Here's the Jay Gordon link, very helpful, thanks for the suggestion!
We are exhausted and nursing gives me the heebie jeebies and recently has gotten worse - I hate it but have continued to do it for my skinny off the charts babe - who is now an active toddler, eating lots of solids, drinking kefir, and growing well, so I am hoping to at least night wean our 14.5 mo LO.
The last couple of nights have been hellacious. After 11pm I have set a moratorium on BFing, offering water, kefir, and holding or sitting with baby. There have been temper tantrums and crying for an hour at a time and DH and I take turns wearing our patience out holding, talking, and just sitting with LO while the emotions flood.
The Gordon article was helpful to me and offered a protocol and some encouragement, as we were really feeling lost in the woods last night -- up for several wee hours giving snacks, company, walks, talks, etc. The mix was more DH and less mama. The anger was less, and sadness more. Very tough to listen to.
Prior to this attempt I was reading a Naomi Aldort GD parenting book (my paraphrase: "let the baby dictate everything and learn to love discomfort" -- eek!) and Aletha Solter's 'The Aware Baby' (my paraphrase: "babies need to cry a LOT to relieve tension thus nursing too much may deprive them of expression"). The Solter book resonates more with my beliefs about babies' needs but she offers no specific advice on weaning in the book so far.
Plus it feels socially unacceptable and uncomfortable for us to let baby cry and before this I really have rarely allowed my LO to rail for more than a few minutes, always in my arms. I am still wrapping my head around not offering the breast as comfort for any insult, instead allowing her to let it all out despite my own discomfort with all that raw emotion.
Thanks everyone on the thread, it is a help to hear other's journeys. I struggle as a parent not needing validation from other parents or from books or somewhere that my decisions make sense -- especially now that I am more sleep deprived than ever.
Agree with previous poster that it is kind of a taboo subject that is guaranteed to get you negative judgements from grandmothers, neighbors, acquaintances and and and etc... I usually just lie when people ask "is the baby sleeping well?" I don't want to hear how their grandkid sleeps 12 hours a night after a week of CIO or whatever!
Good luck everyone