do this soon. Also, as I mentioned above, my ex likes to make snide comments to them like "Mommy sleeps with girls" ...they don't even know what "sleep with" means- much less that thier Mother "sleeps" with women KWIM? It all must be confusing. I know I'm confused!